


Carry On *NSFW*

by 398pt2forever



Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Actors, Blow Jobs, Boxing & Fisticuffs, Character Death, Cunnilingus, Doggy Style, Dreams and Nightmares, Drinking, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Grinding, Happy Ending, Headaches & Migraines, Hurt/Comfort, Hypothermia, Kissing, Love Confessions, Memory Loss, Mental Health Issues, Morning Sex, Musical References, Near Death Experiences, Panic Attacks, Paparazzi, Possibly Unrequited Love, Postpartum Depression, Rough Sex, Screenplay/Script Format, Semi-Public Sex, Sharing a Bed, Sleep Groping, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Swimming, Television Watching, Unexpected Visitors, Woman on Top
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2020-12-17 14:16:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 33
Words: 86,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21055772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/398pt2forever/pseuds/398pt2forever
Summary: This story is set during the filming of season 12 of Supernatural. It introduces the show character Lexi Jager and the guest star Shay Martin who plays her. It is primarily a real person fiction about the actors that make the show, but includes two original scripts.The Discovery of Alexandria would replace the episode 12 x 13 Family Feud and The British Incursion would replace 12 x 17 The British Invasion.





	1. Prologue: October 3, 2016

**Author's Note:**

> This is the EXPLICIT version of my original work Carry On and includes all three parts in this one reading. As the relationship is a slow burn there is nothing offensive in the first half of the story, but after that all bets are off. You have been warned!

Prologue  
October 3, 2016

The script arrived in a standard manilla envelope. On the front was a purple post-it covered in a familiar scrawl. It read:

Shay-  
I’m directing this one, and I want you for Lexi. We’d be shooting sometime mid-January. Read it and let me know.  
Misha

Dropping the rest of the mail on the kitchen counter, Shay carried the script up to the rooftop patio. Snuggling into her favorite chair, she smiled at the note and turned the page. Normally she could sit indefinitely and watch the ocean kiss the shore. But at that moment she was so engrossed, she didn’t even see it.


	2. Script 12x13 The Discovery of Alexandria

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This script is intended to replace the episode 12x13 Family Feud. It introduces Lexi Jager, a hunter from a family with a long history of hunting and recording lore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the awkward formatting. This was originally written in Celtex, a scriptwriting program, but it did not transition well.

TEASER

CAMERA IN POV  
Moving slowly between metal shelves in darkened warehouse.

Machete gripped in left hand professionally so it lays flat below left forearm. Braced on top of forearm is right hand holding sawed off shotgun.

(Sounds of VIOLENCE from further within warehouse.)

Movement quickens we round the corner to reveal six vampires ganging up on one young man, fighting valiantly.

FOREGROUND FOCUS ON SHOTGUN  
A low whistle. One vamp turns, gets a face full of buckshot. He doubles over, scrabbling at his face.

FOREGROUND FOCUS ON MACHETE  
Camera swings in a wild 360 following machete ending in decapitation of vampire. Other vampires hear the commotion come in hard. Fast and furious fighting.

CLOSE UP: shotgun being fired directly into the abdomen of one vampire

CLOSE UP: machete slashing face of another vampire

(OS A sickening crunch sound, a female crying out in pain)  
CLOSE UP: Broken leg, bone protruding, bloodstain spreading on denim.

CAMERA SHIFTS UP, PUSH IN:on vampire with slashed face

VAMPIRE: Oh yeah. You’re mine now.

SCREEN FLASHES BLACK  
OPENING CREDITS

ACT I  
EXT. WAREHOUSE -DAY  
Camera observes warehouse, windows papered over. Impala sits in alley at the end of the block. Winchester brothers exit car dressed in hunting attire, moving to open trunk, gather weapons.

DEAN:This is why we're not working on finding Satan’s unborn spawn? A couple of possible vamps holed up in another abandoned warehouse? Real original.

SAM: Don’t underestimate them Dean. If this is the group I think it is, they’ve managed to stay off the radar for years. Even slipped past us a while back.

DEAN: Yeah, yeah, I know the drill. Let’s do this.

INT. WAREHOUSE - DAY  
(OS a man's voice low and threatening & an exhausted sort of crying)  
The brothers use hand signals to assign roles and split up. Each stealthily moves up toward the voices. Sam pauses when he spots a woman, her arms chained to a post overhead. One of her legs is bent and bloody. She has other injuries as well, and the vamp is circling her, licking at the blood on her skin. She shudders in revulsion each time he does.

CLOSE UP: on sam's jacket brushing a small wrench which clangs to the floor. The vamp turns toward the noise. The woman grips her chains and pulls herself up enough to kick the vamp with her good leg. The vampire flails and slams into a support beam. Dean steps forward and beheads the vampire from behind.

SAM: (looking for a key to unlock woman's manacles) Hey, you’re safe, we’re here to-

WOMAN: What time is it?

SAM: W-what?

WOMAN: What time? Four of them went out to hunt around one. They never stay gone for more than two hours. I passed out when the bastard got my leg. Don’t know how much time is left.

DEAN: You’re a hunter? Do you know what you just stumbled into?

WOMAN: Vamp nest. Moves every couple of weeks. Took one, maybe two out before you got here. Four or five in the other room. They’ve got my partner Andy.

A CLICK as Sam gets the manacles off. The woman tries to stand and slumps forward, passed out from the pain. Dean catches her before she hits the floor.  
Concerned, Sam looks around.

SAM: Should we-?

DEAN: (shaking his head) Bird in the hand Sammy. We go looking for the other one, she’ll bleed out. And chances are he’s already gone.  
FADE OUT

ACT II

INT. MOTEL ROOM - EARLY MORNING  
Sam and Dean are packing up, getting ready to leave.

DEAN: This trip was a total waste. You get that right? We could have been out looking-"

Sam's phone rings. He looks at Dean in confusion.

SAM: Why are you calling me?

DEAN: What?

INSERT - SAM'S PHONE SCREEN Ringing, showing caller as DEAN'S OTHER PHONE.

Dean automatically starts searching his pockets, then pawing through the clothes in his duffle.

SAM: Hello?

WOMAN: (voice coming through on speakerphone, sounding slurred) Hiya Sammy.

DEAN: Who is this? How did you get my phone?

WOMAN: I got a few things. In fact I got a few things that might be very helpful to you. And all you gotta do is come get me.

SAM: You're the one we saved yesterday aren't you?

WOMAN: I am. Name's Lexi. Well, not here it isn't. Here you're gonna be looking for Gracie Jones, room 218.

DEAN: And why should we come back for you?

LEXI: Oh, not you. You come in here after the way you dumped me off yesterday all covered in blood and you're likely to get arrested.

SAM: You really have information that can help us.

LEXI: I do. I'll see you soon Sammy.

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY  
Sam appears in doorway. Lexi is in the hospital bed, her eyes glassy and half closed.

SAM: Hey. Lexi right?

LEXI: (picking her head up drunkenly and grinning) Sammy. My white knight here to rescue me.

SAM: It's Sam. And you kind of blackmailed us in to coming back for you.

LEXI: Whatever.

She sits up and swings her legs over the side of the bed. She pauses, holding her hand to her head.

SAM: They gave you a lot of pain meds didn't they?

LEXI: Yup. Gonna miss those. But gotta go find Andy.

SAM: First we're going to have to figure out how to get you out of here.

Lexi leans forward and grabs Sam by his flannel shirt, dragging him closer to the bed.

LEXI: You're a big guy Sam Winchester. A big, tall, strong, heroic guy.

With each descriptor, Lexi undoes another button on Sam's shirt. After it's unbuttoned, she starts on his belt.

SAM: You, ah - what are you doing?

LEXI: Well, I'm not busting out of here in a paper dress, Sam, so I'm going to need your shirt.

She pulls his belt from his jeans in one smooth motion.

LEXI: And your belt.  
PUSH IN ON SHEETS UNTIL SCREEN IS WHITE

INT. IMPALA - DAY  
As usual Dean is driving and Sam is in the passenger seat. Lexi is in the back, dressed in Sam's shirt, her casted leg propped across the bench seat.

DEAN: You said you had information for us. Spill.

LEXI: You came to that warehouse for the nest right? You've been trying to track them?

SAM: Yeah. I think we ran across them about two years ago, but they disappeared, and I never could find anything else on them until now.

LEXI: I'm not surprised. That's how they work. They come in to a town, send about half the nest out to hunt. They like to take people from homeless shelters, bus stations, places they think people won't be missed. Once they have about a dozen people, they leave town, head for someplace remote. I've tracked their kills to hunting cabins in off season, a shut down military base, an abandoned farm house after the land was sold off. They're smart, know how to stay off the grid.

DEAN: Is that why you think you're partner might still be alive? Cause they take their blood bags to go?

LEXI: Yeah. If you didn't find a body when you went back to sweep the warehouse, it's because they took him.

SAM: How'd you know we went back to the warehouse?

LEXI: It's what I would have done. Speaking of which, you didn't happen to find my phone did you? (Sam shakes his head no. Lexi holds up Dean's stolen cell phone) You mind if I use this to check in? I need to update my boss.

DEAN: Boss?

LEXI: Grandfather. It's a family business. (Lexi frowns.) They're not picking up. Something's wrong. (She dials another number, then inputs a short code.)  
A computerized voice comes over the speaker phone saying that this number has two unheard messages.  
VOICE OF OLDER MAN: Lexi, this mission was recon only. Neither you or your cousin Andy bothered with your 12 hour check in. I'm used to his nonsense, but I expect better from you young lady. Call me back immediately.

DEAN: Nice guy.

LEXI: (smiling fondly) He gets grumpy when he's worried.

YOUNG MAN’S VOICE: (in a high taunting tone) A-lex-an-dria. Oh my smart, beautiful, oh so perfect cousin. I wonder, what does it feel like? To work so hard, devote your entire self to the family legacy, and then fail everyone you love? You see, I've made some new friends. And I'm taking them all back to the homestead for big Jager family dinner. And when we're done, I'm going to do just like Nero to your precious namesake. And then I'm coming for you sweet cousin. You'll make the perfect desert.

LEXI: Get to the highway and go east. Now.

DEAN: How far?

LEXI: East to Mt. Vernon, south to Shawnee National Forest. (she covers her face with her hands) Two hours at least.

DEAN: I can do better.  
THE BACK END OF THE IMPALA ROARS AWAY FROM US, DOWN A COUNTRY HIGHWAY

EXT. HOMESTEAD - DAY  
Open on shot of multiple farmhouses and barns. The buildings on the left are engulfed in flames, the ones on the right just beginning to burn.

OS Impala engine in low gear and door slamming. Sam's voice yells Lexi's name.

Lexi is rolling across the dirt road, picks herself up and begins running as best she can for the house on the far right.  
The Impala screeches to a halt and Sam and Dean jump out. Sam starts after Lexi.

DEAN: Sam!

They hurry to the trunk and take out machetes and other weapons. They run after Lexi and have nearly caught up when an explosion from the house Lexi was running toward.  
All three are knocked to the ground. Lexi lurches forward as if she will continue even though there is clearly no way anyone inside could have survived. Sam scrambles to catch her and hold her in place. Dean circles around behind them, weapons ready for an attack. Lexi begins to scream for her lost family.  
PUSH IN on burning house

ACT III  
INT. MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT  
The three enter, covered in dirt and soot. Sam half carries Lexi in, sitting her gently on the end of one bed. Dean brings a bottle of water and some pills over. Lexi takes them mechanically, a blank look on her face. Sam kneels in front of her.

SAM: Lexi, I'm sorry to ask, but something has been bothering me about that voicemail. Andy said something about Nero-

DEAN: He's the fire guy right? Something about a fiddle while Rome burned?

SAM: Yeah, Rome. But he said "your precious namesake". That has to be the library at Alexandria. And Cesar burned that, not Nero.

DEAN: So the guy was crap at history, who cares? What matters now -

LEXI: The archives. He's going to go after the archives.

SAM: What archives?

LEXI: My family keeps all the most important things, books, scrolls, items of power in a hidden location.

DEAN: In these archives, did your family have anything about nephilim?

LEXI: Yeah, probably. I've only been an archivist for about a year. I don't know all the material yet.

DEAN: We need to go check this out.

SAM: (standing and facing Dean) Dean, look at her, she can't go anywhere right now.

DEAN: And we can't let this slip through our fingers Sammy. How many more chances do you think we're going to get?

SAM: (glaring at his brother, Sam kneels in front of Lexi again) Lexi, would you trust me enough to let me go check out the archives? Dean and I have been looking for this information everywhere, and I can guard it if Andy tries anything.

Lexi studies Sam's face. Slowly she nods. She pulls a long chain from around her neck.  
PUSH IN on a small key dangling from a chain  
OS LEXI: I'll need to write down the codes for you.  
FADE OUT

INT. MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT  
Dean is alone in the room. He removes his jacket and throws it over the back of a chair. Sitting down, he removes his boots as well. He glances at one of the beds, but sniffing his shirt he shakes his head with disgust. Just then there is a yelp and a crash. He rushes toward the door to the bathroom.

INT. MOTEL BATHROOM - NIGHT  
Lexi is sprawled in the tub, her casted leg sticking up over the side. She is covered by the shower curtain which has ripped nearly all the way off of the bar above.

LEXI: -couldn’t save one damn person. Whole family’s dead, and you can’t even wash their ashes out of-”

Her frustrated wail cuts off when she sees him in the doorway. She glares at him. He steps into the room, pulls off his long sleeve shirt, and throws it on the floor.

LEXI: What are you doing?

DEAN: Helping.

He pulls the shower curtain completely off the bar and hands it to her. Then he reaches down to help her stand. Dean steps into the very back of the shower. He holds Lexi loosely by the hips, and jerks his chin toward the spray.

DEAN: Go on.

Lexi tilts her head back. Unable to get her hair under the water, she leans farther only to slip. Panicking, she jerks up, grabbing Dean's t-shirt. Simultaneously, Dean catches the back of her neck in one hand, and braces her lower back with his other forearm.

DEAN: (murmuring) It's okay. I've got you.

Her fearful eyes meet his and she nods slowly. She tries again, this time able to arch more fully, as her hips are now anchored by Dean's own.

Their feet intermingled at the bottom of the shower.

Dean's hand gripping the shower curtain tighter, just under the anti possession tattoo on her lower back.

Lexi's shoulders relaxing, the swells of her breast rising with each breath under the spray of water.

Dean's face showing arousal.

Having rinsed all the lather from her hair, Lexi straightens. She catches sight of Dean's face and her expression mirrors his own.

Dean moves closer. Lexi's eyes fix on his lips, and her head tilts.

Dean's hand closes over the shower handle and turns off water.

CLOSE UP on Lexi's face as she winces in chagrin.  
FADE TO BLACK

INT. IMPALA - DAY   
SAM: -because I had no idea what it was. The men of letters had it stashed away, labeled as object unknown. But this book from the archives describes it to a T. Lexi, do you know -

Sam turns to see Lexi asleep in the back seat. His face softens. He twists around dragging the blanket over her legs up to cover her chest as well.

SAM: She's been through so much the last couple days. I guess it caught up to her.

DEAN: (in a warning tone) Sam,

SAM: What?

DEAN: I know that voice. Don't go getting too sweet on her. Once she's done grieving, there's no telling what she'll do.

SAM: What are you trying to say Dean?

DEAN: I don't know Sammy, I just..... (glances in rear view mirror) I don't know.

INT. BUNKER LIBRARY - DAY

Sam is sitting at one table with books scattered over the surface. Lexi sits at the other, disassembled gun parts lined meticulously on a towel. Dean enters.

DEAN: What the hell is this?

SAM: She wanted to help.

DEAN: So you let her research, not hand over the weapons Sam!

LEXI: They're just some extras Sam pulled out of storage for me to make sure they're in good working order.

DEAN: Oh believe me sweetheart, my equipment always works.

Dean and Lexi share a heated glance. Castiel appears just behind Dean.

CASTIEL: Dean. You called me.

Dean startles and swears at Cas being so close, Sam snickers, and Lexi gapes.

DEAN: Yeah, I called you, like four times. Where have you been?

CASTIEL: I have been tracking the energy signature that I found at the last known sighting of Kelly Kline. I have it located, but we must go now.

SAM: (getting up and crossing to Lexi's chair) Oh, hey Cas, this is Lexi. She's injured. Do you think-

Castiel walks over and touches two fingers to Lexi's forehead. A cut somewhere visible is gone, indicating she is healed, but she passes out.

SAM: What happened?

CASTIEL: I put her to sleep after healing her. We don't have time for questions.

Cas puts a hand or each brother's shoulder, and disappears.

EXT. ALLEY SURROUNDED BY OLD BRICK BUILDINGS - DAY  
We are in a new, very unexpected place. The brothers look at each other in alarm.

CASTIEL: What we need (he nods grimly at the new location) is in there.

Push in on BRICK BUILDING  
FADE TO BLACK


	3. Press Release: November, 20 2016

Press Release  
November, 20 2016

The CW family is grieved to report the death of Danneel Harris Ackles. The actress, best known for her role on the CW’s hit One Tree Hill, suffered an aneurysm as a complication of her pregnancy with twins. The deceased is survived by husband Jensen Ackles, long time star of the CW’s Supernatural, and four year old daughter Justice Jay Ackles. The actor has not made a public statement at this time, however representatives from the show Supernatural have requested that the SPN family respect the family’s need for privacy during their time of mourning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean no disrespect or ill will toward Danneel Ackles. It is my intention in this story to portray her as much loved and deeply mourned.


	4. January 10, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shay arrives in Vancouver for her first day of filming.

“Shit. Shit, shit, shit.” Shay stared at the line for customs with dismay. Her plane had sat on the tarmac for more than an hour waiting for some minor repair before taking off, and she was already late. She hated being late, even when it wasn’t her first day on the job. Unwinding her long hair from the knot at the back of her head she shook it out and stretched the tension out of her neck and shoulders. She began to breathe slowly and purposefully. There was a niggling pain at the base of her skull, and knew that if she didn’t cut it off soon she would likely wind up with a migraine. The only thing worse than showing up late to a shoot would be showing up unable to work. Especially since this shoot had been meticulously planned to coincide with the controlled burn of a house perfect for their purposes.

Finally through customs, Shay pushed her way through the crowd until she saw a line of drivers holding up signs with their passengers names. The man holding the sign for Martin, Shay was huge, his only hair a gray mustache and goatee. His black hoodie was pushed up at the sleeves revealed tattoos on both forearms. Rounding out the look with black jeans and combat boots, he looked like he’d be more at home on a Harley than behind the wheel of a town car.

Extending her hand and a smile she introduced herself. “Hi. I’m Shay.” Her hand was engulfed when he shook it.

“Clif. Welcome to Vancouver. Can I get your bag for you?”

“Oh, no , I just have the carry on,” she gestured. “But I do need to get a bottle of water before we go.”

“I’ve got some in the car if that’s okay.” He took her carry on in one hand and led her to a large black SUV. Exiting the parking garage, he looked up and said, “The clouds are finally moving off. Looks like you brought the sunshine with you.”

Leaning forward to catch the sunlight on her face she grinned, “Direct from sunny, southern California just for you.”

“L.A.?”

“Laguna Beach. Just far enough south that we get sun but not the smog.”

Clif chuckled. “Well it’s always a welcome sight here in Vancouver, especially in the winter. So if you bring it with you, I’ll be glad to pick you up from the airport anytime.”

“Aww, thanks.” Shay swallowed a handful of headache medicines with a gulp of water. “So tell me more about yourself Clif. You look more like security than a taxi service.”

He chuckled again. “I do plenty of both. I’ve been with the show pretty much from the beginning, and you won’t find a nicer group of people to work with.” He continued, and Shay settled back into her seat, listening to the low rumble of his voice.

*****

“Come in!”

A production assistant stuck her head in the door. “Jensen, they ah, they want you on set.”

“The new girl get here?”

“No, not yet. Some kind of delay at the airport. They’re going to do some of the close ups on you and Jared, use a double for her if needed.” Her eyes caught the highball glass in front of him and turned sad. “Is there anything I can-”

“I’m fine.” Jensen cut her off. He stared down into the glass for a long second after she left. Thought about throwing it back. Thought about throwing it at the wall. And poured it down the drain instead.

While setting up a shot of the brothers exchanging looks over a blond woman’s head, Jensen heard Misha’s walkie crackle to life. “Misha, we’ve got Ms. Martin going into hair and makeup now. Do you want to wait for her to be done?”

“No, we’ll use the double. Have Kelly check her hair and make sure the wig she sent over is still the best choice.”

“So your friend is finally here?” Jared teased Misha.

“Hey, I just confirmed this shoot, this location two days ago. Technically she’s a whole week early.

“Yeah, well let’s just get what we need in the can before the fire guys clear us outta here.” Jensen muttered.

*****

“Misha, Ms. Martin in done in wardrobe, we’re bringing her to you.”

“Copy that.”

“Ms. Martin” Jared mocked. “So formal.”

Misha turned to him. “When people start talking about one of your projects getting a couple of Oscar nods, we’ll start calling you Mr. Padal- you know what, no we won’t. It’s just too much of a mouthful.”

“Is she going to be all snobby on us?” Jensen mused.

“Shay? Nah. She’s pretty go with the flow. Although if you start screwing around I swear to god, I’ll kill you myself. I’m looking at you Jared. Save your shenanigans for another day.”

Jared held up two fingers in a scout’s salute. “I’ll be good I promise. I’ll even call her Ms. Martin if you want.”

“Oh please don’t. Then I’ll have to call all of you by your last names.” A woman with her long pale blonde hair woven into a loose braid appeared beside Misha, giving him a one armed hug. “And to me, Mr. Collins will always be that horrible cousin from Pride and Prejudice.”

“Hey, you made it. Thanks for coming in on such short notice.”

“Of course. And I can see why you called. This place is perfect.” Her cloudy blue eyes drank in the details of the old farm houses and barn. “And we’re actually going to shoot while it’s burning?”

“Yes. Which means our timetable is going to be ridiculously tight. Think you can get the whole scene as a one-er?”

“A one-er. You’re seriously going to take that gamble?”

“Don’t have much choice for the explosion scene. But we’re going to do all the angles and close ups before the big action shot.”

Jensen looked around, taking in the dirt road, snow covered trees, and the three story house surrounded by firemen doing final checks before they lit the place up for the shoot. He could tell it was going to look fantastic on film, but didn’t even want to think of the logistical nightmare Misha must be going through as the director of this episode.

“I’ll get it done for you Misha,” she promised. “But I need a run through. Literally.” She knocked against a cast that encased her leg from mid foot to mid thigh, exposed by the overlong flannel shirt she was wearing as a dress. “This thing is legit. It’s going to change how I move, how fast I can get to my mark.”

*****

“Okay, everybody return to starting positions!” Misha’s voice was strident through the megaphone. “We have to blow the package on this time, so this one’s the money shot!”

Jensen had lost count of how many takes they had used, but it seemed like they had been going forever. The first few tries were nothing more than Shay attempting to move as fast as possible in the cast. Shay would dart forward, then to pretend to be blown off her feet when the explosion was called. He and Jared tried to catch her for a few takes, only to have all three of them tumble painfully to the ground. It turned out Shay was more solid than her willowy limbs made her look. The take had gone smoother after they all agreed to let her fall on her own, but when she began to wail for her pretend family trapped in the burning building, acid oozed and tumbled in Jensen’s stomach. And then they did it from a second angle. And a third. As Jensen returned to the Impala, he heard Misha through the walkie in the car.

“Shay, I need everything you’ve got this time.”

Shay gave a small shake of her head. “Everything is ugly Misha.”

“I know, but we have to show this in a split second. And it’s an ugly scene.”

“Okay,” a quick breath, “everything.” She closed her eyes. Despite the heat of the fire blazing nearby, her face lost color. Muscles stood out in her neck and her face suddenly seemed thinner, gaunt almost. When she opened her eyes they were full of despair.

“And, action!” Shay broke into a limping run toward the burning house. Jared and Jensen followed, careful not to overtake her. The explosion knocked all three of them to their knees.

“No!” She screamed over the roar of flames. “No! No,” she choked on her own tears and her shrieks descended into an animalistic keening sound. Jared crawled over the hard ground to catch her and keep her from moving closer to the fire. Jensen knew he had a line, or a direction, but he couldn’t think of what it was. All he could do was listen, paralyzed by her voice. When Misha called cut and the sound broke off he sagged in relief. A moment later he was scrambling, sprinting for the trees. He hadn’t gotten three feet off the road when his stomach clenched and it’s contents splashed onto the forest floor.

*****

“What part of ‘get the hell out’ did you not understand?”

“The part where it wasn’t me you said it to,” came an unexpectedly calm and female voice. Jensen’s head shot up to see Shay shuffling into the trailer. When she reached for the whiskey on the coffee table in front of him, he caught the bottle and held on.

“Share,” she commanded lifting one eyebrow over her red and swollen eyes. Surprised, he released his grip. She continued over to the counter and began pulling glasses down from the cabinet. He heard ice against glass and then the tap turn on in the sink. Who the hell put ice and water in good whiskey?  
She returned to the couch, two glasses and a rag in her hands. Laying the cold, wet rag against the back of his neck she handed him a glass of whiskey neat.

“I figure making one of the principals puke on my first day is an everybody drinks kind of situation.” She took a sip and then began trying to remove her prop cast.

“You didn’t- I mean that wasn’t- It didn’t have anything to do with you.” He finished lamely.

She glanced up from working on the cast. “Hmm. Well then, I might just be in the wrong business.” He couldn’t think of any reply to that, but then she didn’t seem to be waiting for one.

“I have no idea how to get this thing off.” Frustrated, she glared at the cast. She gave up, and propped it on the table in front of them so she could lean back against the couch.

Jensen tensed. This was when it always started. People would make small talk for a minute or two and then launch into their own personal stories of loss or how somebody’s brother’s uncle turned to drink during his bereavement. But she sat quietly, sipping her drink, occasionally craning her head one way and then the other.

“Headache,” she said when she caught him looking. “I get them kind of regularly.”

When there was little other than the ice in her glass she looked at him. “Here’s to today. It was pretty effed up, but the good news is, we never have to live this day again.” She lifted her glass in salute and drained the remaining liquid.

“Well, I guess I better limp on back to wardrobe and find out how to get this thing off.” She hauled herself off the couch and with a small nod, was out the door.

After she was gone Jensen sat alone with his drink. “I’ll never have to live this day again,” He muttered to himself. The thought was surprisingly reassuring.


	5. January 19, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shay returns to film the rest of episode 13 and finds the working situation to be even more tense than before. She and Clif team up in an attempt to help Jensen deal with his anger and grief.

  
January 19, 2017

Two little faces jockeyed for position on the computer screen. Smiling back Shay told them, “It sounds like you both had very good days at school. Now why don’t you all go play and let me talk to Grammy a bit.”

“I think Gramps said something about ice cream,” her mother reminded them.

“Ice cream! Ice cream!” they yelled in chorus racing off.

“Wow am I glad that I’m not the one putting them to bed tonight,” Shay laughed. “Seriously mom, you’re going to spoil them rotten.”

“Nonsense. They’re good boys.”

“They really are. Do they miss me yet?”

“Yesterday was pretty easy. I think they missed you at bedtime.”

“I miss them too. Sometimes I wonder what I’m doing here.”

“You’re showing them how to go after what they want. Now, tell me how things are going there. “

“Good. You know the first few days are always a lot of prep work, but we shot this morning. The people are nice…..”

“But,” her mother interjected for her.

“But,” Shay agreed, “when we were working on Something Blue, Misha was always telling these great stories about how much fun they had on set. Right now - well, I think things are even more uncomfortable than they were last time I was here.”

“Well, that poor woman died what, a few weeks ago? I’m surprised the husband is even back working again.”

“Yeah, I was too. And he is super tense right now. It’s like watching a rubber band get stretched so far that you know it’s gonna snap. But it’s not just him. This morning he wasn’t even on set, but everything was still really subdued. Jared - I had heard they were all friends, but I don’t think I understood how tight knit they really are.” Shay tried to think how to explain it to her mother. “These two guys, they’re the heart of this whole operation, and it’s like no one here is sure how to act anymore. Everybody is walking on eggshells and speaking in hushed voices like they’re in a sick room. It’s eerie. And really, really awkward.”

“Well I would think you of all people would know how to handle that.”

“Just because I’m a widow doesn’t make me an expert, Mom. Besides I barely know the guy.”

“And how well did you know Omar?”

Shay chuckled, “Hardly at all. But Omar… Mom, you’re brilliant. I need to go talk to someone. Can I call you back later? Tonight probably?”

“Of course honey. Good luck!”

*****

Leaning out the car window, Shay did her best Mean Girls imitation.

“Hey loser. Get in. We’re going to punch something.”

“Excuse me?” Jensen scowled indignantly. She sat back so he could see Clif driving the car.

“What? You got somethin’ better to do?” Clif called.

Still looking suspicious Jensen climbed into the back of the SUV.

“Where are we going?”

“Sunshine over here,” Clif jerked his thumb toward Shay, “wants to go check out Mickey’s.”

“Your boxing club? Jared and I have been asking to go there for years, but you’ve never taken us.”

Clif shrugged his massive shoulders. “What can I say? She’s cuter than you two.”

*****

Climbing the stairs Shay took in the wide open space. Concrete walls interrupted by fight posters and newspaper stories. One ring held court in the middle of the floor, while heavyweight bags, speed bags, and free weights competed for space at the walls.

“It’s perfect.” Shay grinned, “It smells like sweat and dust and old creaky leather.”

“Creaky leather. Never been called that before.” A man stooped to about Shay’s height, dressed in a warm-up suit spoke from their left. “Clif, what kinda foolishness you bringin’ inta my place?”

“Aw Mickey, they’re good kids. Sunshine here said she needed to keep up on her speed sets while she’s in town and I told her I’d bring her by.”

“And the boy? He got any skills?”

“He does. He’s used to having them choreographed, but he’s got ‘em.”

“Choreographed. Hmmph. Well, lemme take your money and Clif can take you around and show you what’s what.”

Shay bit back a giggle and obediently stepped up to pay the fees and sign the waivers. Clif had wandered into the gym and was chatting with some of the regulars.

“All right you two, Jullian’s going to take you through the basic warm up, and set you up until I call for you.”

Between jumping rope, burpees, and high knees, Shay snuck several looks at Jensen. Strain showed on his face, but his breathing seemed steady. Emotional strain, she decided, and damn near ready to break.

Clif called for Shay first. “Sunshine, let’s see what you got! Jullian, take Jay on over to the weights, spot for him if he needs it.” Shay jogged over to the ring and began to wrap her hands methodically. “Glad to see you doing that the right way,” Clif said to her, “but you sure you want to do this?”

“Hell yeah! But you know,” Shay circled one glove in front of her face, “gotta work tomorrow.”

“Need the pretty discount?”

Her laughter echoed around the gym, “Fraid so.”

He began sparring session tentatively. She figured he was afraid to hit too hard, unsure of what kind of training she had previously. Shay grinned and took advantage of what was sure to be a short lived advantage. Clif quickly realized she had no such compunctions and would put her full weight behind a punch. She knew she wasn’t hurting him, but some of the abdominal shots she got in would have worked well in her own weight class. She stayed light on her feet and managed to block or dance away from most of what he threw at her. Purposefully slowing down, he looked over her shoulder.

“So you really think this might help Jensen?”

“Dunno. But something’s gotta give. The difference from even a week ago - he’s worse, isn’t he?” She blocked a jab to the torso, returned one that slipped off his arm.

“He is. Everybody was surprised at how soon he came back, but he wanted the work. Said he needed something to do. But lately - he's not talking except when he's running lines, and he's started snapping at people, even lashing out at Jared. Those two are usually like peas in a pod.”

“He’s gotta find a way to let off some steam. Exercise is good, but sparing would be better. We need to get him in here.”

“I don’t trust anyone else with his face, but he’s too used to working with me. It won’t break through that shell.”

“Well then, I’ll just have to put some cracks in it for you. Order us both over to the heavy bags so I can rile him up.”

“I hope to hell you know what you’re doing Shay.”

As he yelled his instructions to Jensen she murmured to herself. “Me too.”

*****

“How are you doing?” Shay asked, taking her position at the heavy bag next to Jensen’s.

“I’m fine.” He punched his bag half-heartedly.

“Sure you are.” She began with her left jabs. “ If nothing else, you’ve gotta be pissed off that everyone keeps asking you that.” She switched arms and kept going.

“Or that everyone feels the need to tell you that they’re sorry.” Shay began practicing her right cross, and noticed out the side of her eye that Jensen was frowning at his own bag.

“There’s all the bastards who tell you about the _one_ other person they know who has survived some kind of tragedy,” she huffed, “as if that helps at all,” she hopped her feet opposite and crossed with her left. “And then there’s those well meaning asshats who start talking and just dissolve into tears, and _you_ wind up having to console _them_.” He kept his eyes forward but she knew by the tight line of his mouth and the anger staining his face that he had heard every word.

She started alternating one-two combos. “And the worst bit,” left jab right cross, “the absolute worst,” right jab, left cross, “is that everyone is fine with you being sad.” She continued her combos between each phrase. “Hell they seem eager for it. Asking questions that are none of their damn business. Telling you how broken up you must be.”  
She added a squat, moving into her least favorite three step combo, using her anger as fuel.

“But no one, not for one second, is ever okay with you having any other feelings. Nobody wants to hear how your heart doesn’t work by logic.” She could see Jensen was putting his full strength into the punches now, working the bag with a vengeance. “That you lay awake in the middle of the night fucking pissed off because all your heart understands is that they’re gone. And it wants to know how they could have just left you here to deal with all the shit that comes after.”

“Enough!” he barked, leaning into his bag, his breath coming in pants. “Enough.”

“Yeah,” Shay fought for breath and searched the gym for Clif. “I think it is.”

Clif was closer than she had expected. The evaluating look he gave both of them made Shay realize he had probably heard as well as seen everything from the last few minutes.

“Your form’s not bad kid.” Clif tweaked her ponytail. “All right then Jay, let’s get you in the ring.”

“I’m not getting in there with you Clif. I hit you right now-”

“You think you’re going to lay a hand on me? Boy, you’re used to moving 24 frames per second. We move a lot faster than that in the real world.”

Shay snorted a laugh.

“That goes for you too little missy. You get yourself over to that speed bag. You need the practice.” Shay saluted and headed for the far wall. She worked the speed bag but knew her performance was abysmal. She was too engrossed in watching Jensen and Clif in the ring.

Clif had been lying. Whatever Jensen’s disadvantages might have been, speed was not one of them. His fists flew, and she saw Clif take several second punches when he could not shift his guard fast enough. But Jensen’s emotions were wearing him down quickly, and making him get sloppy.

When they had finished she heard Clif say, “Not bad Jay, not bad. Why don’t you go hit the showers?” He wandered over to Shay who was still pretending to work on the speed bag. He shook his head. “That’s just pitiful.” She grinned. He continued, “I think maybe it worked. He was mad as hell, but he looked more like him. Didn’t have that hollow look he’s had in his eyes since it happened.”

“Good.”

“Some time you’re gonna have to tell me about how you know all this.”

“I will. After I get cleaned up.” She started to move off then looked around. “There’s not a women’s locker room here is there?”

“Not much call for it. Guess you’re going home smelling like sweat and dust.”

*****

On the way back Shay felt gross enough to insist on sitting in the back. Clif looked at her in the rearview mirror. “So you gonna tell us how you know all that?”

“The boxing? I’ve been doing it a while. I started a couple of years ago.”

“A couple of years,” Clif repeated.

“Yeah. There was a time when everything in my life got to be….. too much for me. I didn’t handle it well.” She paused, taking a swig of water to cover her discomfort.

“What did not handling it well look like?” Clif interjected.

"I didn’t,” She sighed deeply. “I sort of withdrew from all the people in my life. I kept forgetting to eat. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw things that scared the shit outta me, so it got to where I didn’t sleep much. Eventually I was so tired that I started talking nonsense. My family wound up putting me in a psychiatric facility.” Shay paused wiping away the tears that always came at this part of the story. “Anyway, there was this guy that worked in the hospital. Big guy named Omar. Omar the orderly. And one day he was telling me about how he was going to have his first fight that weekend. And not knowing much about boxing, I said the first thing that came to mind, ‘Float like a butterfly-”

“Sting like a bee.” It was the first thing Jensen had said since they had left the boxing club.

“Yeah. Omar held his hands up, said something like, ‘Okay little bee, show me how you sting.’ So I punched his hand. He corrected my form and told me to try again. So I did. Again and again and again. For a minute I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stop. Scared myself a little.” Shay took a deep breath. “But Omar, he came back the next day with a brand new pair of focus mitts, and asked if I remembered what he showed me the day before. And for the rest of my time there, every day he worked, he would find about ten minutes and let me punch it out. He gave me a card for the club where he practiced, and when I got out I started going about once a week. And that’s how I got started.”

“Do you still see Omar?” Clif asked.

“Only on Twitter. He went to Vegas to train full time. He seems to like it there.”

“Still, it’s a nice story.”

“I like to think so.” Shay glanced up as they pulled up to her building. “Thanks Clif, for everything.”

“Anytime Sunshine. Oh that reminds me. What’s your call time tomorrow?”

“Ten thirty.”

“What about you Jay?”

“Nine.”

“Hmm. Any way you’d be willing to go at eight Shay? It’d save me a trip during rush hour.”

“Sure thing.”

“Okay. I’ll see you both right back here at eight tomorrow.”

“Both?”

“Didn’t you know? Jensen lives here too. You all are neighbors.”

Jensen opened the car door for her and met her eyes for a moment. He turned back to the front. “Night Clif,” and he walked inside.

Flabbergasted, Shay slid into the cold night slowly. The enormity of what she had just done settled on her heavily. Waiting for the elevator in the lobby, her phone chimed signalling she had a new text. Reading it, her lips curved into a small smile.

*****

An hour later, Jensen frowned at the knock on his door. All guests were required to announce themselves to the doorman who would call before letting them up. Glaring at the second knock he went to answer it. Shay stood there with a pizza box and a sheepish smile.

“Peace offering,” she said indicating the box.

“That’s my favorite pizza place,” he said suspiciously. Lifting the lid he inhaled deeply. “That’s my favorite pizza from my favorite pizza place.”

“Well, I might not have been the only lunkhead who felt bad about this afternoon.”

“Clif know you’re calling him a lunkhead?”

“I’m sure he will. At eight o’clock tomorrow morning.” Shay smiled tightly, “Jensen, I’m sorry. I manipulated you this afternoon. I could say that I was trying to help, but that doesn’t really matter. Bereavement 101. Grief - it looks different on everybody. It’s presumptuous of me to think I know what you’re feeling or what's best for you.” Out of things to say, she shifted uncomfortably.

“That story you told in the car true?”

“About Omar? Yeah. Every word.”

“Maybe it wasn’t presumption.” Jensen felt himself clenching his jaw. “Maybe more like - recognition.”

“So…..”

“So, come on in and eat some pizza.”

*****

Shay glanced around as she entered the apartment. The layout seemed similar to her own, but while hers was a short term rental, this was obviously not. Personal pictures hung on the walls, a stack of papers sat on the table, the couch looked comfortably broken in.

“You want a drink?” Jensen called from the other room.

“Um, yeah. Whatever you’re having.”

He walked out of the kitchen with two beers and a roll of paper towels. “I’d get dishes, but then I’d have to wash them later….”

“Good point.” Taking the offered beer she drank deeply suddenly aware of the awkwardness in the room. “So, tell me something about yourself.”

“About me? There’s nothing left to tell. My whole life, and then some, is up on the internet.”

“Ah, the internet. You know, I never did finish reading that.”

He looked at her like she was crazy.

“Sorry, bad joke. But, like this,” she gestured to the basketball game on the television, “is it background noise, or are you rooting for one of these teams?”

He thought about it a moment. “Little of both. I always cheer for the Lakers, unless they’re playing the Mavericks.” As she had hoped, sports was something he had an interest in while being impersonal enough to ease the awkward feeling from the room.

“So,” she started, curling into the couch, “who’s winning?”


	6. January 20, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone continues to work on the episode. A conversation with Misha leads to Jensen watching Something Blue, the project during which Misha and Shay met. He reaches out to Shay, and they share some of their pasts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this AU, Shay Martin is a former child star. She was something of a Hollywood darling until her mid-teens when she stepped back from doing big roles in order to focus on school. She continued to take small parts until just after 2009 when she disappeared from the entertainment industry entirely. She made headlines in 2016 for not only starring in, but also writing the semi-autobiograhical screenplay Something Blue. The movie told the story of three women with postpartum depression. The women displayed and dealt with their illness in very different ways, mostly due to what they thought society expected of them. The end of the movie was ambiguous and viewers were left to draw their own conclusions if the women were healing, still suffering, or even still alive. It was a highly controversial film, nominated for several Spirit Awards and discussed when Oscar nominations were coming out.

January 20, 2017

Fuck he was sore. Jensen had laid awake the night before thinking of the words Shay had beaten into the bag at the boxing club, but it wasn’t until now that he was regretting the actual, physical pounding his body had taken. His stunt work today wasn’t all that demanding, but he was feeling every second of it. Glancing over, he noticed Shay didn’t seem to be suffering any ill effects. And she had been on set all morning working with the stunt crew on an elaborate sequence that would be used for the cold open. Clearly he needed to get back into shape. He’d have to start running again. And maybe he would go back to Mickey’s. It was no secret he’d had the urge to throw some punches over the last few weeks.

Misha announced that it was time to shoot the full scene. He loved to capture the action in one long take and then intercut the close up scenes in editing. It was a bitch to shoot, but Jensen had to admit the timing of it looked great in the finished product. So for what felt like the hundredth time, he eased open the door and moved onto the set as quietly as possible. Using hand signals he motioned Jared to stay low and move up the far aisle. Then crouching and moving slowly he worked his way toward his mark. Because the camera was shooting with a wide angle lens he knew not to break position no matter how badly his thighs burned. He reached the point that he could see Shay. Her wrists were manacled to chains from the ceiling, one leg bent awkwardly, the effect exaggerated by the prosthetic bone and blood on the inside of her knee. He heard the clang of metal on concrete right on time. He pressed forward to take out the vampire, but stopped abruptly. Shay wrapped her hands around the chains to support her own body weight and kicked viciously with her good leg. The stunt man stumbled and fell into a support pole with a loud grunt. That was his cue to rush forward, swinging the machete and decapitating the vamp.

“And cut!” Misha sounded excited. “I think we got it people. Give us just a minute to review.”

Jensen drifted over to where Misha and the AD were watching the playback. He saw in one continuous shot Jared knock the wrench to the floor, Shay’s acrobatic kick, and his own pause of amazement.

“I love that look you gave right there,” Misha turned to him, “ it’s the perfect levity to the violence and the vulnerability of this scene.”

Jensen shrugged, unwilling to admit that the reaction had been a break in character. “She’s strong.”

“Oh yeah. I’ve never seen this kind of physicality from her before, but I knew after Something Blue that she’s the kind of person who can do anything she puts her mind to.”

“You said that was a hard gig.”

“It was. Not so much my part, but watching her, and trying to stay in character. I’ll tell ya, whoever said women were the weaker sex obviously didn’t know any.”

“Hmm. So you get what you need here?”

“For the action sequence, yeah. We can wrap it and move on.”

*****

Shay slipped into the hot bath with a groan. Thank god Kelly had needed to do a full wash to get all the fake blood out of her hair before she left set for the day. She doubted her arms had enough strength left to even lift them over her head. Sinking lower into the water she felt her muscles slowly ease as the heat the heat seeped into every pore. When her phone chimed some time later she jolted and cooled water sloshed onto the floor. She shook her head and blinked rapidly. She had actually fallen asleep in the tub. Drying her hand she picked up her phone and saw a text from Jensen.

_ Tell me this shit isn't real._

Frowning she typed back, _What do you mean?_

Drying off she waited for the return text. After pulling on a soft shirt and joggers she looked at her phone and bit her lip.

“Screw this,” she said to herself. Calling, she listened to the phone ring. It stopped but no one said hello. Listening hard she could hear indistinct noises in the background. “Jensen? Is that you?”

“It’s me,” came a rough, broken voice.

“Hey you,” relief settled heavily into her chest. “What’re you up to?”

“I’m watching your movie.”

“You’re watching Something Blue? Why the hell would you do that?”

“Dunno, working with you, with Misha, it seemed like the thing to do.”

“No. Jesus, Jay that’s a terrible thing to do.” Shay began fumbling for a pair of shoes, a sweater. There was no response.

“Jensen, I’m coming upstairs. Do you hear me?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay then, just stay on the phone I’ll be there in just a minute.” Stepping into the elevator, she punched the button for his floor. “Where are you in the movie? What’s happening?”

“She, well you, were fighting with Mi-” his voice cut out.

“Crap.” She stared at the phone. The elevator dinged and she rushed to his door. Knocking, she shifted back and forth. Impatient, she tried the doorknob, and found the door unlocked. She walked into a dark room, the only source of light being her own image on the television screen. Her eyes teared up instantly as she recognized the scene. Grabbing a roll of paper towels she plopped onto the couch, ripped one off and placed the roll on the middle cushion. Reaching over, Jensen took one for himself, wiping his face and blowing his nose. They sat silently allowing the last bit of the movie to play out. When credits began rolling over blue sky and the sound of wind blowing, Shay reached over to turn on a lamp. She thought of a half dozen things to say. Witty things, funny things, profound things, but all that came out was, “Sometimes I hate that effing movie.”

After a pause, Jensen responded, “Misha didn’t die.”

“What?”

“The whole thing was so horrible. I mean beautiful, but so, so painful. I kept thinking ‘and now the husband’s going to die, and how on earth can they make it worse?’ But he never did.”

“No. Something Blue - it came out of what was essentially my therapy journal for postpartum. I just didn’t finish it until after my husband died. Michael's death, it - ah - it’s a whole different story.”

“Will you write that story?”

“No.” Shay shook her head. “I don’t know. I never thought I would write this one. Or, I never thought I would share it. But when he died I was so mad. I had dealt with a lot of my issues from postpartum, but I hadn’t touched all the anger I had packed away. Those months, years really, I felt like I was dying a little everyday right in front of him, and he just stood there watching. So after he died I had to get it out somehow, and I started writing all the things I had left out the first time. Every goddamn thing that pissed me off that I would never get to tell him. The worst part was that I couldn’t ever get him to understand how bad it was for me. It didn’t matter what I said or how much I cried. It was all just like screaming into the void.”

Shay pulled her knees into her chest and wrapped her arms around them. “I felt alone for so long before he died.” She put her forehead to her knees. “I hate it when I say shit like that out loud. It sounds so callous.” She sat in the quiet for a moment until Jensen spoke up.

“I never wanted the twins.” Shay looked at him. “She wanted another baby, but I - I was good with the things the way they were. I agreed that we could talk about it when I got home, but we never did. The next thing I know she’s telling me she’s pregnant. In front of her parents. I didn’t even know she had gone off her birth control. And then it was twins. And then she was gone. And sometimes,” he choked back a sob. “Sometimes I think I hate her for it.” This time the sob escaped and he bent forward to hide his face in his hands.

Scooting closer, Shay ran her fingers over his back. She forced herself to stay quiet, allowing him to finish in his own time. Eventually he straightened, scrubbing his face with his hands.

“Sorry,” he couldn’t quite make eye contact, “I’ve never said that out loud before.”

“Betrayal is something a lot of widowed people have to work through. And you’ve got more ammunition than most.' That’s a direct quote from my old therapist, but I think it applies to you too. You’ve got one right? A therapist, I mean,” when he nodded, she continued. “You should tell them. They’ll get it.” She looked at him a moment. “I’m gonna hug you now.” Wrapping her arms around him, she held on until he returned the hug and dropped his chin on her shoulder.

“I’m so tired Shay. Just so damn tired.”

“Yeah. I know how that feels.” She squeezed him tighter for a moment before letting him go. “I tell you what. You go, get in the shower. Imagine the water rinsing off every horrible thing about today. All of it just going right down the drain. You’ll still feel heavy, but that’s okay because that heaviness is gonna help you sleep. And if you don’t want to be alone, I’ll stay here on the couch until I hear you snoring.”

“How do you know I snore?”

The edge of her lip twitched. “I don’t. Do you?”

“A little,” he admitted. “You really don’t mind? You must be tired too.”

She shrugged, “I always play on my phone before bed. There’s no reason I can’t do that here.”

He wrapped her in another hug. She inhaled deeply, appreciating his scent. After he pulled back she saw him force himself to make eye contact.

“Thank you. It means a lot.”

Touching his cheek briefly, she nodded. “Goodnight Jensen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, no disrespect to the Ackles family. I saw a bit of a convention once where Jensen mentioned that he was a little reluctant to go for kid #2 and wound up with twins. This just spun out of that. It's FICTION y'all.


	7. January 21, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having gained trust and acceptance from the boys, Shay gets her own Supernatural baptism.

The next morning, Jensen woke with his first alarm. Moving through his routine, he realized he was ahead of schedule. Deciding to head out anyway, he arrived in the lobby to see that Clif had just arrived. Stepping out into the frigid air he crossed the short distance and hopped into the front seat.

“Morning.”

Clif studied him for a moment. “Good morning. You’re looking pretty good for a guy who got his ass handed to him a few days ago.”

“Please. You went easy on me and I know it. Doesn’t mean I wasn’t sore as hell yesterday. I gotta start working out again.”

“Yeah?” Clif seemed pleased, “Well, I'm going back to Mickey's tonight if you like." When he nodded, Clif continued, "He’ll let you in anytime now that he knows you. Just don’t spar with anyone unless Mickey tells you they can fight white collar.”

“White collar?”

“No punches to the face or head. So you can work the next day. Like I told Sunshine, I had to give her the pretty discount.”

“Hmm.” He sipped his coffee.

Clif leaned forward every few seconds peering past him into the lobby. Noting his interest, Cliff told him, “Shay’s usually here as soon as I pull up. Has this thing about being late.”

Jensen opened his phone and found her number. Calling, he listened to the phone ring until he thought he’d get sent to voicemail. At the last second the line opened.

“Lo?” the sound was more grunt than word.

“Shay? Is that you?” It dawned on him that this was the same conversation from last night in reverse.

“Mmm. ‘S me.” Her sleepy voice warmed his next words.

“Hey you,” he saw Clif fail to hide his grin with his coffee cup. “I’m sitting downstairs with Clif taking bets on how late you’re gonna be.”

“What? Oh shit! Shit, shit, shit! Wait, I um, I can be down in five minutes. I’ll be right there.”

“No, it’s -” he was talking to a dead line, “fine.” He checked the time on his phone. “She’s not even late yet.”

“Taking bets are we? Whadda ya want to bet she doesn’t even take the time to make herself a cup of coffee?”

Jensen shook his head. He didn’t take sucker bets.

Three minutes later he saw her jogging through the lobby, her parka flapping open over the same outfit she had worn up to his place the night before. By the time she had gotten to the car, the cold air made it obvious that she was still lacking a bra as well.

“I’m so sorry! I must have turned my alarm off without waking up. I usually have a backup, but-”

“Relax Sunshine,” Clif interrupted her, “we’ve still got plenty of time. We’re on location today, and it’s more than an hour’s ride.” He winked at Jensen, “We can even stop and get you some coffee if you want.”

*****

“Remind me to never break my leg in real life.” Shay shifted restlessly in the back seat of the Impala. They were shooting multiple scenes in and around the car today, all of which were hampered by the full leg cast she had to wear.

“Never break your leg in real life,” Jared deadpanned.

“Gee thanks Jared.” Shay looked out the window where the crew was attaching a different car mounted camera to capture the next set of shots. Most of her work had been on sound stages and she found there was much more down time when shooting on location. Fortunately Jared was easy to talk to, the conversation swinging from television and books that they enjoyed to places they’d like to travel. Jensen had even chimed in a few times. The look of raw hope on Jared’s face in those moments showed Shay how much he had been hurting for his friend.

Leaning sideways to feel the sunlight on her face, Shay laid her head on the duffle that was propped against the door. She felt herself dozing in the sun heated warmth of the car. The movements of the crew outside the car became a buzz and drifted away all together.

“What the hell!?” She jolted awake violently as something cold and wet hit her face. Clearing her eyes, she saw Jared giggling at her, a water gun propped over the edge of the front seat. Catching Jensen’s bemused look in the rearview mirror, she smacked his shoulder half heartedly.

“Oh, you think that’s funny, huh?”

“You’ve just been pranked on the set of Supernatural. You’re family now.”

About an hour later they were finally ready to move on to the next location. As Shay struggled to open the hidden latches of the cast, she heard the door open and felt herself being pulled from the car like a child.

“What,” she cut off as Jared plunked her onto her feet only to pick her up into a bear hug. “Jared, what is this?”

“It’s like the man said. You’re family now.”

“Huh. Well, I’ll just have to try to fall asleep on set more often.”

*****

“Mmm.” Shay moaned appreciatively. “That is exactly what I needed. Thank you so much for calling me.” Jensen watched her slump back against the couch.

He shrugged. “Can’t ever order just one or two things when I get Indian, so I wind up with way too much food.”

“Mm-hmm, and I ate too much food.” She patted her stomach, “But it’s totally worth it. That stew was perfect for a cold winter’s day.”

“Missing California?”

“A little. Hard to beat 60 degree weather in January. You ever live there?”

“When I first started out. Couldn’t live there permanently,” he shuddered, “too many people.”

“Yeah. And too much concrete. If I have to drive up into the city for more than 3-4 days in a row I start to get twitchy. Give me a decent mix of people, green space, and wide open water and I’m happy.”

“That’s why I like Austin. Not as crowded as a big city, but still lots of things going on. There’s a ton of parks, and of course we live right on the lake.”

Shay stood and wandered to the shelves flanking the television. Picking up a picture of he and Jared she asked, “Was this taken in Austin?”

“Yeah, we like to go out on the lake in the summer. It gets so hot, you really need to be on the water if you’re out in the middle of the day.”

“I bet it does,” she murmured. She was scanning book and movie titles, and stopped at another picture. He saw the smile slide off her face as she stood staring. He rose and moved to look over her shoulder. Her fingertips rested on a new photo, not yet framed, of he and JJ bent over the guitar.

“My mom just sent me that. She took it the last time I was home.”

Shay swallowed thickly. “I have one just like it at my house. Except Cal was only two. It might actually be one of the last pictures I have of them together.”

Pain burst behind his breastbone. “Does it ever get any better?”

“It ….. changes,” she said carefully, “it starts out as this glaring red light. It lives right in front of your face that makes it hard to see anything else. But over time, it moves back, or off to the side, until it becomes part of your normal landscape. It’ll still blindside you from time to time, but yes. It gets much better.”

Blinking back the brightness in her eyes, she asked, “Does JJ take lessons?”

“Not yet. Maybe when she gets older.”

Shay nodded. “Cal saw our picture like this not long after he turned five and asked if he could play again. So I got him a little half sized one and we started taking lessons.”

“We? So you’re taking them too?”

“Yeah. I’m not very good, but I’m learning.”

He retrieved his guitar from the stand in the corner. “Well, that’s what matters. I’ve been playing more than twenty years, and I’m still learning.”

“Yeah? What are you working on now?”

He sat down and began to show her. And as always when he was working on his music, the time slipped away.


	8. January 22, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short and sweet with the very first ember of a slow burn.  
And oh yeah,  
You didn't think the pranks were over did you?

January 22, 2017

Shay drifted through the library set of the bunker, appreciating the art deco details that gave it a vintage feel. Returning to the table she examined the guns laid out on the table. For her scene today she would need to reassemble the parts of a Glock 22. She had practiced with the prop master a few days ago until she had been able to do it smoothly. Then she had borrowed a prop gun to take home trying to repeat it until the movements became muscle memory. 

The assistant director called for places. Shay stifled a sigh when she saw a wardrobe crew member approaching with the despised cast. 

“Good morning Ms. Martin. Would you like help getting this on?”

“Megan, please call me Shay. And no, thank you. I can put it on, it’s getting the dratted thing off that's so difficult.”

“Well, I guess the good news is you won’t have to wear it again after tomorrow.”

“True. I’ll be sad to go, but I honestly won’t miss this thing.”

“Good morning ladies.” Jared had strolled in. Shay noticed Megan’s eyes darting behind him as she returned the greeting before rushing off.

“What were you two talking about that had Megan so flustered?” Jared mused.

“Oh no, that was all you.” Shay grinned up while fastening the cast. “Before you walked in she was calm as you please, reminding me that tomorrow’s my last day of shooting.”

“That can’t be right. You’re coming back aren’t you?” Jared asked, taking his place at the opposite table.

“Here's hoping,” she waggled her eyebrows. 

Misha’s voice cut through their conversation. “Okay everybody, we’re rolling! And, action!” 

Jensen saunters into the library where Jared sits with books scattered over one table and Shay sits at the other covered in disassembled guns. 

“What the hell is this?” Jensen’s deeper Dean voice rumbled through the space.

Jared looks up in innocence. “She wanted to help.”

“So you let her research, not hand over the weapons Sam!”

Shay pipes up defensively, “They’re not your favorites, just some extras Sam pulled out for me to see if they were in good working order.”

Jensen leans over the table placing weight into his splayed fingers to deliver his last line. “Oh believe me sweetheart, my equipment always works.”

“Cut!” Misha stepped up onto the stage. “Remember, this is Lexi’s last scene, so we really want to encapsulate the feelings between Lexi and each of the brothers. Jared, we need to see that Sam trusts her completely and is a little offended that Dean doesn’t. Jensen, I like the thing you did with your hands, but I want you to play up the innuendo. The eyes need to be as sexy as they are angry. He’s pissed off because he’s attracted to her.” It was strange for Shay to see Misha directing in his Cas wardrobe, but he was appearing at the end of this scene for the first time in the episode. “Okay, let’s reset and run it again!”

Shay marvelled at the difference in the energy on the second take. Jared’s performance of Sam became more mature, protective in nature. And she felt her body tighten in response to the sexual challenge Jensen issued with his eyes and voice. 

After they reversed the cameras to get her coverage, Shay blew take after take. Once she delivered the lines flawlessly but forgot to reassemble the gun. Then she nailed her prop work, but couldn’t maintain her line of sight. The third she maintained eye contact with Jensen, but fumbled and dropped one of the pieces. 

“Shay, honey, just relax,” Misha called, “your first take was completely usable. We don’t really need to see her with the gun.”

“Oh hell no Mish. I practiced with this thing until I could do it blindfolded. I can DO this,” Shay insisted.

They began again, but midway through her lines, Shay broke off in a squeal. She looked first at Jared. He looked puzzled. Across from her Jensen pulled the water gun from under the table, biting down a devilish grin. 

“Oh my god. Jensen?” Shay scooted back, only to have her casted leg thunk to the floor. “Ow! Jesus Jensen,” she attempted to wipe the water from her lap, “now I’m all wet, and we have to go again.” 

Jared, guffawing, had crossed to stand next to Jensen. He clapped him on the back. “That’s what she said.” Both men erupted into gales of laughter.

“Okay everybody, that’s a wrap, we’re moving on!”

Shay exited the stage toward Misha as quickly as possible.

“Misha, I can do that prop work, I just,” she cut off as Misha held his hand up to stop her.

“I have no doubt you can.” He turned her back toward the stage, where Jared and Jensen were standing, still smiling and talking. “But that was something that we had all started to doubt. Your first take was beautiful. I’d rather have it, and them laughing, than a perfect shot any day.”


	9. January 23, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cast and crew wrap up shooting this episode, Shay and Jensen celebrate her first episode of Supernatural.

January 23, 2017

“Okay so here’s your costume, and you should be ready for set.” Megan held out what appeared to be a scrap of fabric thrown over a hanger.

“It seems so strange to call this a costume.” A nervous giggle escaped Shay. “Oh geez Megan, Denise, I’m sorry, that came out wrong. I know you all had to work just as hard on this as any other costume. Harder probably, to get it to lay right and stay up. I guess I’m just a little skittish about going out there in a shower curtain.”

“Half a shower curtain really.” Denise eyed her up and down, “And no offense honey, but that really doesn’t bode well for the rest of your afternoon.”

Shay huffed out half a laugh as she shimmied into the costume. “You’re right. It would actually probably be easier to just be nude. But the whole scene is built on this will they or won’t they tension. The costume, the fear of it slipping is actually a perfect metaphor for it.”

Megan looked at Shay askance. “Not many people would get that.”

“Maybe not consciously. But trust me, when they see this on screen, they will feel it. Even if they don’t know why.” Shay fiddled with the end that flowed over her left shoulder.  
“And it does drape beautifully.”

*****

“Cut! Okay, guys give me a minute.”

“He doesn’t seem happy.” Shay attempted to shift away from the steam machine behind her and wobbled.

“You okay there?” It was one of the few things Jensen had said today.

“Yeah. Somehow this thing is even more uncomfortable wet.”

A sound of excitement came from the huddle behind the monitors. Misha emerged, crossing toward them.

“First of all let me say, what you guys are doing is great. The chemistry is really coming through. Something was off and I couldn’t figure out what it was until just now. The way we have you positioned Shay, the cast is in the water. Which of course it shouldn’t be. I don’t know how we missed it in blocking.”

Shay facepalmed. “Cause I wasn’t wearing it in blocking.” She frowned, “I can’t keep it out of the tub, not with my back to the showerhead.”

Misha dragged a hand over his face. “I know. I think we’re going to have to reconfigure the set. It’s going to cost us hours.”

“Or,” Jensen’s voice was hesitant, “I hold it out of the spray.”

“High enough that it’s no longer the lowest point.” Misha eyes showed his rapidfire thinking. “Not strictly realistic, but cinematically, yeah. Yeah, this could be good.” He turned back to Jensen. “You realize this will up the physical intimacy.”

Jensen shrugged. His eyes met Shay’s for the first time. “It’s doable.”

With his eyes locked on hers, Shay felt her heartbeat quicken. She tore her eyes from Jensen’s face to look at Misha. “Yeah. We can make it work.”

“Okay, let’s run through this.” Misha waved the AD up and filled him in on the new plan. “So you guys will get into position-”

“We’ll want to take out this wall and get a close up of that,” the AD added.

Misha nodded. “And we’ll still use the slip, but instead of your left hand going behind the neck Jensen, just pull her in more securely, and kind of anchor her hips with your forearm. And after that, it pretty much plays out the same. Yeah, this is gonna work.” He patted Jensen on the arm. “Brilliant man. Brilliant.”

After the reset Misha told them, “New positions guys, we’re going to take it from Jensen’s line before the slip. Take your time and get dialed back in before you start. Rolling, and action.”

Shay closed her eyes and summoned Lexi. Her loss, her humiliation, and her absolute fury at her own futility. She opened her eyes and found Jensen’s face mere inches from her own. They moved through the scene and found that the new position changed everything.

Physically, it meant Jensen’s hand was wrapped around the bare skin at the back of her thigh. Being a gentleman, he kept his hand as low as he could, but it was impossible for Shay to ignore that his large hand was mere inches from the most intimate parts of her body. After he dragged her close due to the near second fall, she was essentially splayed over the thick column of his thigh. Likewise, her weight bearing leg was now firmly planted between his feet, ensuring that their bodies touched from knee to breast.

Emotionally, the anger that led the scene before took a backseat to arousal. Shay felt her breath coming in faster, shallower, and a pinking of her cheeks that had nothing to do with the steam swirling around them. Leaning back to rinse her hair, she offered all her trust to this man, opening up a vulnerability every bit as intimate at their physical position.

Once they had completed her coverage, the set department made short work of switching out the side bathroom walls. Shay stood in place, allowing Kelly to build up suds in her hair yet again, and check her makeup. She gulped down the cold water that one of the PAs brought her. By the time they had finished Jensen’s coverage she was woozy with the overload of emotions and heat. Attempting to climb out of the tub, her knee buckled, and she found herself on her hands and knees.

“Shay! Are you all right?” Jensen hurried around to kneel in front of her.

“Yeah, I think so. Got a little light headed, and my leg - it just didn’t want to hold.” She watched Jensen’s hands moving, confused until her brain clicked back into full speed. He was pulling the shoulder section of her costume off the floor and attempting to redrape it. When she had fallen she must have flashed the entire crew. Whoops.

Misha rushed forward, “What happened? Oh shit, Shay, why didn’t you tell me your leg was hurting? Somebody get medical down here, now.” It took both men to haul her to her feet, and half carry her to a chair. A PA appeared with bottles of water and a blanket that was draped over Shay’s shoulders.

Megan came over and handed Jensen a stack of dry clothes. “I didn’t want you to have to walk all the way back in wet jeans,” she smiled shyly. He thanked her and went to change. She approached Shay, pulling out the crochet needle looking tool she used to remove the cast. “Last time, any final words?”

Shay shook her head. “Maybe a ceremonial bonfire?” Megan grinned, knelt down and began working on the cast.

Misha laid a hand on Shay’s shoulder. “You know, when I said I wanted hot and steamy, I didn’t actually mean for you to get burned.”

Shay snorted a laugh. “Well, I hope you got what you wanted, because I’m not sure I can do any reshoots today.”

“Oh, we got it. I swear, it’s a good thing we shoot on digital now, cause the heat between the two of you would have burned right through film.”

“Ow!” Shay looked down at the stabbing pain in her leg. Megan was gaping up at Misha.

“I’m- I’m sorry,” she stammered. She hurried to finish her work and then rushed away.

A woman from the medical team showed up. As she examined her leg, Shay began to wish Megan would come back with her robe. Not only was she still ridiculously exposed, but the curtain was wet, and she was beginning to shiver. Jensen returned in time to hear the medic announce the good news.

“I know it probably feels like the sunburn from hell, but it’s all first degree. It’s gonna be angry for a couple of days, and you may get some slight blistering, but there won’t be any permanent damage.” The medic dressed the burn, giving her care directions, and some medicine to take if the pain got too bad. Relieved to hear she was okay, Misha had to return to his directing duties.

Shay struggled to her feet, accepting Jensen’s hand when he offered it.

“Your hands are cold. Why don’t you get out of that thing?” He gestured to the costume.

She shrugged. “Don’t actually have anything else to put on,” she admitted.

He flagged down a PA and asked for a couple of parkas and a ride back to their trailers.

“In the meantime,” he shrugged out of his chambray shirt, “if you can wear Jared’s shirt as a dress for three days running -”

She grinned as she pulled on the shirt. “You realize that wasn’t really his shirt.” She finished the buttons, and tied the blanket around her waist before pulling off the sodden costume from underneath. “Ah, much better. Thank you.”

“You know,” he gave her a rare smile, “giving a guest star first degree burns on her last day seems like ‘an everybody drinks situation’ doesn’t it?”

“Hell yeah it does. I think my trailer is stocked with a couple of options.”

“Let’s do it.”

*****

Back in her trailer, Jensen looked at the few drink options, deciding on whiskey as a throwback to their first day. It seemed ridiculous that it had only been two weeks ago. There were so few people he felt comfortable being around, he found himself sorry to see her go.

Shay emerged from the bedroom in a sweatshirt, running shorts, and fuzzy socks. Holding up a hand to forestall any comments she told him, “I am fully aware of how stupid it is to wear shorts in this weather. I just couldn’t stand to have anything on my legs right now.”

He took in the bandage on her left leg and the multitude of raw spots and one large, still forming bruise on the right. He whistled, “All I am going to say was that we have really done a number on you. I’ve got to take a picture of this and send it to Misha.” She posed for him and laughed as he sent it with the message, ‘and you said she was your friend’.

“So, here’s to wrapping your first episode of Supernatural,” he toasted her. “What are you going to do next?”

“Ironically, I think when we’re done here, I’m gonna take a shower.”

Jensen choked, spitting out his drink. “Seriously?”

“Seriously. I’m pretty sure I’ve still got about three pounds of soap in my hair.”

He chuckled. Taking another drink, he searched for the right words. “I’m, um,” he swallowed painfully, “I’m glad you were here this week.”

Warmth flooded her expression. “Me too.” She poked the back of his forearm with a fingernail. “You are going to call or text me, let me know how you’re doing, right?”

“Even if it’s three in the morning?”

“Especially if it’s three in the morning. That’s, like, the worst time.”

“Deal.”

She smirked and held her hand out until he shook it. “I’m gonna hold you to that, you know. You go silent on me I’ll start texting you sappy self-help crap until you answer.”

He swallowed a smile. “Do you think you’ll come back?”

“I’d like to,” she shrugged, “I guess we’ll just have to wait and see if the executive gods decide they like Lexi enough to bring her back.”

“Well, if my vote counts for anything, I think they should.”

She arched a brow at him. “You know, it just might.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey readers,  
Thanks for sticking with me through all of Part 1 of Carry On! I have a bit of editing to do on Part 2, but still hope to be able to begin posting fairly soon.  
This is the first work I have ever posted publicly, and would love to hear your thoughts.  
Also, I've been struggling a bit to write the ending of the story, so if you have any ideas or encouragements would be HUGELY appreciated.  
Thanks again!


	10. February 22, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shay returns to Vancouver but things aren't going her way.

Walking home after dinner, Jensen shivered under the leaden sky, and hurried into his building’s lobby.

“Please, I'll take anything you've got. Efficiency, studio, whatever.”

He would have walked right past her if he hadn’t recognized her voice. Shay stood hunched over the reception desk in the lobby, her head propped in her hands.

“Shay? What’s going on?”

Lifting her head, Jensen saw her face was pale and drawn. It seemed to take a moment for her to recognize him. “Hey. Some mix up with my rental.”

“I’m sorry ma’am, but there is nothing we can do for you. If you’d like to come back tomorrow, you could speak to the manager.”

“I understand.” She stepped away from the counter and swayed on her feet.

Automatically, Jensen caught her elbow to steady her. “You don't look so good. Do you need a doctor?”

“No. Migraine kicked in on the plane. I just need to get a hotel room or something so I can take my meds and lie down for a while.”

“I’ll tell you what. Why don’t you come upstairs and take your medicine and then you can call around to find a hotel room after they kick in.”

“I - Yeah, that’d be great.”

Keeping one hand on her elbow, he snagged her luggage with the other hand. Once in his apartment, he led her to the couch. She leaned forward to open her suitcase and rummaged inside. Turning on the light he heard a strangled groan.

“Too bright?”

“Yeah, but I need it to find-” she sat up and immediately slid bonelessly to the floor, “oh, bad idea, bad idea.”

“Shay,” he rushed around to her, “that’s it, I’m taking you to the hospital.”  
“No.” He was taken aback by the command in her tone. “There’s no point. They’ll run the usual tests, give me the same meds I already have, and send me home to sleep it off.”

“You don’t know that.” Heat flashed through him and he felt sweat pop out on his forehead and tingling in his fingers.

“I do. I’ve been to doctors, specialists. I’ve had all the tests. Repeatedly.” She sat up cautiously, and pulled two prescription pill bottles from her bag. “Can you get me some water?”

He breathed deeply and shook out his hands on the way to the kitchen. He opened a cabinet, and saw that his hand was shaking. Pressing his palms to the counter, he bowed his head.

“Breathe Jensen,” he whispered to himself. He needed to get it together. Shay needed him to get it together. She had done so much for him the last few weeks. Sending him memes and stupid cat videos daily to make him smile. Answering the phone no matter what time of day or night. Listening whenever he needed to vent, or more frequently just rambling when he couldn’t stand it inside his own head anymore.

He had been chatting on the phone with Shay three weeks before when he had been hit with his first panic attack. Suddenly he was sweating, shaking, and gasping for air. Shay had coached him through it, counting up for the inhale and counting down for the exhales. Repeating the exercise he felt his breath begin to even out.

Returning with the water, he crouched down next to her. Taking the glass from him, she showed him two pills in her other hand.

“I should warn you, these are going to knock me on my ass. I’ll probably be out eight, ten hours. You okay with that?”

“You’re already on your ass Shay.”

She swallowed the pills, chasing them with the entire glass of water. Sitting it on the floor beside her, she gripped the back of her neck tightly. “God I hope those kick in fast.”

“Does travel always trigger them?”

“No. I had a tension headache before I left. I haven’t been taking very good care of myself.”

“What do you mean?”

“Basic headache stuff. Hydration, sleep, stretching, massage.”

Shifting around to sit behind her on the couch Jensen squeezed her shoulders. “Like this?”

“Oh god yes.”

“So those late night conversations probably didn’t help did they?”

“Yes. No. Which answer will get you to keep doing that?” She leaned her head heavily against his knee.

He chuckled, his tension easing a bit, and pulled her long, heavy hair up and over his leg. He worked his way from her shoulder up to the nape of her neck. After a few minutes he felt the tiniest softening of the corded muscles under his fingers. Weaving his fingers through her hair he massaged the base of her skull and turned pensive.

“The last time I spoke with Dee, on the phone, she told me her head was killing her. I just never dreamed that could be the literal truth.” He felt her try to lift her head and then fall back heavily.

“Jay, I’m so sorry. I didn’t even think.”

“It’s fine.” He shifted her head to his other knee and began to work the opposite side of her neck. “It’s just sometimes I wonder. If I had been there- maybe-”

“No. Jensen don’t do that to yourself.” Her arm wrapped around his calf, hugging him from ankle to knee. “Even if she’d gotten to the hospital before it happened, they would have had to run tests. MRI, CAT scan, spinal tap. Those take time. And if they’d found it, they would have had to call in a neurosurgeon to operate. And probably some kind of OB to oversee it because she was pregnant.” He heard a slurring on her ‘s’ sounds. “Hell, I’m not even sure they would consent to operate on a woman that far along. But mostly I think she would have told you the exact same thing, gone to take the exact same nap, and had the exact same result.”

Her head had gotten heavier, and her words came slower. Clearly the medicine was kicking in.

“Let’s get you up here before you pass out altogether.”

After getting her on the couch he went to his room to gather a pillow and blanket. Returning he saw her tugging at the hoodie she had been wearing. The waistband caught the thin cotton tee she wore underneath pulling it up to reveal smooth skin stretched over her ribs, and the bottom curve of one breast. Averting his eyes, he put the pillow at one end of the L shaped couch, the blanket in the bend. After she was settled he pulled the blanket over her. As he reached her shoulders, her hand reached out and covered his own.

“I’m sorry.” She gave his hand a squeeze. “I bring up such bad memories. I promise I don’t mean to.”

“You don’t bring the bad memories Shay. They’re always here.” He watched her heavy eyelids flutter over glassy eyes. “But you never shy away, no matter how bad they get. Maybe that’s why I don’t mind having you around.” Absently, he raked her hair out behind her on the pillow. “Sleep well.”


	11. February 23, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shay wakes and is shaken by the surge of feelings that come up in the aftermath of Jensen's care.

Morning

The smell of coffee was the first thing Shay became aware of the next morning. Moving gingerly, she tested her neck and shoulders. The dregs of the headache were still there, but it was manageable. After a quick trip to the bathroom, she headed for the kitchen. And sagged against the doorway. The sight of Jensen dishing up two plates of eggs and toast brought back much from the night before. He had found her practically passed out on his doorstep, reminding him vividly of the worst time in his life, but he had helped her. And instead of feeling like a burden, she had felt…… comforted.

“Hey, just in time.” He studied her face. “You look better,” he concluded.

“Yeah. A little tender yet, but that usually goes away after a few hours.”

“Like a migraine hangover.”

She felt her mouth twitch. “Pretty much.”

“Do you want some coffee, breakfast?”

“Yes please. And about a gallon of water.”

Motioning for her to sit, he put both plates on the table. He bustled back and forth, bringing her water, coffee, cream and sugar, and finally silverware for them both before he sat down. The words welled up in her, demanding to be said.

“Jensen,” she waited until he met her eyes. “Thank you.”

“It’s just eggs,” he replied easily.

“It’s not. You took- you’re taking care of me. And if you hadn’t stopped in the lobby-” she cut off, uncomfortable. Scooping up a bite, she ate and smiled ruefully. “They’re good eggs.”

“What would have happened if I hadn’t been in the lobby?”

Glancing up she saw the resolve on his face and under it, something needy. Remembering their conversation about Daneel the night before, she answered him truthfully.

“I’m pretty sure the desk clerk was about two seconds from calling 911 on me. Once EMTs arrive, they’re pretty much obligated to take you to the ER. The doctors there would insist on all those tests I mentioned last night. That takes two, three hours easy. And the lumbar puncture requires at least two hours of monitoring afterward. So that’s half the night right there. And then they won’t release you unless you have someone to drive you home and watch you for at least twelve hours afterwards. It’s,” she swallowed thickly, “not fun.”

“And you’ve had to do all that.”

“Yeah.”

“And you were alone.”

She glanced up nervously, wondering how he knew. But no, he was probably still thinking of his wife. Again, she felt compelled to answer honestly.

“Sometimes. Sucks either way, but by yourself? Really bad.”

“Why were you by yourself?”

“Um, different reasons. And actually the last few times I’ve been in the hospital it was because I was with friends or family that just couldn’t _not_ take me. Thanks for not doing that by the way. I’m sure it must have been hard for you.”

“Well you seemed pretty coherent despite the pain. You said you’d seen all the doctors.”  
Shay was embarrassed when she snorted a humorless laugh. “Yeah. All of the -ists and -ologies.”

“And none of them can do anything?

“There are medicines. With bad efficacy and worse side effects. But I get knocked down five, maybe ten days a year. There are lots of people who have them that suffer that many days a month. So I do my best to prevent them, and try to ride it out when I have to.”

Once they had finished breakfast, Shay insisted on cleaning up.

“I want to. And trust me, you’re gonna want to shower first. Once I get under that hot water I may decide not to come back out,” she joked.

After showering she spent a few extra minutes with her makeup, trying to hide the strain that still showed on her face. She finished dressing, grateful she had packed a quilted kimono jacket that would hide her lack of bra. She had gone along with the hangover metaphor, but truthfully the day after a migraine was more like remission. Any little thing could bring it back. Thank God today was supposed to be a short day. Her only responsibilities were to meet with wardrobe, and show stunt director how well she could swim. She knew that she was likely to be slow today and that it would be all too easy to slip into frustration or fatigue.

Seeing she still had some time, Shay called down to the manager’s office. The woman was polite but quite firm that there was nothing available despite her reservation. Sighing Shay put down the phone. She could feel the tendrils of the headache flaring up. She swallowed half a pain pill and rubbed at her neck briefly, but stopped when she heard Jensen rummaging through a drawer. Grumbling in frustration he moved to another. After a third he gave up, and gathered both their coats. She grabbed her bag and followed him out the door. They rode the elevator in silence. Entering the lobby Jensen strode directly to the lobby desk and greeted the clerk by name.

“Good morning, Kyle. I need a favor from you. I’m headed out of town shortly, but I’m letting Ms. Martin stay in my apartment while she’s here. The thing is, I looked everywhere, but I couldn’t find my spare key. Do you have one I can lend her?

“Sure thing Mr. Ackles. Just one minute.” The young man retreated into an office.

Shay swallowed the lump in her throat. “Jay, thank you, but it’s not necessary.”

“I think it is. You’re good with make-up, but you looked better when you first woke up. It’s starting to hurt again isn’t it?”

Unwilling to lie to him, she nodded. “Maybe a little.”

“Do this for me.” He took one of her hands in both of his. “Don’t make me pull the guilt card and tell you how much I’ll worry if you’re all alone in a hotel somewhere.”

The clerk returned. “Here you go Mr. Ackles. And I’ll need to add your guest to the list of those allowed to enter the building. Your name ma’am?”

“Shay Martin. I already have a profile. I stayed in a short term unit about a month ago.”

“Ah, yep there you are. May I ask how long you’ll be with us this time?”

Shay shrugged, trying to act casual despite the thundering of her heart. “About a week or so. It just depends on how the work goes.”

“Okay, I’ll put it in here for two weeks, just to be safe. You two have a good day.”

Jensen shook the young man’s hand. “Thanks Kyle. See you later, man.”

Clif was already outside waiting with their ride to work.

“Sunshine! How you doin’ girl?” Clif climbed down out of the car to greet Shay.

“Glad to be back big man, glad to be back.” She returned his hug, and climbed into the front seat. Jensen listened to the two of them catch up while he skimmed through Instagram.

*****

“Hi Jensen!”

He nearly slammed into Megan as she appeared from nowhere. Shay bumped into his shoulder and reached for the wall to balance herself. He didn’t like that she was still so unsteady. Despite Megan’s presence he put a hand on the small of Shay’s back and led her into the conference room. Inside, he was immediately greeted by Amber and Samantha. He introduced Shay to Sam whom had not been on set when Shay had visited previously. When the women struck up a conversation he joined Jared, who was predictably at the craft services table. Chatting, Jensen made himself a coffee and picked up a few other things.

Taking a seat next to Shay he slid a cup towards her. “Tea. I wasn’t sure if you’d want any more caffeine.”

The grateful look she gave him pinged in his chest, an echo from their breakfast conversation. “Perfect, thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first of several days that had to be broken into pieces. In this case I wanted to stop here because the actors are about to do the the read through of the script for 12x17. Therefore that script will be the following chapter. After the script we'll return to see what happens in the rest of the day.


	12. Script 12 x 17 The British Incursion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An alteration of 12 x 17 keeping the plot lines from the British Men of Letters but skipping the other plot lines to make room for the return of the original fictional character Lexi Jager. Lexi was originally introduced in the Script 12 x 13 The Discovery of Alexandria. If you have found this and haven't read it, I highly recommend it. it is Chapter 2 of this work, and will make this chapter much easier to follow.  
It can be found here.  
https://archiveofourown.org/works/21055772/chapters/50094413

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Previously on Supernatural
> 
> Sam appears in doorway. Lexi is in the hospital bed, her eyes glassy and half closed.  
SAM: Hey. Lexi right?  
LEXI: Sam Winchester.
> 
> EXT. HOMESTEAD - DAY  
Open on shot of multiple farmhouses and barns. The buildings on the left are engulfed in flames, the ones on the right just beginning to burn.  
An explosion from the house Lexi was running toward.  
All three are knocked to the ground. Lexi lurches forward as if she will continue even though there is clearly no way anyone inside could have survived. Sam scrambles to catch her and hold her in place. Dean circles around behind them, weapons ready for an attack. Lexi begins to scream for her lost family.  
PUSH IN on burning house
> 
> INT. IMPALA - DAY  
SAM: -because I had no idea what it was. The men of letters had it stashed away, labeled as object unknown. But this book from the archives describes it to a T. Lexi, do you know -  
Sam turns to see Lexi asleep in the back seat. His face softens. He twists around dragging the blanket over her legs up to cover her chest as well.  
SAM: She's been through so much the last couple days. I guess it caught up to her.  
DEAN: (in a warning tone) Sam,  
SAM: What?  
DEAN: I don't know Sammy, I just.....  
(Flashback: Feet intermingled at the bottom of the shower. Dean's hand gripping the shower curtain tighter, just under the anti possession tattoo on her lower spine. Dean's face showing arousal. Dean's hand closes over the shower handle and turns off water.)  
Dean's eyes glance at rearview mirror.  
DEAN: I don't know.

TEASER

INT. Kendricks Academy, England -- 1987  
Two boys in formal school uniforms walk through the halls of a lavish private school and enter an office marked Headmistress Dr. Hess. The office is opulent but has a large section of the floor covered with plastic.

DR. HESS: Timothy, Mick, you have both conquered many trials at Kendricks, through natural talent or hard work. Today, we will find out who moves on. Only one of you will be leaving this room.

CLOSE UP: Her hand pulls back a black cloth to reveal a knife.

Later, young Mick walks down the corridor towards Dr. Hess where she waits. She looks up. Mick is splattered with blood.

MICK: Timothy fought well; he didn't want to die.

DR. HESS: The Code demanded otherwise.

Mick clutches the knife, covered in blood in his hand.

INT. BRITISH MEN OF LETTERS OFFICE

Dr. Hess sits behind a desk. Mick enters and is stunned to see her.

MICK: Dr. Hess? Ma'am?

DR. HESS: (not looking up) The leadership grows very impatient with the lack of results from your American experiment. And now we have learned of a cosmic disturbance here on a level we have rarely seen. I suggest you get your house in order Mr. Davies, or it will cease to be your house.  
She glares at him and he nods hurriedly.

SCREEN FLASHES BLACK

OPENING CREDITS

ACT I

INT. BUNKER WAR ROOM

Sam and Dean enter the bunker and start down the stairs before they notice Mick standing off to one side of the War Room, sipping a drink.

SAM: Mick? What are you doing here?

DEAN: And how'd you get in?

MICK: Ah, master key. Opens any Men of Letters bunker in the world. As to what I'm doing, I've been sent to ask you about a cosmic disturbance in the area.

DEAN: Sent? I thought you were the head of...whatever.

MICK: Everybody has a boss Dean. And mine just showed up here. Worrisome, that. I've never heard tell of her leaving the home office. So this disturbance, it must be important.

SAM: Yeah, about that. It's probably Kelly and the nephilim pregnancy.

MICK: A nephilim? That's rare, but I don't think it would cause this kind of commotion.

SAM: Well no, but this isn't just the child of any angel. It's the child of an archangel. Of Lucifer.

MICK: Lucifer. The actual devil. Satan himself spawned a child, and you knew about it, and didn't tell us?

SAM: I know we probably should have, but -

Dean's phone rings. He takes a few steps away from Sam and Mick. Pulling it out of his pocket he looks at it.

CLOSE UP ON PHONE: "Dean's Other Phone"

DEAN: Hello?

INT. EMPTY HOUSE

Camera pans around room. Photographs and maps pinned on wall with routes highlighted. A card table is set up with laptops showing surveillance of house that we can also see out the window. On bare floors there are boxes full of books. One book sitting open atop a pile of others shows a page titled Nephilim. The camera pans up from the book and focuses on Lexi's face.

LEXI: Hi Dean.

INT. BUNKER WAR ROOM

DEAN: We've been trying to reach you all this time, and you're calling me on my own damn phone? What the hell were you thinking disappearing like that? We got back and you were just gone. All your promises of information from your precious archives, and we heard nothing, _nothing_, for weeks!

Sam and Mick both snap to attention. Sam hurries over, leaving Mick standing alone.

DEAN: (cont.) The least you could do is return a damned call. I _know_ Sam left messages.

Sam wrestles the phone out of Dean's hand, and puts it on speaker. Lexi's voice echoes angrily out of the phone.

LEXI: -being Men of Letters. I saw a man BLINK into existence, for god's sake! And then I wake up, who knows how much later, with _no_ idea what happened to me _or_ to the two of you.

INT. EMPTY HOUSE

SAM: Lexi, Lexi! It's Sam. You don't know how good it is to hear your voice.

Lexi's anger dissolves into a sad smile before she drags her free hand over her face.

LEXI: Sam. I got your messages. I'm .... I'm sorry I worried you. I had some things I had to do before I could risk contacting anyone again.

INT. BUNKER WAR ROOM

DEAN: But let me guess. Now you've finished whatever your oh so secret mission was, and you're calling for an update. Well here's your update sweetheart. You can quit running. Your cousin, and every other bloodsucker in the country, is dead.

LEXI: (scoffs) Yeah right. Keep dreaming Dean.

SAM: No, Lexi, he's telling you the truth. I killed the Alpha myself.

INT. EMPTY HOUSE

LEXI: You .... you killed the Alpha. The first EVER vampire.

SAM: Yeah. With the Colt.

LEXI: The Colt. The revolver made by Samuel Colt in 1835? I wasn't even sure that thing was real. Sam, that is ....

INT. BUNKER WAR ROOM

LEXI: (cont.) Damn, that is badass.

(Sam's face lights with pride.)

LEXI: (Audible sigh) But it doesn't mean that all vampires are gone. Hell, I'm tracking three of them right now.

SAM: (exchanging glances with Dean and then Mick) Are you sure?

INT. EMPTY HOUSE

Lexi holds a pair of binoculars up to her eyes.

Through the window of the house across the street we see signs of squatters, plus the bodies of small pets piled in the corner.

LEXI: Yup, pretty sure. They're not Andy's crew like I hoped, but-

MICK: That's not possible.

Lexi pulls the phone away from her ear and looks at it suspiciously.

LEXI: Who was that?

INT. BUNKER WAR ROOM

MICK: Mick Davies, British Men of Letters. And you are?

LEXI: I'm....(a long silence and then a dial tone)

MICK: What happened? Ring her back!

Sam attempts to reconnect and is sent immediately to voicemail.

MICK: Can you track the phone?

SAM: I’m sure she just lost the signal.

MICK: You are, are you? Because if it was my bird out there tracking something nasty, I'd want to make sure. Send in some bloody backup in case she needed help.

Sam nods and heads to his laptop.

DEAN: (in a warning voice) Sam.

SAM: This is the whole point of working with a group, Dean. We can't be everywhere at once. Look. It last pinged off a tower just north of Pittsburgh. That's gotta be 15 hours from here.

Mick is already jogging up the stairs.

MICK: I'll find out who we've got nearby and get them on it. No worries boys! We'll have her back in no time!

The Winchesters exchange concerned glances.

EXT. SLIGHTLY RUN DOWN RESIDENTIAL STREET

Ketch and Mary exit a black sedan, scanning the street. They gather weapons from the back seat.

KETCH: You're sure it's this one?

MARY: According to this thing, the phone is less than 100 feet, right there.

They cross the street and climb the stairs to the front door. Ketch pulls out his gun.

MARY: What are you doing? This is a hunter, a human being, we're looking for.

KETCH: Still, she may not be welcoming. Best to be prepared.

Mary reluctantly draws her gun as well. When they knock, the front door swings open with a horrible squeal. They enter, clearing the hallway, and in the background we see a jogger across the street just before the door closes.

EXT. SLIGHTLY RUN DOWN RESIDENTIAL STREET

Back of female jogger from outside the house. She stops next to Ketch's car, and pretends to tie her shoe as the camera pans around to show Lexi.  
Lexi scoots closer to car and removes device to unlock doors. She begins to work on the car door and glances at the house.

INT. EMPTY HOUSE

Ketch signals that he will clear the first floor and for Mary to take the second. Mary looks unsure, but agrees. Camera follows Ketch from room to room, until we hear Mary yell OS for him to join her.

Ketch enters the room we saw previously. Lexi's things have been removed. The card table is still there, holding Dean's cell phone, and a number of scattered thumbtacks. The walls hold only five photographs. The first two are from the surveillance screens earlier. The other three contain head shots. They are very dark, but we can see three individuals who look like they might be squatters.

MARY: Well, she cleared out pretty fast, but at least she decided to share information.

KETCH: Isn't the point of calling for backup to actually wait for help to arrive? These Jagers really don't seem to get that.

MARY: What?

KETCH: Nothing. Ready to go kill some vampires?

MARY: I thought you'd never ask.

EXT. SLIGHTLY RUN DOWN RESIDENTIAL STREET

The squeal of the door alerts Lexi, who is half in the back seat of Ketch's car, her arm in a suit coat.

LEXI: (whispered) Shit!

She slithers out of the car and eases the door shut holding the handle carefully.

We hear two pairs of footsteps getting closer. Lexi is plastered up against the car, her eyes wide.

Camera follows Ketch and Mary around the back side of the car. Halfway up to the house under surveillance Mary turns as if she senses something. Camera shows Ketch's car - but no Lexi. Camera pans back to included car and house. Moments after the front door closes, the first gun shot sounds. Lexi rolls out from under the car and jogs back down the street the way she came.

FADE OUT

ACT II

EXT. GAS STATION ON BACK ROAD, LATE AFTERNOON

Lexi holds a phone to her ear and bends over the hood of her car, frowning at a map that has x's and o's drawn on it.

INT. IMPALA  
Dean is driving, Sam in the passenger seat with a tablet. A phone is on the dash, with Unknown Caller on the screen.

SAM: There's just no pattern to the victims. Age, gender, location, they're all over the place.

DEAN: Except the part where Donna told us that all the victims go missing except the blonde females, who turn up immediately with their faces bashed in, you mean.

EXT. GAS STATION ON BACK ROAD

Lexi throws her own blonde braid behind her shoulder. She traces her finger over the map.

LEXI: Yeah, it's Andy all right. And there is a pattern. All the victims were taken within half a mile of water. Either the Mississippi River or a smaller river that flows into it. They have to be traveling by boat.

SAM: You're right! I didn't even see that. But that still doesn't help us find the nest. There's gotta be 500 miles of river between all the victims.

INT. IMPALA

DEAN: According to Donna, all the victims were taken either north of Hastings, or south of Winona. My bet is they're holed up about halfway between.

SAM: That'd be the area around Trevino, I guess.

LEXI: That's good. There's a tributary here on my map, but it's not labeled. Do you see a name for it Sam?

Sam zooms in on the map on his tablet.

SAM: It's, uh, the Chippewa river.

LEXI: (excitedly) The Chippewa. Guys, I know where they are.

The impala roars toward the camera. Hwy 35 sign is visible on the side of the road.

INT. GENERIC CAR

Mick sits behind the wheel, glancing at the cell phone mounted to the dash.

CLOSE UP ON CELL PHONE: Two dots are visible traveling along highway 35.

MICK: (OS) Where the hell are you going lads?

FADE TO WHITE

EXT. WOODS NEAR RIVER

The Winchesters creep through snow covered woods, coming to a clearing that contains a cabin and a dock with a covered boat tied to it.

SAM: Looks like she was right.

DEAN: Yeah. Did the cover on that boat just move?

Camera views boat from Winchester's position. the cover jerks near the edge.

SAM: There could be somebody tied up in there.

DEAN: Let's go.

They creep down the dock, and pull the cover up dramatically. They find a frog trapped under the cover. They relax, exchanging amused grins. Turning, their grins drop as they see a dozen vampires gathered near the land end of the dock.

HEAD VAMPIRE: Not who I was waiting for, but you'll do. We're gonna have fresh meat tonight boys!

DEAN: You must be Andy. I got a message from a friend of mine.

ANDY: Well, what is it?

DEAN: (pulls out the machete and twirls it in his hand) Oh, it's less the kind I tell you, and more the kind you get when I chop your head off.

Andy snarls and rushes the dock. The other vampires follow, but are bottle necked. Andy goes for Dean and another leaps past them to get to Sam. The boys fight, but are badly outnumbered.

A car door is heard OS. Mick comes running down to the dock, a pistol in one hand and a cricket bat in the other. He fires his gun into the chest of the vampires at the end of the dock, knocking them back a step. He rushes the dock, shooting and using the bat to knock the vampires off of the dock. He reaches the boys who make a defensive triangle with their backs together.

DEAN: Not that I'm not glad to see you, Mick, but you just brought a bat to a knife fight.

Focus on foreground where Blood drips off Dean's machete. Indistinctly we see vampires coming up out of the water and climbing back onto the dock in the background.

FADE OUT

ACT III

INT. LEXI'S CAR

Lexi is driving on dirt road through trees. Entering the clearing, she sees the fighting on the dock.

LEXI: (shaking her head) You just couldn't wait for me could you?

EXT. WOODS NEAR RIVER

A vampire guarding the end of the dock rushes toward her. Instead of hitting the brakes she guns the engine, hitting it and bumps up and down as she runs over it. Opening the door she swings down with the machete three times before managing to behead the vampire.  
Pulling a rifle from the passenger seat, she exits the car and kneels by the front tire, using the hood to steady her shot. She fires, and one vampire on the dock is suddenly without eyes. Taking aim again, the vampire nearest land takes two bullets through the knee. Gore splatters out of it's leg as it falls to the ground. She sees a vampire rip the bat from Mick's hands and hit Sam in the head with it.

DEAN: Sam!

LEXI: Shit!

She shoots quickly, and the vampire holding the bat drops it, closing his hands over his throat, now squirting blood. Looking for another quick shot, Lexi shakes her head in frustration.

LEXI: Damn it!

Lexi runs for the lake, shedding her heavy jacket and boots on the way. She dives into the water and begins swimming for the spot where Sam went under. She comes up to get her bearings, takes a deep breath and dives.

On the dock, Mick is down, a vampire feeding from his upper arm. Dean is battling the last two vampires standing, but is distracted by his worry for Sam.

WIDE SHOT OF LAKE AND DOCK: We see Lexi Resurface with a limp Sam. She struggles toward shore under Sam's weight. Behind them Dean returns to the fight with new energy.

Lexi reaches shore, but is unable to pull more than Sam's torso out of the water. She collapses half under him, but still tries to find a pulse with shaking fingers. Dean appears, covered in blood splatters.

DEAN: Is he...?

LEXI: Alive. Help me turn him.

Together they heave Sam onto his side, and he coughs up lake water. Mick stumbles up, clutching his blood soaked arm.

MICK: This wasn't supposed to happen. None of this had to happen. If you lot would just work with us...

LEXI: What?

DEAN: Can it! We've got to get inside, and patched up, or none of us are gonna last the night.

INT. CABIN MAIN ROOM

Dean and Lexi are helping Sam shuffle toward a recliner next to a fireplace. Once he's in it, Dean stretches and winces.

DEAN: I'll go rescue Mick from whatever tree he's holding up.

LEXI: I'll start getting him warm.

CLOSE UP Lexi's face through the flames.

Lexi leans over Sam, tapping his face.

LEXI: Sam, wake up. Hey, stay with me Sammy.

SAM: I'm with you.

LEXI: Good. Because I need to get you out of these wet things, and that'll be a lot easier with your help.

SAM: (smiling weakly) You're always taking my clothes.

She pulls a wicked looking knife from behind her and leans in close to his face.

LEXI: (grinning) That's right, I am. Now hold very, very still so that's all I take.

She smooths his hair back off of his face before carefully cutting his t-shirt down the front. Once she's done she helps him remove his arms. As she is pulling his arms free, Sam spasms and crumples in the chair.

LEXI: Sam! (pressing her ear to his chest) Dean!

Dean burst through the door, dragging Mick behind.

DEAN: What happened?

LEXI: His heart I think. He has a pulse, but it's so weak. We have to get him warm NOW. Get the rest of these wet clothes off, I'll get blankets.

Lexi carries a pile of blankets to Dean. She looks down at Sam before blinking purposefully and averting her eyes. Her face shows a mix of surprise and admiration. Mick sits in a chair in the background behind her unsuccessfully trying to bandage his own arm.

MICK:Oi! A little help here?

Lexi crosses to him and takes over bandaging his upper arm.

LEXI: Outside, you said this didn't have to happen. What did you mean?

MICK: Bloody Americans. Stubborn, bullheaded..... we asked nicely you know. (Mick's speech is slurred, and his movements drunken from blood loss.) Offered money, power, position. But not one of them would take it. Except Andy. And he didn't even know where the bloody archives were! So we had him bring you to the warehouse, but he had to go off, playing cowboy, before we could get there. Ow!

(Lexi has tied off his bandage savagely.)

Lexi stands so fast her chair topples over and slams against the floor. She backs away shaking. Mick tries to follow, reaching out to grab her but stumbles and passes out. His head cracks against the floor. Dean rounds the couch at the commotion.

DEAN: What's going on?

Lexi continues backing away until she bumps into the back of the couch. She is still shaking, and staring at Mick's collapsed form with a crazed look on her face.

LEXI: It’s him. He's the "friend" that told Andy where the vamp nest was. They were trying to get to me. But instead... and now they're all...

DEAN: Hey. Hey, it's okay, it's not- (he starts to take her hand only to draw back sharply) Shit, Lexi, you're freezing! Why haven't you changed?

DEAN takes Lexi's hand and leads her around the couch until she stands in front of the fireplace. She stares unseeing at his chest.

DEAN: Lexi. Hey, look at me. (He snaps in front of her eyes. Lexi blinks rapidly, and her unfocused eyes sharpen, looking up at his face) Take off your clothes. Now.  
Lexi's looks startled for a moment before understanding sets in. She nods. Dean turns his back. He pulls the couch closer and sets up a pallet for her, and holds a blanket up to wrap her in before turning back. Lexi stands where she was before, her hands holding her shirt but shaking so badly she has not managed to undo a single button.

DEAN: Damn it, Lexi.

He grabs the tails her shirt and rips, buttons pinging across the floor. Pulling it roughly from her arms, he wraps the blanket around her shoulders.

CLOSE UP: On their faces, gazes locked. Never taking his eyes off hers, we hear a zipper OS, and he moves in a way that suggests he is working her jeans over her hips.  
Dean half lifts Lexi and lays her on the couch. Making sure she is wrapped in blankets from neck to hip, he removes her boots and work the wet jeans over her knees and off her legs. Wrapping her lower legs securely, he moves to sit in another plush chair. He stares at Lexi's face as her breathing settles. He shifts his focus to Sam, and finally to the fire before he sighs heavily and closes his eyes.

Focus on the fireplace and gradually fade to black

EXT. CABIN

Sam and Lexi exit the cabin deep in conversation.

SAM: You don't have to run. You can come back with us.

LEXI: To your "secret" bunker. I'm sorry Sam, but no, I can't.

Lexi frames Sam's face in her hands and pulls him down to press a kiss to his cheek. Then she begins to whisper in his ear.

LEXI: Don't ever let them know you've seen the archives Sam. They will _hurt_ you to find out any scrap of information.

She pulls away and looks at him intently as she continues to hold his face. He nods slowly in understanding. A car door slams OS causing them to look over. Dean is leaning on Lexi's trunk.

DEAN: So, you're all packed up and ready to go.

Dean runs a hand on top of the trunk. Lexi crosses, and leans back on the trunk as well, keeping some space between them.

LEXI: Thank you. I need you to take this, keep it safe for me.

She hands him a folded piece of paper. He opens it and frowns.

DEAN: There's no names with these numbers.

LEXI: (in a quiet voice) The top one is me. Well, not a direct line, but I'll be able to get any message you leave there. The others ..... they're burner phones. I gave them out to the few people I managed to find. I programmed them with your number in case they need help.

Lexi stands as if to leave. Dean's hand darts out, grabbing her by the upper arm as he shoots to his feet. He pulls her around to face him, giving her a little shake.

DEAN: Why us? Why wouldn't they call you?

LEXI: If these people need help, it's _because_ of me. Because .... someone .... might try to use them to GET to me. (She reaches up and places her hand over Dean's heart) I'm trusting you with the only people I have left.

SAM: (appearing at Dean's side) They're not the only people you have.

Lexi looks at each of the brothers wistfully. She backs away, shaking her head no. She opens the driver door and dashes tears from her cheeks before looking back at them.

LEXI: Take care of each other.

INT. LEXI’S CAR

Lexi starts the car, and begins driving away. The Winchester brothers shrink in the rear windshield, watching her leave.

SUNLIGHT GLARES OFF REAR VIEW MIRROR

SCREEN FADES TO WHITE

INT. BRITTISH MEN OF LETTERS OFFICE

Mick sits at a table across from Dr. Hess. Ketch stands in the background.

DR. HESS: You're telling me you were face to face with the last Jager archivist and you didn't manage to bring her in?

MICK: I was half conscious from blood loss. And it's not as if the Winchesters would let me just bash an innocent woman on the head and throw her in the boot of my car.

DR. HESS: (rising from the table) I don't give a damn about the Winchesters! They, and _all_ the American hunters are a hindrance to our work and must be treated as such.

MICK: Dr. Hess, I know you don't approve of their methods, but they are saving human lives, fighting the good fight.

DR. HESS: And losing. No, the American experiment has failed utterly.

She gives a small jerk of her head. Ketch shoots Mick without warning. He falls to the table, a bullet hole in the center of his forehead.

DR. HESS: Find the archivist. As for the hunters, put out a kill order. On all of them.

She drops a thick pile of files onto the table next to Mick's dead body. Ketch nods at her as she exits the room.

CLOSE UP: The files, each titled with a hunter's name. The top two tabs read Winchester, D. and Winchester S. Further down is Mills, J. and Novak, C.

FADE OUT


	13. February 23, 2017 pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The completion of the first day working on The British Incursion, and a bit of domesticity.
> 
> Also: ADR stands for Automated Dialogue Replacement and is common for actors to have to re-record or "loop" their own dialogue due to sound disturbances during the original recording.

Shay sat back in her chair, exhausted. It was the medicine she knew. The read through had gone smoothly, the cast and crew being so used to each other that they worked seamlessly together. A hand alighted on her shoulder.

“Hey, you good?”

“Yeah, I’m good. I am.” Christ, this man with his genuine concern and his soft touches were going to be the end of her. Behind him she saw Jared watching with a calculating look. So she directed her next comments at him.

“I’m damn good.” She sent a wink along with the words at Jared for good measure. “You boys have fun now.”

Jared leaned across Jensen to whisper to her. “Oh, we will. I’ve got some really good stuff in store for Adam.”

Knowing Jared’s love of pranks Shay tried to bite back a smile and failed miserably. She settled for placing a finger across her lips in a shushing motion. Conspiratorially, she whispered back, “Good luck.”

Standing, she joined Denise, head of wardrobe, and Megan her assistant back to the wardrobe department to go over the options for her character. Most of the female hunter garb was pretty standard for the show, and after a few quick measurements Denise disappeared back into the racks. Megan stayed with Shay to help her in and out of the wetsuits dropped off by the scuba team that would be assisting with the lake rescue.

“Geez, they sure don’t make these things easy to get into do they?” Megan huffed, trying to pull a zipper over Shay’s upper back.

“They really don’t.” Shay hunched and lowered her shoulders trying to get comfortable in the suit. Circling her arms, Shay shook her head.

“This is why I hate the long sleeved ones. They never fit me through the shoulders, and it really slows me down in the water. I’ve got a sleeveless one at home that fits like a dream.”

“Well, why didn’t you bring it?” Megan was now tugging on the ill-fitting suit trying to get it off of Shay’s arms.

“Not nearly warm enough. These are all probably six or seven millimeters thick. I don’t think they even make the long-john ones thicker than three or four. Okay,” Shay took a deep breath, “last one. Let’s hope it works.” She began wriggling her feet into the legs. “Hey, are you going to have to do this with Jared too?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Well, if anybody would have problems fitting their shoulders into a wetsuit, it’d be him wouldn’t it?”

“I guess,” the younger woman mused, “It’s a shame Jensen’s not going in the water as well.” At Shay’s snicker, Megan looked up alarmed, as if she had just realized she had spoken out loud.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Shay giggled, “I’m just trying to imagine trying a bow legged wetsuit.” The women laughed together for a minute.

“So how’s this one fit?” Megan asked as they calmed down. Shay put her arms through range of motion exercises, grimacing a few times.

“Still pulls here,” she said touching the seams to the sleeves, “but by far the best we’ve had so far.”

*****

Shay loved to swim. She loved that she could feel the speed of moving through water on her skin, the length of her stroke and power of her legs propelling her forward. Even more, she loved the sensory dampening qualities. Sounds were cut to the barest of whispers, sight limited to a soothing blue field with strong black lines to guide her. When she was underwater she felt strong and free.

Completing her warm up, Shay leaned her head back on the edge of the pool to slow her breathing. She saw Tony, head of stunts talking with Mike, Jared’s long time stunt double. She hoisted herself out of the pool and crossed to them.

“You said you could swim,” Tony chuckled, “you never said you were part fish.”

“Shhhhh!” Shay looked around as if to see if anyone was listening. “How did you know? I left my tail at home and everything!” She grinned at her own joke.

“Laugh all you want. You wouldn’t believe how many people I’ve worked with that told me they could swim but then when it came down to it could barely doggy paddle. You look like you were born to it.”

“It is absolutely one of my favorite things.”

“Well then this should be easy.”

It wasn’t easy. Shay had started the day worried about fatigue and frustration, and despite her headache being completely gone, she had experienced a great deal of both in the last half hour. Swimming in clothes was hard. The weight of the soaked denim and flannel tried to pull her to the bottom, and the drag cut her momentum down to a crawl.  
Their first task was to calculate how many strokes she would need to take to reach her mark in the water. She was irked to realize it was probably twice as many as she would usually need to cover the same distance. Then they choreographed her rescue of Sam. This part at least was familiar, since her many lifeguarding courses had covered recovery of passive victims. Although Shay doubted she’d ever been tasked with rescuing such a large victim, and certainly never without a rescue tube.

“Don’t worry about speed,” Tony told her, “we’ve got divers who are going to be pulling you on a wire. And Jared will have flotation devices on his back, so you don’t really need to hold him up. It just needs to look like you’re propelling the two of you through the water.”

Mike chimed in. “It’s not real sweetheart. If it was, I’d be dead at least once a month.”

She smiled at him. “I get it. It just feels strange.” She began working to remove the waterlogged clothes while Mike exited the pool.

“You comin’?” Tony called down.

“Nah, I’m gonna take a few laps until I feel normal again. Throw me my goggles?” She grinned when he sling-shotted them into the water, and pushed off the wall into her own personal oasis.

*****

Jensen checked the clock. Four minutes later than the last time he had looked. He wasn’t worried he assured himself. He just …. thought Shay would have been back before the food arrived. He looked at the huge order of Mexican food that had just been delivered. Well, he didn’t know what she liked, but there was plenty, so he’d take a little of everything so she’d still have all the options.

He had only taken his second bite when he heard the key in the lock. Shay slipped in, a smile on her face, and her hair still dripping.

“You do realize you’re in Canada, right?” He asked pointing to the wet spots on her coat.

“Aww come on Mom, it went up to 50 today,” she teased while piling her hair up into a messy bun, “and besides, I wore my hat all the way home, I promise. I only took it off in the elevator.” She shook the beanie in front of him before removing her coat and hanging it up.

“Oh, that smells good. What are you having?”

He watched her eyes widen as he listed all the foods he had ordered. “And there’s some of everything still in the kitchen. Get whatever you like.”

She headed for the kitchen, returning with a plate piled high. When she sat, she reached over and squeezed his hand for a moment.

“You are a prince among men, Jensen Ackles. I am starving.” He noticed that her hand was shaking.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeahmp,” she nodded her mouth full. She swallowed and continued. “Just really, really hungry. I haven’t swam that hard in a long time. I forgot how much energy it takes.”

He believed her. Especially when she went back for more nachos as soon as she had emptied her plate. He grinned as she slumped down in her chair, eating at a more leisurely rate.

“So you’re all set for the water stunts?”

“Yeah. They’re not easy, but like Tony said, we’re gonna have wet suits and flotation devices and a wire pulling us to shore. Our job is just to make it look like none of that stuff is there.”

They chatted for a while longer, as they finished eating and tidied away the mess. Midway through her phone began ringing. Glancing up at the clock she startled.

“Oh, it’s my kids bedtime call! Do you mind?”

“Of course not. Go on. This is pretty much done anyway.”

He gave the counter a wipe and listened to her greet her kids. He had spoken with JJ a few hours earlier. It occurred to him as he moved Shay’s suitcase into JJ’s room that he probably should have mentioned that he was letting someone stay in it. But she had been in such a good mood, so much more like the little girl she was before, he had spent most of the call listening to her plan her upcoming playdate with the Padaleckis.

He looked around and decided to try to try to scrape up at least one layer of the hundreds of frilly things that seemed to make up his daughter’s room. He removed the stuffed animals and dolls that took up half of the twin bed, and decided to swap out the pink ruffled blanket and pillow for the ones that Shay had used on the couch the night before. He was clearing the desk when he heard singing from the next room.

It was a lullaby he supposed, although by the energetic voices pouring out of the phone he doubted that it was helping to put anyone to sleep. He half listened to her finish her call, continuing to gather things that made the room look crowded or cluttered and trying to find a place for them in the closet. From the doorway came a sound that he associated with women who have just seen a puppy.

Shay stood, her eyes lit with laughter, fingers pressed against her curved lips. “It’s …. so….” she shook her head unable to finish.

“Pink?” he offered.

“Pink,” she agreed, “and girly, and adorable. It’s a nice change from navy and gray, laser guns and monster trucks,” she grinned. “I came to get my comb, so I can start working on this mess.” She unwound the topknot of her hair, and it fell in damp sections down over her shoulders. He pointed to where he had stashed her suitcase in the corner, and got out of her way.

In the living room he channel surfed until he found a game he wanted to watch. Eventually Shay joined him, sitting on the other leg of the L-shaped couch and picking through her hair with the comb. When a commercial came on she turned to him.

“So how did Adam handle Jared’s antics?” she asked him.

“Like a champ. Of course he’s worked with us before, so he’s had some practice. Good thing too. If Jared had hammed it up too long, I never would have gotten through my ADR work.”

“You’ve been doing a lot of that lately.”

“Tons. But at least it’s quicker than all of the intro and exit work I’ve been doing to try to catch up on the faceless Dean shots.

“Faceless De- ow! I’m sorry hold that thought.” She crossed into the bedroom, and Jensen could see her spritzing her hair liberally with some kind of product.

“Problem?” he asked when she returned.

“Not usually, but sometimes it can be a bitch to detangle. So, faceless Dean, explain that to me.”

“Well, ah, they did a lot of little cheats before the holidays to make it look like Dean was in the room even though I was ….. back home.” He swallowed back the pressure he always felt in his throat when talking about that time. Shay reached over and rubbed his knee gently.

“How’d they cheat?”

“Um, mostly Todd, my stunt guy. He’d stand so his shoulder was in the foreground on Jared’s coverage, or have his feet propped on the table the way I do. And Dean’s going on a real handy man kick in the next couple of episodes. They filmed whole scenes with Todd under the Impala, half in a cabinet fixing the kitchen sink, even up on a ladder head and shoulders up in the ceiling. So when I got back, I just had to do the intro or exit shot, and then loop the dialogue in, like today.”

“That’s brilliant. And the fangirls will go nuts. They love it when they get to see the boys do domestic shit.”

“That’s true, I hadn’t thought of it that way.”

“Oh yeah,” Shay giggled, “nothing sexier than a man who knows how to use his hands.” She pulled the comb through her hair and winced.

“No offense, but do you know how to use yours? It can’t possibly take that long to fix your hair everyday.”

She huffed out a sigh and flung the comb down. “It doesn’t. Or didn’t, until I left here last time. I actually called Kelly not long after I got home because there was such an obvious change. Turns out all that gunk they were putting to make my hair look sudsy in the shower scene wasn’t just shampoo. It had dish soap in it too. Stripped all the natural oils right out. Ever since, it’s just been one big tangled mess.”

He picked up the comb and patted the couch between his knees. “Come sit.”

“Jensen, you can’t-”

“Why not? I do it for JJ all the time.” Seeing her reluctance, he tugged at her wrist until she left the couch and sat between his feet. Working his fingers into her hair, he began lifting and smoothing small sections. He grinned as she started babbling a million miles a minute.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do with it. I’ve seriously thought about cutting it all off, but I really don’t want to. I did it once as a teenager and I didn’t really care for it. I mean it looked okay I guess, bu-”

“Speaking of the shower scene,” he cut easily across her nervous chatter, “I got to see the finished edit today.”

“What? How?” she twisted around to look at him. He smiled, twisting a strand of hair around his finger.

“Had to redo my dialogue from that one too.”

“Seriously!? That boom might as well have been on our heads. No way it didn’t pick you up. Wait, do I need to go in too?”

“I don’t think so. Your face was so expressive they may have decided to take out whatever lines you did have.” He picked up the comb and started running it through the section of her hair that was now mostly tangle free.

She turned her face away from him before asking hesitantly, “Did it look okay?”

“It looked,” he thought of the involuntary clench he had experienced while watching it earlier, “amazing. As in, I’ve done full on sex scenes that weren’t that hot.”

Shay didn’t say anything, but as he pulled the hair back from the side of her face, he saw the pink flush working it’s way up her neck, and the trace of a secret smile on her cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be NSFW, so if you are against detailed intimate encounters, probably best to skip.
> 
> Also, getting kudos means so much to me I've actually teared up before, but I'm still waiting for my first comment. Who wants to bust that cherry? ;-)


	14. February 24, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hot and steamy can have more than one meaning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in time for Valentines Weekend, here's a little intimate action for ya.

Strains of music reached him in the darkness of sleep. He lay still, soaking in the sultry sounds, letting the anticipation build. Before he had decided to move he heard water running. Confused, he opened his bleary eyes and peered around the room. The smooth, undisturbed side of the bed reminded him of where, or rather when, he was. Rolling onto his stomach, he groaned into the pillow and went back to sleep. 

Turning the shower on to warm, Jensen hoped hot water would work some of the tension from his neck after sleeping on it wrong. He rolled his head around and dropped it forward. His gaze landed on the massive hard on he had woken with. No amount of hot water was going to soothe that away. Sighing, he stepped behind the curtain and found Shay standing under the spray. 

Her smile was shy, but she reached for his hands and placed them on her hips in a loose approximation of the pose they had used at the beginning of the shower scene for the show. She tilted her head back letting the water rinse over her scalp and waterfall from the tips of her hair. Was she going to slip? But no, there was no prop cast, no shower curtain costume. She stood firmly on two strong legs. Her hips flowed around her soft belly and up to skin stretched taut over arched ribs. Small breasts tilted upward offering up nipples of the palest pink, the edges barely discernible from her breasts. And just as when he had worked with her, he found his eyes tracing the line of her neck up to the line that ran under the edge of her jaw. 

As if still following the script he ran one hand down to her thigh, lifting it to prop her delicate foot on the edge of the tub. But he wasn’t working now, and he was free to skim that hand up the back of her leg until he met the lips of her sex. His breath came out harshly when he felt the slick already coating the heat at the core of her. Bending he took one nipple in his mouth, pleased by the way it pebbled in his mouth. 

Shay moaned, deepening her bend and pressing one hand to the shower wall. He clutched her to him, moving his mouth higher up her throat until he found the sensitive spot just behind the curve of her jaw. He scraped his teeth there, wanting to hear her moan again. Her gasp was nearly as satisfying. Gliding his fingers between her folds he found the angle she liked best and began a slow but increasing tempo. Winding one hand into the heavy mass of her wet hair, he cradled her head as she leaned into the sensation. Her hand slipped between their bodies and grasped the hot length of him loosely. She matched the rhythm of his own hand. He had the contrary desire to both speed up and somehow drag out this moment.

Panting, she raised her head and her heavy lidded eyes met his own. She must have seen a question on his face, because she nodded. Wrapping her arms around his shoulders, she leaned in until she was skimming her lips over her own. He tried to open to her, but she pushed against his shoulders with her upper arms, raising herself onto her toes, and with one roll of her hips she had lined up her opening perfectly at his tip. Looking into his eyes, she lowered herself even as she licked his lips open, ensuring that they penetrated each other simultaneously. Loosening her control she took from his mouth, giving back needy little sounds that he absorbed as he pushed up into her tight core. He felt a noise in his own throat as she took him all the way to the hilt. 

His control snapped and he found himself pushing her against the wall, both his hands on her ass, her legs wrapped up over his hips. Pulling back enough to make sure she was okay, he saw her smile through her lust filled gaze. She reached up, securing a hold on both the shower head and curtain rod.

“Yes,” the whisper hissed into the shell of his ear. He realized it was the first word either of them had spoken. He should probably say something, but his body was way ahead of him, setting a furious pace that wiped words from his brain. He raced toward heaven with every thrust and as his rhythm stuttered a sound was finally ripped from his mouth.

“Mmph!” The sound made his eyes snap open. Glancing around, breathing heavily, he turned and for the second time that morning groaned into his pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be the first time I've ever published any kind of smut AT ALL. Did it work? Did you know it was a dream the whole time? Or did the last line surprise anyone? Let me know!  
I don't intend to put any music lyrics into the story, but music will play a pretty important role in the next few chapters, so I will give the name and artists of any songs I include. For any music lovers I highly encourage you to give them a listen.  
For a sultry shower song let's assume it was Way Down We Go by Kaleo or Young and Beautiful by Lana Del Ray.


	15. February, 24 2017 pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shay meets a few new people from the Supernatural family.

Shay entered the hair and make-up trailer to find Samantha already sitting while Kelly styled her hair. Amber stood at the far end, sorting through palettes of color.

“G’morning, ladies.”

“Morning. You look …. refreshed.” Sam smiled knowingly.

“I am. Good night’s sleep, early yoga class, nice long shower, I’m a whole new person.” Shay sipped her coffee. “But wait. You’d never even seen me before yesterday. And you could tell I was feeling bad? Oh, my father would be so ashamed.”

“Your father?” Sam and Kelly spoke at the same time. They glanced at each other in the mirror and Kelly continued. “What do you mean about your father?”

“Well, he’s in the industry.” Shay motioned to Amber’s end of the trailer covered in prosthetics and pictures of the actors in different states of disarray. “What good is it being the daughter of a make-up artist if you can’t even cover a lousy headache, right?”

Amber looked up. "Your father's in the business? What's his - Martin. _Anders Martin_ is your father?"

"Yeah. Have you met him?"

“Once. I took a class, ages ago. He- you guys don't understand, some of the projects he’s worked on are the reason I got into the business. I mean the prosthetics and animatronics in Aliens alone… Wait, it’s you! You’re the little girl from Aliens!”

“Guilty." Shay gave her an amused grin. "Just proves the old saying is true. In Hollywood it's not what you know, it's who you know.”

*****

Shay didn’t notice when the double buzzer rang, but she did look up when she felt the couch dip beside her. Sam drank from her bottle of water before peeking at the book in Shay’s lap.

“Whatcha got?”

Shay flipped the book closed to show her the front cover, “Good author, strong storylines, primarily female characters, and I hear HBO is in talks for the production rights.”

“You lookin’ for your next gig?”

“Always.” She grinned at the other actress, “I’ve had fun with this part, but it’ll be done soon. And my next part needs to be something closer to home. I miss my boys.”

“I understand that, I’ve got one of my own.” Sam smiled, “Of course you know Supernatural thinks of itself as its own kind of family.”

“So I’ve heard. And it _is_ about the closest knit cast and crew I’ve ever worked with.”

“Oh, absolutely. Probably because so many of us have been here since the beginning. And just like any family we notice when someone new comes in and shakes things up.”

Shay looked at her surprised, “Shakes things up…. you mean me?”

“Yes you,” Sam reached over and gave her hand a squeeze, “A few weeks ago, I really thought we were going to lose Jensen. Didn’t think he’d even finish out the season. But then you showed up, and he started coming back to life. He’s talking again, Smiling,” Sam raised one eyebrow wickedly, “fetching tea.”

Shay chuckled at the woman’s arch look. “He’s a sweet guy. He knew I was coming down from a migraine.”

“Sweet on you?”

Shay chortled at the idea. “No, just sweet in general.” When Sam continued to look at her expectantly, Shay shook her head. “Honestly, it’s not like that.” She searched for a way to explain, her eyes going distant. “Grief is a strange thing. Everyone experiences it eventually, but until they do it’s impossible to make them understand it. Jensen and I, we understand each other.”

“Because you’ve lost someone.”

Shay nodded, bringing her eyes back to focus on Sam’s. “My husband died a couple of years ago. Car crash.”

“I am so sorry. I never should have…..I didn’t know.”

Shay looped her arm through Sam’s, “There’s no reason you should have. And besides, you were looking out for one of your own. I would expect nothing less from Mama Winchester.”

*****

“Okay my babies, I love you. I’ll see you again tomorrow.”

“Night Mommy!”

“Night-Night”

Standing in the kitchen, Shay hit the button to end the video call. She blinked a few times against the dampness in her eyes. Grabbing her glass of water, she rounded the corner to rejoin Jensen and his friend Jason in the living room. She was halfway to the couch when she realized both men were openly staring at her.  
Coming up short, she stared back. “What?”

“We heard you sing.” Jensen’s voice sounded strangely flat.

“You’re good.” Jason’s face was lit up in a way that made her think of mischievous children before Christmas.

“Aw, thanks. Remember folks, I’m here all week. Don’t forget to tip your waiters.”

Jason cracked up, but Jensen continued to stare as she sat back down. She looked back bemused.

“You’ve heard me sing before.”

“That wimpy under-your-breath thing you do when the radio is on in the car, yeah. But I’ve never heard you _really_ sing.”

The way he was looking at her, plus the things he was saying made her pulse pick up.

“Don’t mind him. He gets like that when he’s drunk,” Jason quipped.

Of course. They had been hanging out for over two hours, and the bottle of Sazerac that Jensen had opened when Jason had arrived was nearly half gone. Shay knew her glass had been refilled once, and the guys probably more.

“So do you play too? Have you been sitting here this whole time itching for your turn?” Jason was full of questions.

“I’ve been trying to learn, but it’s slow going.”

“Yeah? What have you been practicing?”

“Um, Leaving On A Jet Plane? You know, the three chord version.” She added self-deprecating.

He played the first couple of bars quickly, easily. Then he held the guitar out to her.

“Let’s hear it.”

“Oh, no, I’m not ready to play for people. I’m still really clumsy with it.”

“Oh, come on! We’re not people, we’re just us.”

Shay giggled at that. Taking the guitar gingerly, she strummed the chords a few times, then played the first couple of notes. Taking a deep breath, she decided to go for it. Starting again, she began playing and singing along with it. She was much slower than any published version, and she tripped up changing chords several times, but fortunately it was a song she knew well and was able to adjust the vocals in spite of her mistakes. When she finished and looked up, Jason was beaming back at her.

“Encore, encore!”

“Ha! Nope, sorry, that is literally the only thing I can sing and play at the same time right now. Give me a couple months and maybe I’ll have a new one.” She handed the guitar back to him. He began strumming the opening for a song she was familiar with, but couldn’t name.

“I can’t believe you can sing.” Jensen’s voice startled her. With his eyes closed and his head thrown back against the couch, she had half thought that he was asleep.

“Oh wow, you _are_ drunk aren’t you?”

“No.” He opened his eyes and rolled his head toward her, “I mean yes, but does that really matter?”

She chuckled at him, “I think it might.”

He leaned forward, making a pouty face and gave his head a small shake. “Nuh-uh. I know what I heard.” He began to list sideways.

“Do you need to lay down?”

“Yes. I think - yes.”

He let himself topple back into the corner of the couch. He smirked at her and then threw his legs across her lap, pinning her in place.

“Oh, nuh-uh, you are not putting your big ass stinky feet on me!” It wasn’t quite a squeal, but close enough. Laughing he scooted further down until his head was propped on the arm of the couch and his knees were angled over her legs. She was still in that position several minutes later when her phone rang. She had to shift to get her phone from her back pocket, and took the opportunity to shove Jensen’s legs off of her own.

“Hello?”

“Shay? Hi, it’s Jared.”

“Hey, how you doing?”

“Good. So, some of the stunt guys decided that since we’re gonna be out at the lake for two full days and it’s so far from town that they were going to rent this cabin to stay in. Thing is this place is huge, it sleeps like 20, and they’re looking to split the bill. They knew I’d be up for it and asked me if I’d reach out to some of the others that need to be there both days as well. I can send you a link so you can see the place. It’s really nice. Fireplace, game room, jacuzzi and I can guarantee you’ll have your own bed. Might be a bunk bed, but still. It should be a good time. You interested?

“Yeah, that sounds like fun. I’m in.”

“Great. I was really hoping you’d say yes. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

“Kay. Bye Jared.”

She sat, smiling down at the phone.

“What was that?”

“Jared, he invited me to -” she cut off when his phone began buzzing loudly on the table. He picked it up and raised one incredulous eyebrow.

“Jared, what’s up?” He listened, probably to the same pitch she had just heard. “I don’t know man, that sounds like a lot of people.” Shay could hear Jared talking fast, and thought she heard her own name. “Hmm. I guess I can try. If it gets to be too much I might just crash early, okay? Yeah. Fine, put me down. Yeah. Bye.”

Putting the phone back on the table, Jensen flopped back down on the couch, this time curling into the space available and pillowing his head on her thigh. Shay ran her hand over his head and grinned when he stretched and leaned into her touch like a cat.

“So drunk,” she laughed, raking her nails over his scalp and letting her head fall back to the couch.

“Which one of you?” Jason joked.

“Probably both,” Shay started to pick up her head only to let it drop again, “oh, definitely me.”

Jensen snorted and looked at the clock. “Well guys, this has been fun, but we’re gonna need to wrap it up.”

“Aw come on! It’s barely nine o’clock!” Jason protested.

“Yeah, and some of us have to be up in six hours ready to work a whole day.”

“Sucks to be you.” Jason’s voice was dripping with sarcasm.

“On occasion.”

“Maybe Shay will give us a lullaby before we go.”

“Just one?”

“How many do you know?” Jason asked.

“‘Bout half a dozen. But I pretty much do the same two every night. The boys each have a favorite.”

“Well, let’s hear ‘em.”

Since they had apparently already heard Baby Mine and Godspeed while she was on the phone, she decided to dust off the one titled simply Lullaby. Pulling up the guitar tabs on her phone, she handed it over to Jason. Sitting there, singing of an unending love, she felt the poignancy as deeply as she ever had when singing it to her own children.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leaving on a Jet Plane was originally by John Denver, but I was introduced to the song when Chantal Kreviazuk did a cover cover for the 1998 movie Armageddon  
I'm ... I'm ...  
All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go  
I'm standin' here outside your door  
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye  
But the dawn is breakin', it's early morn  
The taxi's waitin', he's blowin' his horn  
Already I'm so lonesome I could die  
So kiss me and smile for me  
Tell me that you'll wait for me  
Hold me like you'll never let me go  
'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane  
I don't know when I'll be back again  
Oh, babe, I hate to go  
I'm ...  
There's so many times I've let you down  
So many times I've played around  
I'll tell you now, they don't mean a thing  
Every place I go, I think of you  
Every song I sing, I sing for you  
When I come back I'll wear your wedding ring  
So kiss me and smile for me  
Tell me that you'll wait for me  
Hold me like you'll never let me go  
'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane  
I don't know when I'll be back again  
Oh, babe, I hate to go  
Now the time has come to leave you  
One more time, oh, let me kiss you  
And close your eyes and I'll be on my way  
Dream about the days to come  
When I won't have to leave alone  
About the times that I won't have to say ...  
Oh, kiss me and smile for me  
Tell me that you'll wait for me  
Hold me like you'll never let me go  
'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane  
I don't know when I'll be back again  
Oh, babe, I hate to go  
And I'm leaving on a jet plane  
I don't know when I'll be back again  
Oh, babe, I hate to go  
But I'm leaving on a jet plane  
(Ah ah ah ah)  
Leaving on a jet plane  
(Ah ah ah ah)  
Leaving on a jet plane  
(Ah ah ah ah)  
Leaving on a jet plane
> 
> This is a personal favorite and super easy to sing. Hope you enjoy.
> 
> Lullaby by The Dixie Chicks  
They didn't have you where I come from  
Never knew the best was yet to come  
Life began when I saw your face  
And I hear your laugh like a serenade  
How long do you wanna be loved  
Is forever enough, is forever enough  
How long do you wanna be loved  
Is forever enough  
'Cause I'm never, never giving you up  
I slip in bed when you're asleep  
To hold you close and feel your breath on me  
Tomorrow there'll be so much to do  
So tonight I'll drift in a dream with you  
How long do you wanna be loved  
Is forever enough, is forever enough  
How long do you wanna be loved  
Is forever enough  
'Cause I'm never, never giving you up  
As you wander through this troubled world  
In search of all things beautiful  
You can close your eyes when you're miles away  
And hear my voice like a serenade  
How long do you wanna be loved  
Is forever enough, is forever enough  
How long do you wanna be loved  
Is forever enough  
'Cause I'm never, never giving you up  
Is forever enough  
'Cause I'm never, never giving you up


	16. February 25, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cast goes out to the lake to shoot and stay overnight in the cabin.

Jensen could list a hundred things he loved about his job. But getting to an on location set outside of Vancouver three hours before dawn was not one of them. Shay, he had learned, was someone who tried to be philosophical about things that sucked ass like waking up at three in the morning. She had pointed out that if it had been summer sunrise would have been two or three hours earlier, and that at least with Clif driving them they’d be able to snooze on the ride out. He appreciated the effort, but three was just too damn early for philosophy.

Now though, as they were about to get started, he could admit that the river, the treeline all lit by the light of the just-rising sun was pretty fantastic. He pulled out his phone to snap a picture.

“Wanna do a selfie?” Jared pulled his own phone out, taking a quick picture. “This is totally going on Instagram.”

“You know I’m not doing social media right now.” Much to his manager’s dismay, thought Jensen.

“Doesn’t mean you can’t be on mine, man. Hey Shay! Come get in a picture with us!”

Shay came and tucked herself under their arms. He was surprised by how tall she seemed. Craning his head around he smiled when he realized she was taking advantage of a fortunately placed rock. She leaned into him a moment before he heard Jared’s shutter again. He looked up to protest but Jared caught his eye before he started. With a look, Jared indicated he wanted to do the double cheek kiss they did on fans sometimes.

“Oh shit, I missed it.” Jared groaned. “One more, one more, I’ll get the background and everything.” He took the shot again.

“Enough. We’ve got work to do. And only that first one online Jare, I mean it.”

*****

The morning burned away while they were working. The goodbye scene was physically easy, but emotionally demanding. There had never been a romantic triangle on the show, and he and Jared had been hesitant when the idea was presented. It was only after the writers and producers promised that it would be a triangle of interest and not action they had capitulated. Shay had to carry the brunt of it, engaging with their characters on very different levels. Jared pretty much got to do standard Sam stuff. Intellect and trust and puppy-dog eyes. To be fair, Dean showing his concern through anger and denying himself what he wanted for the greater good wasn’t really new territory.

But there was something about this scene, or the connection between these two characters that was throwing him. He started with Dean’s gruff tone, but found that with each take he sounded more emotional. Shay fed off the energy he put out, responding with anger and then resignation, and finally a gnawing vulnerability. He didn’t know which take the editors would choose, but he knew that choice would ultimately color the entirety of the on screen relationship. When the director of photography called for the turnaround, Jared approached.

“Hey, that went deeper than expected. You okay?”

“Yeah.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “It’s like it just keeps getting away from me, you know?”

“It makes sense. You’ve always identified with Lexi, I mean for obvious reasons. And the energy between you and Shay - something about her lets you open up.”

Jensen snorted, “You sound like my therapist.”

“He sounds like a very smart guy,” Jared smirked.

“And you sound like a very smart ass.” He shoved Jared in the chest, knowing he’d retaliate. They were halfway to a wrestling match when they got called back to places. Shay was the last to arrive, having been under a tent getting notes from the director while Amber fixed her makeup.

“I tried to pin him down to which take he liked best, but he was so impressed by you running the gambit that he wants the same for the opposite coverage. So thanks for that.” She pretended to throw a punch that forced him to lift his chin. “You don’t need to dial all the way in, you know. I got it from here.”

And there it was. The something that Jared had clued into. Shay got it. She saw him. She had seen him getting torn up, but she hadn’t rushed in with platitudes or penetrating questions. She had seen that his horseplay with Jared had gotten him back on an even keel, and used it to get him to hold his head high again. She had tried to make things easier, and when she couldn’t she rolled with the punches. More than anything she let him know she was right there with him, and that he could lean in if he wanted.

*****

It was the last scene of the day. They had been waiting for dusk, the so-called magic hour when the natural light was perfect for filming. Everyone was as prepared as possible, wanting to get this scene on film as quickly as possible. Filming this far north at this time of year, the magic hour was lucky to last 30 or 40 minutes.

She and Jared were wearing full length wetsuits, including booties to keep them safe in the frigid water. They had been made up to look pale, as if they had already been in for too long. When they were told it was time to get into place Jared and Shay edged their way into the flat dark water of the river. Shay pushed herself into the water as fast as possible, wanting to get it over with. She wasn’t proud of the squeals that erupted against her will, but at least she was making progress. Turning she saw Jared was at least three feet behind her, still only calf deep in the water, and cursing continuously.

“Goddamn it Padalecki, get your ass in here! It’s not like you’re going to adjust. And once I get the shakes I’m not gonna be able to haul you anywhere!” She lunged for Jared, trying to drag him deeper into the water. Unfortunately, due to his size she just hung there, clinging to his jacket. A brisk breeze rattled the bare branches of the trees and she swore loudly.

“Holy shit, it’s worse getting out than getting in.” She turned pleading eyes up to Jared. “Can we please just get this done?”

The director called for them to get into places. They forced themselves deeper. Despite being no more than six feet from the shore, they both had to submerge themselves fully to look as though they were continuing from the rescue scene that would be filmed the next day. Shay took her position behind Jared, crossing her left arm across his broad chest and hooking her hand under his arm.

“Okay Jared, lift your chin over my arm, yup, good, and a little to your right. There. Do you feel any pressure on your windpipe?”

“No, we’re good.” He gave a thumbs up to the camera crew on the dock and on shore.

Twenty minutes later they got the call that they were wrapped for the day. They had only done two takes of each of the shots, everyone feeling the need to perform as well and as quickly as possible. Despite that, Shay was grateful to get out of the wet clothes and into a warm shower. She couldn’t imagine that she had to get back in tomorrow, and for a much longer time. A knock came from the bathroom door.

“Shay? It’s Amber. When you’re done here, come on back to our trailer, we girls are all getting ready together.”

Excited to be included, Shay hurried out of the shower and into her clothes. In the trailer she found Amber, Megan, and two runners Tish and another whose name Shay was pretty sure started with an A.

“So no Kelly tonight?” Shay asked.

“Oh no, she left as soon as we were wrapped for the day. Not sure why. She’ll never get home before her kids are asleep.” Megan replied.

“She said she wanted to be there to get them off to school in the morning.” Amber smiled, “Of course, then she told me to go have fun with the other young people, like I was in high school and she was some doddering old woman.”

“Well, come on, let’s be honest, she’s gotta be like 40.”

“Aimee,” Tish hissed glancing pointedly at Shay.

Rather than be ashamed Shay laughed. “Relax, I’m fully aware that I have at least a decade on everyone else in this room.” Although she had never really felt it on the set until now.

“No way. If you’re forty, I want your skincare secrets.” Amber said.

“Let’s say I’m closer to 40 than 30. Besides, makeup artist’s daughter, remember?” Shay winked. “Speaking of which, can I use your station? I’m feeling a little bare right now.” She gestured to her face.

She put on her makeup mechanically, wondering why it felt like such a chore. It had been a long day for her, starting well before sunrise. But mostly she figured it was the result of hearing the younger women talk. Nothing reminds you you’re not 20 anymore than hanging out with people actually in their twenties, she thought.

Tish talked to Aimee in the mirror, “Mmm, Adam’s been flirting hard this week, and it is so not fair. That accent he has makes me weak in the knees.”

“I don’t care what the guy sounds like, so long as he knows how to use his tongue for other things,” Aimee cackled.

“And of course some of us prefer a good old Texas drawl, isn’t that right?” Amber teased Megan as she put loose waves into the other woman’s hair.

Megan blushed furiously. “I should have never told you that.”

“Oh hon, I’m right there with you. You ever hear them when they’ve been drinking, or just really tired? That twang slips out, and it’ll hit you like a shot of straight whiskey. Make a girl all tingly inside.”

“So which one you after, Jensen or Jared?” Aimee asked Megan.

“What? No, I’m not- Jared’s married! And Jensen’s off limits, everybody knows that,” Megan rushed. “Daneel only died a few months ago.”

“A couple of months can be a long time. A man’s got needs.” Aimee pointed a sultry look at Megan, “and I’ll tell you what else, he’s gonna need a rebound soon. If you’re not up for it, somebody else will be.”

Megan was struggling out of the chair, her face mottled with anger. Shay touched her wrist lightly.

“Hey. You were right you know. A couple of months really isn’t that long.” But she could see the words didn’t really penetrate the fog of emotions swirling around the younger woman.

Amber looked on a little sadly. “She’s always had a little crush on him,” she murmured, “I shouldn’t have teased her.” Shaking off the mood, she turned to Shay. “So, you have somebody special back home?”

“No, not really. My best friend, she’s always setting me up on these blind dates. Some of them are horrible, and some of them are great, but nothing’s really clicked, you know?”

“Well, when I was touching up makeup today, I heard one of the new stunt guys say he wished the hot chick with the sniper rifle was in the dock fight ‘cause he’d be up for a little hand to hand.” Amber grinned at Shay, “So if you want to score tonight, pretty sure you’re in.”

Shay felt her face warm. “I’ll, ah, take that under consideration.”

At that point Shay decided since it didn’t look like they were leaving in the next few minutes she might as well blow out her hair. The noise from the blow dryer blocked out the conversation, and she was able to wear her hair down, sleeker and shinier than usual.

*****

The cabin was beautiful. Clear varnished pine on the floors and ceilings, large windows, typical rustic type decor. Jensen sat on the hearth, building a starter for the fireplace. He heard the door open and a wave of female laughter rolled into the room. Adam strode to the top of the stairs from the garage to greet them.

“Ah finally, welcome ladies! I was afraid I was going to have to spend the evening looking at these ugly mugs,” he joked, gesturing to the other men in the room.  
Jensen turned in time to see the women hit the top of the stairs and begin removing their coats. It was a flurry of slink and sparkle, bare limbs, and high heels.

“He doesn’t waste any time does he?” Jared chuckled.

“Maybe he’s already done the math,” Mike responded in the same joking tone, “Figured he better strike early.”

“Four girls? That’s it? I thought someone said the actress was coming.” One of the new guys spoke up.

Jensen realized he was right. Four women had entered, but Shay had not been among them. Ensuring the flue was open, he struck a match and lit the kindling he had prepared. Once he was satisfied it was burning well, he went to replace his now empty beer. He hesitated at the doorway seeing the women still clustered there, making some mixed drink.

“Should we make one for Shay?” Tish asked.

“Hell yeah, and put a little extra kick in it.” Aimee was clearly the leader of this little pack.

“Why the extra kick?” Tish asked as she tipped the liquor bottle up again.

“Because, she’s gonna need some lubrication before she’s gonna go, what was it again? Hands on with the stuntman?” Aimee snickered. “Which one is he anyway? I don’t wanna waste my time flirting with him.”

Amber laughed. “Brent’s the one with russet hair. I think he’s in the game room playing pool. But guys, we can’t get her tanked, that’s not fair.”

“Whew, I don’t know. If there was ever a woman that needed her cork popped, it’s that one.” Aimee made a loud popping noise with her over glossed lips.

“Ooh, I know, let’s start a drinking game!” Trish interjected, “We can do King’s Cup. All you need for that is a deck of cards. I bet they have one in that game room.”

They all rushed out, leaving the drink with Shay’s name on it on the counter. Jensen replayed their conversation in his mind before pouring it down the sink, and crushing the solo cup in his hand. Grabbing another beer from the fridge he sat at one of the barstools at the high counter in the kitchen. From this vantage point, he could look into the open living room, or to the left and see part of the game room. What he didn’t see was Shay.

“Hey, wha-”

He jumped a mile at the voice, and his full beer sloshed all over his hand and the counter.

“I’m sorry!” Shay tried to muffle her laughter. She grabbed a dish towel from the sink and began mopping up the spill. “I didn’t mean to startle you.” She refolded the towel, and wiped the bottle, including his hand when he didn’t remove it. “You okay?”

“I-, yeah. Where the hell were you? There was a whole parade of girls, and you weren’t there.”

She frowned at him, no doubt for his gruff tone. “Eight o’clock. Bedtime phone call.” She waved the hand holding her cell phone. “Besides, I don’t think I would have fit very well into that parade.”

“What do you mean?”

“Come on, they came dressed to impress, and here I am, pretty much in the same pajamas as always.”

His eyes traveled the length of her from the ground up, he realized she was telling the truth. The black pants hugging the curves of her lower body were indeed the same leggings she had been wearing the night before. The silky rose colored top spilling from under her sweater was familiar too. He recognized it as one she had been wearing after first waking up one morning. It seemed the only concession she had made to being out was to add little ankle boots and swap her regular zip front hoodie for a cropped cream-color sweater that appeared to be in danger of slipping off one shoulder. She wasn’t even wearing any jewelry, although he did notice something gold along her cheeks and collarbone. His fingers itched to trace it.

“You’re, um, glittery.”

She breathed a laugh, her cheeks pinking under the gold. “Amber. They kept trying to dress me up, so eventually I let her add some shimmer. She even put it on my back. That’s weird right?” She turned, sweeping the smooth curtain of hair over her shoulder.

His breath caught. Her regular hoodie had hidden not only that the rose top was held up by one tiny strap over each shoulder, but that the back met in a deep v exposing her spine nearly to her waist. The sweater was backless too, the fabric performing a strange twist, but lower, over the curve of her ass. And yes, there were two lines of gold, running along the edge of her shoulder blades, designed to draw the eye whenever she used her arm, showing the movement and form of her back.  
He ghosted his fingers over her spine, and she shivered, despite the fact that he had not actually touched her. He swallowed thickly, his mouth suddenly dry.

“You’re not wearing a bra.”

She grinned over her shoulder before turning back around. “I hate those things. Of course it’s a lot harder to get away with in the winter,” she tugged the shoulders of the sweater up more securely. “So is there anything to eat around here?”

“Lots of snacks we brought over from craft services. Lots of drinks. And pizza. Not yet, but in a little bit.” Jensen blinked at himself. When did he start sounding like a robot?  
Shay must not have noticed, because she was busy grabbing a large handful of carrot sticks. She stuck her head in the fridge for a second and came out with a bottle of San Pellegrino.

“I think I’ll stick to water tonight.” She popped the top and clinked her bottle to his. “Cheers. I’m gonna go check this place out.”  
Since the majority of the group had gathered in the game room, Jensen figured it was a good place to be. There was a pool table, a dart board, foosball, and board games of all kinds framed and mounted on the walls. Shay came in a few minutes later, going immediately to the pool table. Eventually she drifted away again, chatting as she made her way through the room.

“Quite a place isn’t it?” he asked her when she approached.

“It really is. There’s a lot of quality woodwork in here . I’m guessing whoever owns the place is a professional or a pretty hard core enthusiast.”

He watched her as she took in the room. She was studying the game boards on the wall intently. “You like the decor?”

“I do,” she said touching the chinese checkers board, “but I think it’s more than that.” Lifting gently, the board and the framing came away from the wall.

“See? It’s kind of like a shadow box. The top slides open,” she demonstrated, “and all the pieces are inside. It’s decor and storage all at the same time. It’s brilliant.” She looked immensely pleased that she had figured it out.

“Hey Jensen!” Jared called from the other end of the room. “Come play darts!”

“No, no no,” someone called. “Those two don’t get to be on the same team. You have to divide them up.”

Good-naturedly, Jared accepted the edict and they each selected other partners. Jensen’s team scraped by Jared’s and welcomed the next challengers. Halfway through his second game of darts, the pool game ended and new teams formed. He heard the break, half noticed players moving around, but it wasn’t until he was leaning on the wall between turns that he realized Shay was playing.

“Do we have sides yet?” she called out, studying the table, a cue held loosely in her hand.

“Here sugar, want me to show you how to do it?” A large man with reddish hair slid up behind her as he spoke, placing one hand on her hip and the other over hers on the cue. Red. Russet. This was the guy Shay wanted to hook up with tonight?

“You wanna take the stick…” He trailed when Shay didn’t move. She didn’t allow him to take the cue, and she didn’t make room for him to lean over as if he were going to show her how to shoot. After a moment the guy stepped back. Shay turned and spoke to him. Her voice carried over the music, but not by much. Jensen guessed that the people in the other parts of the room couldn’t hear her.

“Hey,” her tone sounded conversational, “I’ve got this.”

“You do.” The guy sounded dubious.

“Yeah.” Without further explanation, Shay returned her gaze to the pool table. Selecting a shot she readied herself. A quick glance over her shoulder showed her the guy was still standing only a step away.

Swinging her cue up into position put the butt end of it only inches from the man's thighs. “You really might want to move,” she warned him with a small grin. Once he was out of her way, she lined up a straightforward shot and sank the two ball easily. Jensen relaxed back against the wall, not having realized he had pulled away from it. He watched Shay select another, more difficult bank shot and made that one as well. Her third shot went wide. She gathered her drink and went to stand next to Mike.

Jared stepped into his line of sight. “You’re up,” Jared told him. He took his turn and returned to his spot on the wall where Jared appeared to be waiting for him.

“What do you know about the new guy?” Jared asked in a low tone.

Jensen watched as Shay stepped up to take another turn at the table. He raised his beer as if he were about to take a sip before answering. “Works in stunts. Name’s Brett or

Brent. Overheard one of the girls saying something about Shay being ‘hands on’ with him tonight.”

“Really? ‘Cause that was about the most ‘hands off’ display I’ve ever seen.”

“Just telling you what I heard.”

“Hmm. After the day we put in, and the one coming tomorrow, we _so_ don’t need any drama tonight.” He sighed, “speaking of which, you don’t stop staring soon, people are gonna talk.”

“What?”

“You’re staring Jay. Have been for a while now.”

He dragged his eyes over to the dart board, took a sip of beer. “Amber painted her up with some damn gold stuff. Keeps catchin’ my eye.”

“Mmm-hmm. Sure.” Jensen didn’t need to look at his best friend to know he was smirking at him.

“Look, pizza’s here.”

*****

After massive amounts of pizza had been scarfed down, the cabin’s occupants split into groups. The largest group claimed the living room to play some sort of drinking game. Others brought Monopoly from the game room and settled down to play around the large kitchen island. Shay meandered until the sound of guitar drew her back to the game room. There was a couple playing darts at one end of the long room, and at the other Jensen sat alone on a loveseat. Glancing up, he saw her and waved her over.

“Hey, I was thinking, another really easy song I bet you could play is Chasing Cars. “

“Chasing Cars, oh I remember, chas-ing cars a-round our heads,” she intoned “Yeah that was a pretty simple one wasn’t it?”

“Yup. Same three chords you were playing last night. And if I’m not mistaken, right in your vocal range too.”

“Are you buttering me up to sing?”

“Is it working?”

“In this house full of people? Hell no.”

“Forget them. Just you and me. Right here, right now. It doesn’t have to be loud.”

She felt her heart pounding inside her chest. “I- yeah. Yeah, okay, except I don’t think I remember all the words.”

“Ah, I’ll share a nifty little trick Jason showed me. So when you’re trying to learn to sing and play a song at the same time, you start by getting one of those karaoke videos on YouTube and then just mute the sound and use it for words and timing. Here, I’ll show you.”

He found what he wanted, and then propped his phone up on the coffee table in front of him.

“I’ll lead off, you just jump in, okay?”

At her assent he began to play the intro, and sang the first line on his own. He nodded, encouraging her to join in. They continued that way, him leading and her following until one verse he shook his head no and continued to sing the words ‘I need your grace to remind me to find my own’. Shay had to swallow back the burning in her throat before she could join in the chorus. She knew her voice didn’t sound it’s best, but she took comfort in the fact that she managed to finish without any noticeable fumbling.

Shay jumped at the sound of applause coming from the doorway. They had an audience. A small one, no more than four people, but what had been a private moment was now public. And possibly very public considering two of the four had phones pointed in their direction. Smiling in an embarrassed way, she ran her hand through her hair, using the motion to hide her face. She forced herself to stay seated for a few minutes as people came to compliment them, or ask Jensen for another song. As soon as she felt like the focus had shifted away from her, she stood and moved through the game and living rooms and out onto the balcony.

The cold stole her breath, but she welcomed it, using it as an excuse for her shuddering breaths and the moisture pricking her eyes. She let her head drop back, and studied the stars. The stars were so much bigger and brighter than she was used to seeing them. There were no city lights out here competing for attention. That was how she felt about Jensen. Their friendship had exploded into being like a new star being born. And although it was only weeks old, already she couldn’t imagine her own personal solar system without it. But being here, removed from her normal life, playing a romantic interest during the day, and hanging out with him at his apartment at night, was too much. Being near him was becoming too bright, too powerful. It was pulling her in a direction she had never intended to take.

Shay rubbed her hands over her face. It was a song. A stupid, incredibly fucking simple song that he thought she could learn to play. It didn’t matter that the lyrics were horribly romantic. It wasn’t a declaration of feelings. She had to find a way to stop this. If he realized she was no longer the safe harbor she had offered when they met, he would withdraw.

She heard the sliding door behind her. Shit. She needed a few more minutes. Taking a deep breath of the winter night, she willed the burning ache in her chest to cool. If it was Jay coming to check on her, she feared she would wind up reaching for him or running away in tears. Very possibly both.

“Hey. What are you doing out here?” the unfamiliar voice surprised her. She turned and saw one of the stunt guys.

“Hi. Brent right?”

“Yeah. And you’re Shay. The girl who can sharpshoot pool and rifles.”

A grim smile spread across her face. “Well, to be fair, I don’t actually have to hit anything with the rifle.”

He chuckled. “That doesn’t take anything away from your pool game. About that,” his hand came down on the bare section of her back. “Oh hey, you’re cold, how long have you been out here?”

“Uh, I don’t know. Little while I guess.”

“Here take my jacket.” he shrugged out of it.

“No, I couldn’t,” although she was already appreciating the warmth.

“Of course you can.“You can take it as my apology for the pool thing earlier. I, um…”

“Didn’t think girls could play pool?”

“No! I just, your friend said you were interested, and I - well I thought that would break the ice.” His face was stained red, a problem she understood all too well. The curse of the fair her mother called it.

“What friend?”

“Um, Aimee? The one who seems to be running things in there?” He jerked his thumb toward the cabin.

She bit her lower lip, “I see. Unfortunately, Aimee doesn’t really run…. me.” She looked up to see if he understood her.

“Oh. So …. not interested.”

“Not um,” she paused, frustrated. He seemed like a nice guy. She should be interested. “Not uninterested so much as not very available. Especially since I’m about to go back to Cali.”

“Near L.A.?”

“Pretty close.”

“I’m down there a lot for work.” He tugged the edges of his jacket together, bringing her closer in the process. “Maybe you could be available enough for dinner sometime. I could call you next time I’m coming to town.”

“Yeah, maybe,” she gave him a smile she knew looked a little sad. “Maybe you want to ask around about me before you make that call. I come with a lot of strings, and some of them are a little tangled.” She slipped his jacket off, handed it to him. “Thanks for the jacket. I think I better get back inside.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol  
We’ll do it all , everything on our own.  
We don’t need, anything, or anyone.  
If I lay here, If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?  
I don’t quite know, how to say, how I feel  
Those three words. Are said too much. They’re not enough  
If I lay here, If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?  
Forget what we’re told, Before we get too old  
Show me a garden that’s bursting into life  
Let’s waste time. Chasing cars. Around our heads.  
I need your grace, to re-mind me, to find my own  
If I lay here, If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?  
Forget what we’re told, Before we get too old  
Show me a garden that’s bursting into life  
All that I am. All that I ever was.  
Is here in your perfect eyes, they’re all I can see  
I don’t know where, confused about how as well  
Just know that these things will never change for us at all  
If I lay here, If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?


	17. February 26, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cast films an important scene, but not everything goes to plan.

“And cut! Okay people that’s a wrap on the swim in. Everybody take five, and we’re gonna do the resurfacing shot, and that’ll be the last shot of the day.” Jensen heard both groans and cheers at the announcement. The groans were mostly from the other men on the dock, who had been working through the same stunt choreography for hours. The cheers were from pretty much everyone else, all of whom were ready to get out of the damp cold and go home.

Shuddering at the wet drizzle working its way down his collar, Jensen glanced out at the water. If he was chilled, he couldn’t imagine how they must feel. The four divers that had been in the water continuously for the last eight hours seemed perfectly comfortable in the cold water. Jared and Shay were less so, but they were also less protected. Their costumes didn’t allow for hoods or gloves and Jensen knew even the wetsuits they wore had been cut down at the neck so they were completely hidden under their clothes.  
Jensen crouched on the dock, and slipped his phone from his pocket. He felt an unexpected knot in his gut as he photographed Shay curled into Jared, his oversized frame wrapped around her. He wanted to capture the stark contrast of the action scene to this quiet moment between takes. In the first Shay was strong and fierce, dragging Jared through the water, the second she looked small and fragile as he kept her afloat and tried to warm her with his own body heat.

Frowning at the image, he went in search of Tony. He found the stunt coordinator nearby and showed him the image on his screen.

“Jensen, those are beautiful shots.”

“Thanks, but that’s not-”

The buzzer rang to mark quiet on the set. Jensen turned and saw Jared, Shay, and two of the divers slip beneath the surface of the water. He waited, the knot he had felt moments before growing larger as the seconds ticked by. A rolling, writhing form burst into the air. He was halfway to the dock when he heard a choking noise. Looking over, he saw Shay coughing badly, but managing to keep herself a float. The head diver emerged and offered an arm to her as she worked to expel the last of the water.  
Jensen continued moving toward the end of the dock. The rest of the dive team and Jared were emerging from underwater. Hearing footsteps on the dock, Jensen saw Tony and Paul cutting through the many people who had crowded around and on the dock.

“Does she need to come out?” Tony called to the head diver.

“Possibly,” the man called back. He turned to Shay, “What happened down there?”

“I, I’m not sure.” Her voice sounded weak.

“It might be time to call it for you. Your color doesn’t look good,” he told her.

“I -” she looked so defeated, Jensen thought that she would just nod. But she twisted around, and found Paul. “Did you call a wrap on me? Or…” her brow furrowed in confusion.

“No hon, we haven’t called a wrap on anything, but safety comes first.” Paul told her.

Shay accepted his answer, but her eyes still looked strangely clouded. One of the divers had brought over a thermometer. Shay complied when he told her to open up. When the thermometer beeped the man took it back and read it with some alarm.

“Boss, she’s at 95.3.”

“That’s it, she’s done for the day.” The head diver announced. “I want her out of the water _now_.”

The entire dive team began towing Shay and Jared toward the shore. Jensen outpaced both Paul and Tony to meet them. Yards out they paused as the head diver pulled off his scuba tank, and other equipment to hand to another diver to take to the boat. Jensen stood, the water lapping at the soles of his shoes, nearly vibrating with the need to do something, help in some way. They resumed their slow ascent. The higher Shay got out of the water, the harder it seemed to be for her. When the water was down to mid thigh she stumbled, and Jensen darted forward to catch her. The shocking cold of the water stabbed at his feet and calves like thousands of tiny needles. Looking at Shay’s half conscious face, he made a decision. He scooped Shay up, gasping as the water flowing off her body soaked his torso.

“Fuck, we should have gotten you out ages ago.”

Ignoring the buzz of voices all around him, he carried her to the heated tent. He sat in the first chair he came to, tucking Shay against his body. She was far too still. Even with his arms around her, he could hardly tell she was breathing.

“Son, you can’t just go moving a hypothermic person that way. Picking her up, moving her could cause an arrhythmia or even cardiac arrest.” The lead diver stomped through curious onlookers at the tent’s opening. “I hope you’re comfortable like that, because now you’re gonna have to stay there while we see what we can do for her.” Kneeling, he pulled his gloves off with his teeth, and took Shay’s pulse. “Slow, but steady. I don’t like how out of it she looks,” he tapped her cheek with his fingers, “come on kiddo, stay awake for us.”

“Excuse me, medical. Yes if you could just, oh stand aside!” Jensen recognized Barbara’s strident voice before he saw the petite woman with her large medical tote break through the crowd. “Excuse me sir, I need to see the patient,” she told the head diver in her no nonsense voice. “Is wardrobe here?” She peered around the tent, eyes landing on Paul. Understanding her frustration he clapped and raised his voice so everyone could hear.

“Okay folks, unless you have just come out of the water, or are directly helping someone who did, I need you to clear this tent. I want a couple PAs standing by the door to run and get things as we need them.” The crowd slowly began to filter out, letting out a great deal of heat as they did so. Jensen heard Paul’s voice again, “Oh Megan, Barbara was asking for someone from wardrobe.” Megan shuffled forward.

“Yes. I need to remove these wet things without moving her any more than necessary. I need very sharp scissors, and something like a robe or long coat to put on her after. Get someone to help you with dry clothes and blankets for the others as well.” Megan nodded, and pulled a pair of shears from the apron she wore at her waist.

“I can do that,” the diver said, taking the scissors, “it won’t be the first time I’ve had to cut someone out of a wetsuit.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know your name.”

“It’s Terry. I’m the head diver. This never should have happened. I knew she was looking draggy, but by all safety guidelines she should have been okay for at least another hour.” He shook his head.

“Barbara,” the medic introduced herself, “It can be hard to get these knuckleheads to behave responsibly sometimes. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve patched up some actor that thought they should do everything rather than leaving it to the stunt guys.” She shot Jensen a quick grin. “Okay, let’s see how she’s doing.”

She peered at Shay, and rubbed her knuckles over her breastbone forcefully. Shay shifted and whined as her brow creased in response. “Normal reaction to stimuli. That’s good.” Barbara glanced up at him, “I’m going to need to ask her some questions, gage her mental status. See if you can get her talking. If she won’t wake up I’ll use the smelling salts.” She turned and went for her medical bag.

“Shay, I need you to wake up.” He cupped her icy cheek in his hand. Her eyelids fluttered. “I know you’re tired, but I need you to open your eyes, talk to me.”

“Jen-?” she couldn’t get his whole name out, but he knew she recognized him.

“Yeah,” he pressed his forehead to hers, “yeah baby, it’s me.”

A languid smile curved her lips before she whispered, “Hey you.”

The relief sank through his chest. She was awake and she knew him. He released a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. He nodded at Barbara that she was ready.

“Hi Shay, my name’s Barbara. We’ve met once before, do you remember?” Shay blinked slowly and shook her head.

“I’m sor-” she broke off in a cough.

Barbara addressed one of the PAs by the door. “Can someone please go get a warm drink for Ms. Martin? And another for Mr. Padalecki please.”

Jensen jerked in surprise. Craning his head around he saw Jared slightly behind him, and over in the corner. How had he missed him coming in? His friend straightened from where he was slumped in a chair.

“I’m good Barb, I just wanted to see how she was doing.”

“You stay put, and drink it when it comes. I’ll check you after I’m done with her.”

“Barbara, I know why she got hypothermic faster than we expected.” Terry’s voice was severe. He peeled the parts of the flannel shirt he had been cutting away from Shay’s arm and chest. “This suit, it’s not one of the ones that we sent over. It’s a 4/3 and the seams aren’t taped.”

Jensen stared at the man. "You mean the whole time she was in there…."

"She was losing more heat than she should have been. Her body must be exhausted from continually trying to replace it."

Indeed, he saw that her eyes were closed again, the same slow shallow breathing that had worried him when they had first entered the tent. The tent flap opened revealing two PAs and Megan all returning with requested items.

“Finally. Bring one of those drinks here.”

“Was it you?” Terry grabbed Megan’s arm as she went by. “Were you the one who put her in this suit? Why didn’t you use the ones we sent?

Megan’s face blanched nearly as pale as Shay’s. “We-we had to. We were drying out the suits as fast as we could, but we needed a new one every time there was another take of her going into the water. I had that one from, well I don’t know, but ...”

“Do you have any idea of how vulnerable that made her? Of what could’ve happened? Of what could still happen?” he roared.

“Terry!” Barbara interrupted, “dry and safe first. Repercussions later.”

Turning her back on the dispute, Barbara leaned in, giving Shay little sips of what smelled like chicken broth.

“There, now let’s start easy. Can you tell me your name? Your full name?”

“Shay. Shaylene Marlowe Martin.” Jensen's lips tugged upward. He hadn’t known her middle name was Marlowe. The old Hollywood sound of it suited her.

“Good. Now, where do you live?”

“Lag-” she started coughing again. She accepted another sip of soup. “Laguna Beach, California.”

“Hmm, that sounds nice. Now, who is the President?”

Shay buried her face against his chest, shaking her head no.

“You can’t tell me?”

Knowing her views on the subject, Jensen told Barbara. “That one might be less of a she doesn’t know, and more of a she’s not willing to say it.”

“Well, you all are American, so I can’t say that I blame her. How about the date Shay? Can you tell me today’s date?”

Shay sagged against his chest, exhausted. She mumbled something he couldn’t understand.

“Shay, we couldn’t hear that. Look at me and tell me today’s date,” he prodded.

“February - something.”

Concern etched Barbara’s face. “What about the year? Can you tell me what year it is?”

“Six,” there was a long pause, “no, not … ” her voice trailed off.

“If she can’t orient to time and place, she’ll have to go to the hospital.”

Shay shook her head against him, and gave a yelp. Looking down he saw Terry kneeling, one of Shay’s feet in his lap as he cut through the denim at her ankles.

“Her circulation is coming back. It’s good news, but it hurts like a bitch,” he looked grim.

“Shay, you shook your head when I mentioned the hospital. Do you want to go to the hospital?” Barbara inquired.

“No. I wanna go home,” her eyes looked more alert, but he could see the tension lines signaling she was in pain, and each word seemed to take tremendous effort. She raised her eyes to his face. “Jensen, please…”

“I know baby, I know.” He kissed her brow, “I’ll take you home as soon as it’s safe, I promise.”

“Okay, one more question Shay, while you’re really good and awake.” Barbara gave her forearm a squeeze that resulted in a small sound of distress. “Can you tell me where you are, and what you’re doing here?”

“I’m in Canada, freezing to death,” Shay answered, distain lacing her voice.

“Sarcasm, I like that. But can you be more specific?”

“On a location shoot. I - I don’t know the name of the lake.” She cringed, “It hurts. It’s starting to hurt really bad.”

“It’s going to hurt for a while. And getting these clothes off is going to hurt even worse, but we need to do it. And we need to do it now. Terry do you think you can get her  
upright? And Jared, do you think you can wrap her in the robe as soon as she’s up?”

“Yeah, I can do that.” Somehow Jared had apparently gotten out of the tent, changed and come back in without him noticing. Or more likely, he had stripped where he stood careless of the others who might have seen him.

“Jensen, if you hold the collar, I’ll get the rest.” Barbara began quickly peeling the clothes and wetsuit back from Shay’s body. “Sorry about your modesty sweetheart, but this just isn’t the time for it.” Once the front of her body was exposed, Barbara nodded,”Okay, Terry let’s get ready.”

They moved together and there was a sucking sound as the wetsuit came away from Shay’s body. She cried out as her feet touched the floor. Jared moved swiftly, draping the robe around her, then scooping her up and lowering himself into a chair a mirror image of Jensen holding her moments before.

Barbara began to work Shay’s arms into the robe eliciting and whimpers every time her hands were touched or moved. Barb called over her shoulder for Megan to bring at least two pairs of socks. After delivering them, Megan came to stop in front of him.

“I brought you some clothes too, so you don’t have to stay wet,” she mumbled her face splotchy with emotion. He took them, but then sat there dumbly. He wasn’t willing to change here as Jared had done, but he couldn’t seem to make himself get up to leave either.

“Can we have the room please?” Jared’s voice rang out through the tent, “And Billy,” he said addressing one of the PAs, “would you radio Clif and tell him to bring the car down here? We’re going to take her home,” his eyes met Jensen’s “as promised.”

Barbara looked mishish about the decision being made without her, and turned to address them from the door. “I’m coming with you, in case anything happens on the ride back. And I’ll need to check her again before I’m satisfied that she won’t need any active medical treatment.” After she left the only sounds were the muted calls of the people rushing about outside.

“Thanks,” he said, grateful that Jared understood him so well. He began to remove the wet clothing mechanically. He was nearly redressed when Jared spoke up.  
“Hey, something’s - I think you better get Barb.”

Jensen flew to the door, where thankfully Barbara was waiting. She hurried back in taking in Shay’s shivering and groaning. Checking her with the stethoscope, she nodded at both of them. “It’s okay. Her lungs are clear, heartbeat and breathing regular. The shivering is a sign that her body temp is coming back up. Most of the distress she’s showing is in response to the feeling coming back into her hands and feet. Terry was just saying he’s been through it and it felt like all ten fingers and toes had just been smashed by a hammer. Unfortunately there’s not a lot more we can do. Any pain meds would depress her breathing even more, and we don’t want to move her or try to warm the extremities because her organs need blood more right now. She’s just going to have to go through it.” She looked down, compassion on her face.

The ride back to Vancouver was quiet. Jensen and Jared sat in the backseat, Shay draped between them. Jared covered her stocking feet with his large hands, and Jensen cradled her to his chest. Shay had woken briefly as they transferred her to the car. After that her shivers and sounds of pain came less frequently. She gave an occasional whimper, but for the most part she seemed to be deeply asleep. Jensen stroked her hair, contented that they were heading home.

*****


	18. February 27, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally!

Bzzzt! Bzzzt! Bzzzt!

Jensen fumbled across the nightstand for his phone. Four am. Right, time for the two hour check. Barbara made him promise to wake Shay every two hours to make sure she recognized him, take her pulse, and listen for any signs of difficulty breathing. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he shuffled down the hallway. Pushing the door open he could see that the twin sized bed was empty. Alarm spiked through his system, until he heard a noise from the kitchen.

“Hey.”

The silhouette outlined in the light from the open refrigerator jumped and vanished as the door slammed shut. A cough echoed through the darkness before Shay rasped, “Jesus Jensen, I didn’t hear you!”

"Sorry,” he chuckled. “What’re you getting into?”

“Cereal.”

He peered at the bowl on the counter.

“Are you sure there’s cereal in there? It looks like a bowl of blueberries.”

“Shut up. I’m trying to be healthy. And I'm really, really hungry.” She rooted out a piece of cereal and threw it at him.

He pinned it against his chest, “I bet you are. Does this mean you’re feeling better?”

“Yeah, ” Her eyes darted back and forth like she was trying to read words from a page that wasn’t there. She shook her head, "I, uh, I'm good."

Wanting to see her smile, he held out the piece of cereal for her to see and popped it up in the air before neatly catching it in his mouth.

“No way! How did you do that?”

He shrugged. “Just something I can do. They love me at those hibachi grills.”

“Oh, oh, let me try.”

“Hang on a minute.” He stepped over and turned on the under cabinet lighting, bathing the room in a soft glow. “Okay, go.”

She lobbed a berry in a smooth arc, making it easy to catch. He enjoyed the tart sweetness before grinning at her. “You’ve got good aim. Try a little higher.” The next toss went nearly to the ceiling, and he had to back peddle a step, but he still caught it.

"That’s incredible. How do you do it?”

“Good hand eye coordination. Mouth eye coordination? That sounds weird.”

“Yeah it does.” Her voice matched the smirk on her face. “Last one.” She threw another, but he caught it in his hands and then held it up to show her.

“Your turn.”

“Oh, okay.” She tried to be ready, but missed the blueberry, which fell to the floor, rolling off into the darkness.

He came closer, snagging another berry out of the bowl. “Now, watch it. It’s gonna go straight up, and straight back down.” He lofted it gently and thought she had it until it bounced off of her nose. They both giggled.

“Don’t you know where your mouth is?”

“Um - somewhere below my nose?”

“Yeah, somewhere below your nose.” His hand drifted up, almost without thought, and he traced his thumb over her lips. “Good to see these aren’t blue anymore.”

Her smile opened and he found his thumb captured between her teeth. He felt the tip of her tongue just before she deliberately closed her lips. The soft suction he felt the moment before she released him shot straight to his core. Lust streaked through his body setting every sense into overdrive.

“Hmm. Well, at least I caught one thing.”

The husky sound in her voice betrayed the easy smile she gave him. He saw the sheen of moisture left behind on the fullest part of her lower lip. Feeling himself pulled, as if a magnetic force had grown in the previous weeks from imperceptible to irresistible. He breathed her in, the wild, wet smell of lake water still in her hair and something warmer, a scent he had begun to relate exclusively with Shay. And seeing her eyes lock onto his own aching lips, he surrendered.

Jensen’s eyes drifted shut as the world spun around him. His only anchor was the touch of her lips against his own. At that moment he couldn’t tell which way was up or down because the only gravitational force he was feeling seemed to be coming from within Shay herself.

*****

Jensen was kissing her. From the first graze of his lips Shay felt electrified. The edgy energy held her immoble even as it coursed all the way to her fingertips and toes. When he started to ease back she heard a muffled sound of dismay from her own throat. Her hands fisted in the soft cotton of his t-shirt. Her mouth met his more fully, opening in an invitation, a demand that the kiss continue.

Jensen didn’t disappoint. Shay’s head spun as the kiss deepened, trusting the firm hands at the nape of her neck and across her lower back to hold her steady. He turned, using the kitchen island to keep her in place, his body supporting her. Her hands snaked under his shirt, exploring the firm contours under smooth skin. She felt as much as heard the rumble of approval that came from his chest.

He smoothed his hands down her back, taking time to cup her ass before moving down to the backs of her thighs which he used to lift her until she was perched on the edge of the counter. As the long hard ridge of him met her heated core she arched, seeking more friction. He dragged his hands over her hair increasing the bow of her body, his teeth and tongue scraping and soothing down her neck. When he reached the sweet spot at the jointure of her neck and shoulder she went boneless. She reached behind her to support her weight, and knocked the forgotten bowl of cereal to the floor.

“Shit!” Jensen had jumped backward, and then steadied himself to pick up one foot and peer at it in the dim lighting. Shay thought she could see a fragment of glass embedded in his heel. Blood welled and began to run down his foot.

"Oh God, Jensen -" Shay scooted forward.

"No don't. You'll get cut too. I gotta go, deal with this."

“Yeah, okay. Yeah.” She wasn’t sure she was making any sense, but she couldn’t seem to shake the whirling feeling inside her brain. She watched him hobble down the hall, her heart racing and her breath coming in uneven pants. Pulling her feet to the counter she dropped her head to her knees. Sitting there until her breathing slowed, she tried to think through what was happening. What the hell had she been thinking? The man was in mourning for his wife for God’s sake. He had been kind, and she was flirting with him. Biting, oh god, even sucking on his thumb. Taking a feather-light kiss and trying to swallow him whole, like some sex starved moron.

Mortified, Shay wanted to run and hide. But as she slid from the counter something squished beneath her foot. Looking around she stared dully at the mixture of glass, dry cereal, and blueberries scattered across the floor. Mechanically she found the broom and dustpan and began gathering the mess and dumping it into the garbage.

By the time she finished she could feel fatigue pulling at her. Shay hesitated, listing against the doorframe to her room. Jensen was hurt, she should go check on him. But embarrassment was a hard knot that sat high in her chest. To go into his bedroom now…. She shook her head and dragged herself back into the solace of the dark.


	19. February 27, 2017 pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen and Shay struggle in the aftermath of the last 24 hours.

He obviously wasn’t going to sleep. Jensen knew it was early to go out, but he couldn’t stay in the apartment any longer either. He began donning his running clothes, prepping for the cold outside. Moving quietly he made his way through the apartment. He paused in the kitchen. It looked the same, except….. 

A quick glance at the clock showed him it had been nearly two hours since they had stood in this spot. Surely she didn’t still need to be checked. She had been up, laughing and talking, obviously feeling well. Arching under his touch like…. Gritting his teeth, he forced the thought away. He wasn’t going to check on her. He couldn’t now, it would be too strange. And yet Barbara had been so adamant. She had refused to leave without his promise to check on her every two hours until she returned to set in the morning. Fuck! He really didn’t have a choice did he? 

He stood in front of JJ’s door. She’d be asleep. He’d check, and then he’d go. But what if she wasn’t? Well then, same deal. He’d tell her he was doing the two hour check, and then he’d go run. Flee. Making a face at his own reluctance, he cracked open the door. In the dim light of the hallway, he couldn’t see much more than the shape of her in the bed. Standing completely still he heard her breathing, soft and even. He hadn’t taken her temperature or even really seen her. No matter. She was obviously fine, so he could go. Closing the door quietly he headed out.

Once on the streets he eased into a run. He felt the pull in his legs, reminding him that he hadn’t truly gotten back into the habit of running. He had only started back a few weeks ago, after Clif- no, after Shay had dragged him over to Mickey’s for the first time. Why for fuck’s sake did everything keep circling back to her? He had barely known this woman more than a month. And last night….

The events of the night before replayed in his head with one major difference. If that damn bowl hadn’t fallen. When his lips had slid against hers heat had flared through his body. It had taken all his will to keep it gentle. He had even tried to ease back long enough to make sure she was okay with it, but then that sound. The needy little note of complaint that he was leaving. And her lips moving against his, opening to wonderland. He had gotten caught up in the taste of her, warm and rich as amber, sweet and slow as honey. 

He barely remembered how they got from one spot to another, but he remembered the feel of her skin, the swell of her ass, and the way she had let him lift and open her so that their clothed bodies were crushed together. His cock tightened even now at the memory of the heat at the center of her. The feel of her hair under his fingers, the muscles of her neck defined against his tongue, and the quick jolt he felt go through her at the little nip he had given her just before she melted in his arms. 

He should have held her weight right then, before she thought she had to prop herself up. If he had, he could have eased her back, licked and nibbled his way down her body like a goddamn buffet. Savor every curve and swell with lips and fingers. He wanted to find out how sensitive her breasts were. Were they for licking and gentle cupping only, or could they enjoy a scrape of teeth, the drag of a face with scruff? 

He wanted to know how soft her belly was, if her thighs quivered when stroked, and he wanted to fucking gorge himself on her pussy. He wanted to hear what noises she would make as he searched for all her hidden spots, for the angle and the pace that would get her to gasp his name. He wanted to see if he could get her to come hard enough to drench him in her excitement. And once she had scaled that first peak… he knew that counter was exactly the right height for a slow entry, one where he could watch his cock working in and out.

One of his best memories of that apartment was once after he had called bitching about some stupid problem at work, Daneel had put on one some obscenely short skirt and met him when he walked in the door by opening herself wide and telling him that she thought they should eat out that night… Oh God, Dani. What the hell had he been thinking? 

Of all the fucking disloyal, disrespectful things he had ever done, this had to be the worst didn’t it? Not only what had happened, but everything else that he wanted to happen. Even now, hating himself for thinking it, he wished he had moved that fucking bowl. Or ignored it when it shattered. He knew that had they not gotten interrupted he and Shay would have wound up in bed, even if it had been after the fact. 

Four months. Four fucking months. Was that all it took? He had sworn a vow before God, been married for years, created a child with Daneel. She had been the love of his life. But here he was, envisioning another woman in his bed. No, not his bed, their bed. The same bed in which he’d made love to Dani countless times. The bed where he was pretty sure they had conceived JJ. And the same bed where he had hit rock bottom.

The weeks he had spent in Texas after they put Daneel in the ground were a blur. He had existed in a deafening darkness. People kept coming at him trying to help. His parents, Dani’s parents, his siblings, Jared and Gen. They all wanted to do something for him and JJ, especially as the holidays came around. He accepted their help, knowing JJ needed it and that they needed to give it. But for himself, he would have rather curled up and let the darkness rage, let the ringing silence shatter the hollowed out thing he had become. He hadn’t even made it to New Year before he had dumped JJ with his parents and left. His baby girl. He couldn’t bear to even look at her. What kind of sick fuck does that? To a kid who just lost her mom?

He had run back to Vancouver, trying to escape all of it. On New Year’s Eve he had wandered out to a nearby bar, more out of social brainwashing than anything else. A random woman had hit on him and he had momentarily considered it, just to see if he could lose himself inside of her. Instead he had waved her off and drowned his guilt in vodka. He had no memory of getting home, but woke in bed surrounded by his own piss and puke. He had felt like he was dying that New Year’s day, and had only wished that it would happen faster. 

Just remembering it he felt sick. His stomach roiled and twisted, and he slowed, fearing he was about to vomit on the sidewalk. Seeing a small park on the next block, he made his way there and began walking. He took his time with his cool down, the frigid air now feeling like a relief to his overheated body. He began stretching his legs, knowing that they were likely to cramp after running so much when he was out of practice. How far had he run exactly? He had lived in Vancouver more than Austin the last twelve years, but he wasn’t sure he knew this park.

Pulling out his phone he mapped his location, and the distance from his apartment. Five and a half miles. That was a surprise. And nearly twice as far as he had meant to go. Enlarging his location on the map, he recognized the name of a bakery two blocks away. He could go there, get a water and wait inside while he called a car. Thumbing through his phone as he walked, he saw he had a new message from his therapist.

You missed your phone appointment last night. Wanted to see how you were doing. - Brian

The message had been delivered five minutes ago. Jensen realized that with the time difference, the therapy office would just be opening in Austin. Dialing the number, he reversed his direction, thinking the park would be a more private place for a conversation. 

“Jensen! I didn’t expect to hear back from you so soon. Are you back in Austin already? Or just up super early in Vancouver?”

“No I’m up early. Been up half the night. Brian, I-” he swallowed hard, at a loss for what to say. “Things went sideways up here. And I- I fucked up.”

“Tell me about it.”

“I don’t even know where to start. I betrayed Dani, man. I fucking brought this woman into my home, and now…”

At Brian’s promptings he managed to give a brief rundown of the last twenty-four hours.

“So what are you going to do next?”

“I- what? Did you hear what I just told you?

“I did. And while I think we have a few things to talk about, my more immediate concern is what your next step is going to be.”

“I don’t know. I really hadn’t thought past getting to this bakery nearby and getting an Uber home.”

“Mm-hmm. And when you get home, what are you going to say to her?”

“Oh shit. I hadn’t, I can’t go back there.”

“What else could you do?”

“I could go to Jared’s, get ready there.”

“Okay.”

“Just okay? No speech about how I need to face the consequences of my actions instead of running away?”

“The consequences of your actions? Jensen, you kissed a woman. It’s not a federal crime. And I’m not sure running away is what you’re doing. I mean yes, you literally went running, but it seems to me you used it as a healthy way to help you sort through everything that’s happened in the last few days.”

“I don’t know. Honestly I just couldn’t stay there any longer. I needed to get …. away.”

“And that’s okay. You’ve been flying through the healing process for weeks now, but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t been hard. If you need to stop, take a little breather, no one is going to judge you for it.”

“It’s just, if I don’t go back now,” he paused looking for the right words, “I mean, she’s gonna wake up and I’m not there. I’ll see her at work, but we’ll be surrounded by people and I’m flying back this afternoon ….”

“Ah. Well it would be a good idea to at least send her a message letting her know you went for a run. As for the rest, if it comes up, tell her the truth. You’re dealing with a lot of stuff right now and you just need more time to sort through it all. From all the things you’ve told me about her, I think she’ll respect that.”

“I guess.”

“And Jensen, while you’re in town, I’d like to do a session face to face.”

After scheduling his appointment, Jensen made his way to the bakery. He ordered two coffees and a dozen doughnuts before opening his Uber app. He climbed into the car and texted Jared that he was on his way. While he had the phone out he decided to text Shay as well.

_ Sorry I’m not there this morning. I went out for a run and wound up near Jared’s place. I’ll catch a ride in with him. _

The words were mostly true, but Jensen couldn’t shake the feeling that he was lying to her. 

Jensen let himself into Jared’s apartment, knowing that his friend had likely slept through his text. But no, today would be the exception. 

“Hey, what are you doing here?”

“Ran further than I expected, thought I’d stop by, use your shower. You cool with that?”

“Yeah, of course. But if you’re here, who’s with Shay?”

“She’s fine. Got up in the middle of the night, walking, talking, eating.” He paused for a moment and wondered if that was true. Had she gotten something else to eat?

“Okaaay. I just, I guess after yesterday, I thought….”

“Don’t. Just…. Don’t.”

He shoved the box of doughnuts into Jared’s hands, hoping to forestall any more questions.

*****

Church bells rang through a thick gray fog. Pushing leaded limbs out from the covers, Shay struggled to find the source of the noise. Fumbling across her cell phone, it was more luck than design that pushed snooze instead of off. 

Nine minutes later the process repeated itself. 

And again nine minutes after that. 

After the third round, Shay managed to push herself into a sitting position. God, she hadn’t been this tired in…. her stomach let out a loud growl. It felt like an empty cavern. She stopped trying to remember the last time she was this tired, and started trying to remember the last time she’d eaten something. What day was it? What had happened yesterday? Giving up she stretched and shuffled into the kitchen. Turning on the sink she splashed water on her face, and cupped water in her hands, drinking it down to ease the burning ache in her throat. When had her throat started hurting? Marginally more awake, she remembered the horrible coughing fit she’d had when she entered the frigid water for the first time yesterday. 

Yesterday. 

Yesterday they had been shooting at the lake. She tried to focus. It had been cold. They had been in the water mostly. Swimming alone, swimming with Jared. Soup. She had been wrapped in a blanket drinking a large mug of soup on the boat between shots for lunch. But no memory of dinner. Strange. She must have fallen asleep before she got around to eating. That would explain the gnawing feeling in her stomach. She began making coffee automatically, but halted when she opened the garbage can and saw broken glass, cereal, and blueberries lay on top of everything else. Wait- she remembered this too. Cleaning up this mess in the middle of the night, this mess that she had made when she was kissing Jensen. 

Adrenaline slammed through her bringing her finally, fully awake. Had that really happened? But the proof was right in front of her eyes. Dumping the coffee grounds she made a quick breakfast and sat down trying to pick through her memories. 

What was the last thing she remembered with any real clarity? Her first dive into the water. The shocking pain of cold, the panic as she fought against an element that she had loved her entire life. Those memories were razor-sharp. Her memories seemed to get less detailed, less certain as the day went on. She didn’t really remember the end of the day at all. 

There was a flash of laying in the backseat of a car, wrapped up in blankets like a burrito. People, multiple people coming up to the apartment, and then - Jensen. Pulling her out of sleep to ask strange questions. Catching blueberries out of the air. The feel of his mouth and his hands on her. Christ the man knew how to kiss. Her heart thudded in her chest just thinking of it. 

She was still sitting, lost in thought when her phone chimed. Glancing at it she saw she had two unread messages. The one that had just come in was from Clif, asking if she wanted something for breakfast. The other was from Jensen saying he had gone running and would ride to the studio with Jared. Frowning, she read it again, and searched for the time stamp. Over an hour ago. More than enough time to get back to his own apartment and use his own shower. But he was choosing to stay away. Her heart sank in her chest. So it had been real. The kiss had crossed a line. Now he had taken the first step back. 

Her first instinct was to cling desperately. She covered her face in her hands. Goddamn it! She had moved past this. She had worked so hard to leave that terrible needy part of her behind when she moved into this stage in her life. Suddenly his decision for an early morning run made perfect sense. If she were any kind of runner, she’d want to be out there too. Pushing herself for more speed, out pacing her worries. But running never had been her thing, and she didn’t have the time or inclination for a swim today. 

“‘So now what do I do?” she murmured to the empty apartment. The answer came not from her head or her heart, but her stomach. It gurgled audibly despite the food she had just eaten. A whisper of a laugh escaped her and she picked up the phone to text Clif back.

*****

“Sunshine!” Clif boomed through the apartment’s door twenty minutes later. She had taken two steps towards the door when she froze, eyes widening. Clif knew she was here? Not just here in the building, but here in Jensen’s apartment? It wasn’t a secret exactly, but they hadn’t told anyone either. When she opened the door, he refused to let her take anything out of his hands, making his way to the table to sit them down. After his hands were free, he took her by the shoulders and studied her face. He pulled her into an unexpectedly gentle hug for someone with arms like tree trunks. “Don’t you ever scare me like that again. You hear me?”

“I hear you,” to her dismay her voice was choked with emotion.

“How are you feeling?” The way he peered into her face she knew he didn’t just mean physically, but she decided to ignore that.

“I’m good. A little tired, a lot hungry, but good. What do we have in here?” She began unloading food, biting into a muffin before she had even emptied the bag. 

“You’re not gonna wait for Jay, huh?” Clif grinned at her, “you must be hungry.”

“Oh, I am.” She was going to have to tell him. After all, he was expecting to drive them both to the studio. “But Jensen’s not here. He’s riding in with Jared today.” 

Clif’s face darkened. Shay knew he must be formidable to be head of security on Jared and Jensen, but he had never seemed menacing to her until now. 

“What do you mean he’s not here? He said he was going to look after you. The only reason Barbara, hell any of us, agreed to go home was because he promised. And we believed him be-”

She held her hands up to stop him. “Easy there big guy. He checked on me. He just went for a run this morning.” She waved her hand over the food spread out on the table. “Can we eat now? I’m starving.” They did, but the mood between them was unsettled at best.

Once in the car, Clif looked over to Shay. “So what’s it gonna be kiddo? Talk radio or music?”

Shay grinned back at him, “Music. Your pick.” He fiddled with the buttons, pausing several times before he settled on an oldies channel. One song ended and the car filled with the sounds of Stayin’ Alive by the BeeGees. When he started finger dancing with the hand not on the wheel, Shay laughed so hard she started coughing.

“Hey there, you okay?” Clif asked with concern.

“Yeah. Guess my throat is a little scratched up from yesterday. Good thing Lexi just came out of the water too, I’m not sure I could do my normal voice today.”

“We’ll get Barbara to look at it this morning.”

“Barbara? The medic? We don’t need to do that.”  
“Actually we do. You’re not allowed to work until you’ve been cleared by medical.”

*****

Shay sat in a cast chair, wishing there were more seating options on set. Preferably a couch or a bed where she could stretch out until they needed her. Her day was really just beginning, but already she felt drained. And somehow, she was hungry. Again. 

Jared appeared beside her, cautiously wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

“Hey. They told me you were back today, but I wasn’t sure I believed it.”

She gave him a quick smile. “Why wouldn’t you believe it?”

“Well, the last time I heard anybody in that much pain, Gen was in labor.”

“Wait, what?”

Jared stared at her. “Yesterday. After we got you out of the water, you were in a lot of pain." He looked at her quizzically. "Do you really not remember this?”

“I-” she paused trying to remember. “Honestly, I don’t remember much. But Barbara said memory loss is a common side effect, so I shouldn’t worry about it.”

“Memory loss?”

Startled, she turned in her chair to see Jensen standing several feet behind her. Her pulse thudded faster. She searched his face, but his expression gave nothing away.

“Uh, yeah. Nothing long term, just yesterday is kind of a blank.”

“What do you remember?” Jensen’s voice and his face turned harsh.

“Um, going in the water. I remember being in for a long time, being cold. I guess my brain just sort of filled in that I went home and went to bed, but when Barbara asked me who drove, and if I washed my face before bed, I couldn’t actually answer her.”

Jared hugged her again. “That must be really freaky.”

“A little. It’s kinda like when you wake up and you _ know _ you had a dream, but you absolutely can not remember what it was about. You know that feeling?”

“Oh yeah, I hate that,” Jared chuckled. “Other than that are you okay? You may not remember it, but you were in pretty bad shape yesterday.”

Jensen turned swearing, and strode away. Shay stared after him for a moment.

“Yeah, I’m starting to get that from how weird everybody’s being today. But I’m okay. A hoarse throat, some stiff muscles, nothing permanent.”

“Well, if there’s anything I can do for you, you let me know.”

“Actually, there is.” She looked at him, wondering if this was a good idea. “Maybe you could let the adorable goofball side come out to play today.” She noted his confused look and explained, “I’m feeling a little draggy, and I’ve got some heavy shit to get through today. It just seems like it’d be really easy to get bogged down. So a little levity might be appreciated.”

*****

“All right, let’s turn it around, get ready for coverage on Lexi.” Paul called to everyone. 

Jensen stepped off stage and sipped the coffee he had asked one of the PA’s to go get for him before they had started this scene. His fatigue was catching up to him, and it wasn’t helping his already turbulent mood. He knew his anger with Shay was irrational, but he couldn’t shake it. Ten minutes in the middle of the night with her had sent him into a fucking tailspin, and she didn’t even remember it. 

Getting back into position, Jensen tried to force himself back into the role. He had to get Sammy dry and warm. Like when they came out of the water yesterday. Shay had been so pale, so lifeless. Nothing like Jared looked now, his topless upper body bronzed to perfection as he sprawled in the recliner. But then that's show business. Have to be pretty even when you’re dying. 

When they called action, he removed Jared’s boots and socks as Shay entered the scene carrying a pile of blankets. He started to fake undoing Jared’s jeans when suddenly Jared was doing it himself, and pushing them nearly to his knees. His face was barely two feet away when Jared’s dick flopped out for the world to see.

“Fuck, Jared!” he roared in objection. He heard barks of laughter and surprise from all around him, infuriating him further. He turned back ready to lay into his friend, but saw Jared wasn’t looking at him at all.

Jared grinned at Shay, apparently unfazed at his own exposure. “You said I should let my adorable goofball out to play,” he teased. 

Shay, already bent double laughing, collapsed to the floor in a fit of giggles. But then a cough cut through her laughter, followed by another and another. The laughter around the room faded and died. He started toward her, not believing that the deep booming sound he was hearing was coming from Shay’s slender form. She put her hand up to stop him. Gaining control she took a deep breath and looked up at Jared with approval.

“Well, I did ask for a _ little _ levity,” she agreed dryly.

Jared’s whoop of delight brought her smile back out, although he noticed she pressed a hand to her chest briefly as if she was afraid she might begin coughing again. 

Deciding playtime was over, he addressed both of them. “Come on guys, we don’t get this done I’m gonna miss my flight.”

“Your flight?” Shay’s voice was gritty.

“I’m going home. To Austin.” He had told her that, hadn’t he? The look on her face said otherwise. Shit.

“Oh. I didn’t know.”

Heat streaked over his skin at the small, hurt sound of her voice. He still had the instinct to go to her, make sure she was okay. His eyes darted around highly aware that there were at least thirty pairs of eyes fixed on the micro-drama that was playing out. 

“Yeah.”

“Well then,” her voice was composed again. She looked over at Jared with a ghost of a grin, “we better get this done.”

*****

Pacing the length of the sound stage, Jensen waited for them to get the cameras set up for the next shot. It was taking forever. But it would be worth it in time saved he reminded himself. He was lucky they had three camera operators and could capture this scene for three different angles simultaneously. It wasn’t a thing they could do very often. But this scene with Dean and Lexi in front of the fireplace allowed for one camera to shoot straight on at a middling range, and two others at a wide angle, each zoomed to one character’s face. 

“Okay people, two minutes until this is a closed set! If you’re not needed for this scene, please make your way back to the control room. Shay and Jensen, we need you on your marks for final lighting check.”

Jensen headed to the stage, as the bulk of the people in the room headed away from it. Anytime there was work involving nudity, or even partial undressing like this one, Supernatural made it a priority to reduce the number of people in the room to a bare minimum. Shay was already standing on her mark, holding her shirt up as Amber contoured lines onto her abdomen differentiating the central section from the obliques. Waiting for her to finish, and then for the main gaffer to take his light readings off both of them, he finally stood alone with Shay. Well, alone with half a dozen people on the sound stage, and two dozen more watching them on screens in the control room.

“You're going to have to look at me you know.” He was galled to hear how insulted his voice came out. 

“I know.” Her voice was small and hollow. She stood unusually still, her eyes on his chest but her gaze unfocused. The memory of holding her the day before when she had been so cold and barely breathing flashed into his mind. Why did she seem so broken? It wasn’t from the ordeal yesterday. Their encounter in the kitchen _ proved _ that. 

Was she staying in character between takes? That wasn't normal for her. But then nothing today seemed normal. His anger flared, but he gritted his teeth and pushed it down. He was a professional. He did _ not _ snap at people on set.

They ran through the scene three times. He knew they were getting their action and the few lines correct, but he also knew why Paul was unhappy with what he was getting. The scene felt flat.

“Do we want to run it again?” he stepped back up to his mark.

“Ah, just hold. Paul says he’s coming in.” A set dresser answered, listening to her headset as she refolded blankets.

“Director on the set!” someone called.

Paul joined them in the middle of the living room set. 

“Okay guys, technically you are nailing the script. But it feels like you’re nailing it into a coffin. You guys always give me the same scene with three or four different kinds of energy. Right now we’ve got three takes with no energy. Jensen, you’re about to rip the clothes off this woman. Give me a little heat. He can be pissed about it, but it’s still a turn on, or we might as well not do it. Shay, every line he says to you is either cursing or a direct order. Is Lexi really going to just take that with no objections? You two talk for a minute. Riff with it, ad lib, whatever, but bring it to _ life _. You got me?”

After they both agreed, Paul left them to brainstorm. 

After a long moment, Shay spoke, “I keep looking for the emotions and coming up blank. She’s just realized that all of this comes back to her. If she had done something differently, they might all be alive. Every moment of heartbreak she’s had leads right back to herself.” 

Shay rubbed her knuckles across her bottom lip before continuing. “What about him? You’d think he’d be grateful she saved Sam.”

“He is. But she put herself at risk. And even more so when she didn’t take care of herself after. She took care of Sam, hell she even patched up Mick, but she’s still dripping wet and freezing. He swore to himself that he wouldn’t touch her, wouldn’t let himself respond to this attraction he doesn’t want. Now he’s gonna have to do this thing that’s going to make that impossible.”

He saw her throat moving as the implications of his words set in.

“Well it sounds like you found Dean’s anger.”

“What about Lexi’s?”

She shook her head. “I’m just going to have to mirror, and see what comes up.”

Just then the call came to lower the lighting and for quiet on the set. They clicked the marker and it was up to him to begin the scene.

“Lexi, hey.” 

He snapped his fingers right in front of Shay's face causing her to blink.

“Look at me.”

His voice was deep and demanding. When she turned her eyes upward she looked so trusting, her pupils dilating with - was that arousal? Keeping the dominating tone he delivered the next line.

“Take your clothes off. Now.” 

He watched carefully. A flush rose to her cheeks and her breath became slightly shallow. This was her mirroring? He was giving her terse and angry and she was coming back with lust? But even as he tried to deny it, he could feel himself stiffening in response. His fist clenched as he forced himself to turn away. He counted to keep the timing for a shot they had already recorded of him moving the sofa. 

Turning back he saw her standing there, hands shaking, tugging at her shirt as was in the script, but her eyes were still on him. He swore he heard her gulp.

“God damn it.”

He closed the distance between them. One harsh rip opened her shirt, a long shove sent it off her arms to the floor. Going down on one knee he deftly undid the button and zipper of her jeans. Tugging the fabric from side to side, he could almost imagine the scent of her arousal as the denim slid past her hips. He felt the air leave him in a rush and shudder back in. Giving up, he grasped her sides in a bruising grip. Leaning in he let his face rest against her soft skin. He could feel the underside of her bra brushing against the top of his head, and her belly button teased him, a mere inch from his lips. He allowed himself two breaths before he hurled himself away from her. He snagged blanket off the floor and draped it around her before scooping her up and nearly throwing her on the couch. 

The camera hovering over the couch was a stark reminder of his reality. He wrapped the blanket around her roughly before moving down to remove her socks and jeans completely. Thrusting a second blanket around her legs he stumbled back to his chair and dropped into it, his chest heaving as if he had just sprinted a mile. Looking over he saw her eyes were still fixed on his. 

“Cut!” 

The voice blaring through a speaker jolted Jensen out of his staring match with Shay. Propping his elbows on his knees, he rubbed his face. He heard footsteps coming his way. Tish stood in front of him, holding her headset and her walkie out to him. He took it and put it on slowly, afraid he was about to get the chewing out of his career. 

“Jensen, that was a definite upswing in energy, but, um, a little rough. Let’s try again, something a bit gentler this time.”

Turning he extended the walkie back to the PA and neared Shay hesitantly. She was redressed and sitting on the couch, her eyes fixed on the floor. He sat on his heels in front of her so that he was directly in her eye line.

“I’m sorry. Shay, going off script like that, without talking to you, it was - inexcusable. I don’t know why I keep fucking everything up today.” This staring off into space thing she was doing was killing him. He needed her to look at him, to _ see _ him. “Are you okay to try again?” Her eyes remained unfocused. Gently he slid his hand under hers. “Did I hurt you?”

Shaking her head, she gave an exasperated sigh.

“Get up here you idiot.” She tugged at his hand.

He joined her on the couch, although now he had to duck his head to see her face. 

“I don’t know what to say,” he leaned his shoulder against hers, “I’m no good at this kind of stuff.”

“Yes you are.” She leaned into him as well. “But it’s okay. I’m fine.”

“Shay,” he wondered how many times she had said that today. Holding the silence until she finally, finally looked up at him, he gave a tiny shake of his head. “It’s me.” His tone left no doubt that he didn’t believe that she was fine at all.

Her eyes dropped for a second as the edge of her lips ticked upward. “Hey you,” she murmured. She looked back up at him slowly, and in that moment he knew they saw each other clearly.

“It’s not just the scene,” she confessed. “It’s yesterday. Last night. Everything seems so different, and I…...” she shook her head, her eyes going hazy again. “I’m tired Jay. I’m so damn tired.”

That phrase stirred a memory he couldn’t quite reach. Which must be how she felt about all of yesterday. And no wonder she was tired, after everything she had been through. Wrapping his arm around her, he could still feel the piercing anger that had ruled him for most of the day. But along side it was something warmer, softer, something familiar and infinitely more comfortable.

*****

That atrocious needy feeling was back. She had actually uttered the words ‘last night’ on set where anyone with access to the sound recordings could hear them. When prompted, she dragged herself back up to her mark. She tuned out her surroundings for a moment, searching for Lexi, but found nothing other than her own inner turmoil. 

“Hey, hey look at me.” 

A snapping noise made her blink. Oh shit, he had already started. Her eyes rounded in horror. She didn’t have her character.

“Take off your clothes.” His voice was gentle, instructing not demanding. When she didn’t respond he lifted her chin with his finger. “Now.”

He turned away. She looked down and discovered that her hands were actually shaking. Or maybe trembling would be a better word. She lifted them to the top of her shirt undoing the first snap, and the second, before realizing her mistake. He turned back, meeting her panicked gaze. 

“Damn it Shay,” his voice was defeated. 

She expected him to stop, or to hear cut from one of the walkies. Surely someone had noticed that he had said the wrong name. But the cameras rolled on, recording something that was neither real nor fully fictional. Jensen didn’t rip at her shirt, but worked each of the snaps open individually. She didn’t intend to let her eyes fill with tears, but she felt them overflow when the sensation of his hands brushing over her arms made her eyes flutter shut.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’ve got you.” Jensen wrapped her in the blanket, despite having totally abandoned the script. He pulled her in close, pressing her face to his own. He shifted slowly, stubble scraping across her skin then disappearing as the softness of his full lips grazed her cheek. It wasn’t a kiss exactly, but every bit as intimate. She let her eyes stay closed as he lifted her to the couch, and felt the heat of more tears flow over her cheeks as he tended to her. She felt dazed, only half aware of a voice cutting the scene. Even then she stayed put, drawing in a deep breath and releasing it slowly. She needed this morning, this day to be over. 

“Shay?” 

She opened her eyes to see Tish holding her clothes out to her.

“Thanks.”

“No problem. Paul says we’re breaking for lunch. He also told me to find out what you want and bring it to your trailer. He wants you to take a nap until he calls for you.”

She smiled at the younger woman, “That I can totally do.” 

Sitting up she pulled the jeans up as high as she could, and only stood up to get them over her hips. Looking around she realized Jensen was nowhere to be seen. He had left without saying goodbye.

*****

Damn it, what the hell was wrong with him? He’d nearly done it again. He could only hope that his betrayal, that moment of indecision where he had thought of kissing Shay would be attributed to Dean’s actions and not his own. He had occasionally been overwhelmed by emotional scenes before, sometimes having to walk it off after shooting. Even so, heading out the moment Paul had called a wrap on him for the scene felt exactly the same as the need to get out of his apartment this morning.

When he arrived at his regular pick up spot no one was there. Normally if he had to fly after a half day of work he would have packed everything and left directly from the studio. But because of his cowardice this morning, he’d had no choice but to ask Clif to go back to the apartment and grab his travel documents and identification. 

He glanced at his watch and saw that Clif should have arrived already. It wasn’t like him to be late. Now he felt like even more of a jerk for not saying his goodbyes. To Shay especially. It physically hurt to think that he didn’t know if or when he would see her again. He shook off the feeling. He didn’t want it to hurt. He didn’t want to feel disloyal toward Daneel and the life they had together.

Clif pulled up in the big black SUV. Jensen went to open the passenger door and found it locked. Through the window Clif jerked his thumb toward the back seat. He frowned as he climbed in. He always sat shotgun unless they were headed to an event where fans or photographers might crowd the car trying to get pictures. Neither was likely today. Clif neither greeted him nor reminded him to buckle up as was his habit. And the car which was always playing music that reflected Clif’s mood was silent. Angry silent, Jensen thought. He decided to break the silence.

“Hey man, thanks for going and getting my stuff. I really appreciate it.”

Clif didn’t respond. Biting his lip, he decided to let the man be. He knew Clif had sat through enough silent rides for him in the past few months. They were more than halfway to the airport before either man spoke again.

“I never would have believed it. From you of all people.” Clif’s voice was flat, derisive. 

Jensen hesitated, unsure of what to say. Tension hung in the air. Finally he cleared his throat. “What are you talking about?”

“What am I talking about?” Clif roared, “I’m talking about finding Shay in your apartment this morning-” he was cut off by the blaring of a horn from the car in the next lane. In his anger he had swerved dangerously close to sideswiping the smaller car.

Jensen clutched the back of the passenger seat for balance as the SUV lurched back into its own lane. 

“You knew she was in my apartment. You knew last night!”

“Oh, I knew a whole hell of a lot sooner than that! You think I wouldn’t notice that you all come down on the same elevator all week? Or that you were carrying her coat as well as your own? You’re not nearly as fucking slick as you think you are Ackles. But you both seemed happy, so I figured what the hell. Maybe it’ll be good for him. Remind him what it is to be alive. But I thought it was more than that. Thought more of you. That’s the only reason I agreed to leave last night. Hell, I even fucking convinced Barbara. Thought maybe you wanted to take her to your bed so you could hold her and you were too shy to do it with all of us there. I never, not for one goddamned second could have imagined that you would abandon her while she slept. Do you know that she doesn’t have one clear memory from lunch yesterday until she woke up this morning? Can you imagine how scared she must have been? How confused? And she was alone. _ Alone _. Of all the things the ways you could fuck this up, I never would have guessed that one. Not after Daneel.” 

Jensen felt like he had been gut shot. The pain speared out of his abdomen, and up into his chest. He wanted to snap back at Clif, but honestly he was having a hard enough time just getting air in and out of his lungs. Clif, probably aware that he had gone one giant step beyond enough, drove on in silence. When they reached the exit for the airport, Clif began to tighten his grip on the wheel uneasily. 

“Jay, I shouldn’t have-”

“No.” Jensen cut him off. “You shouldn’t.”

As soon as the car was at the curb, he grabbed his things and rocketed out the door, disappearing into the bustle of the airport.

  
  
  
  
  



	20. February 28,2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen spends the day catching up with his life in Austin, while Jared and Shay try to fill in the missing pieces.

Due to a delay in Denver, Jensen hadn’t gotten home until nearly midnight. When his phone alarm went off the next morning, he turned it off without thinking. The next wake up call wasn’t so easy to ignore. 

“Daddy!” the excited shout accompanied what looked to his blurry eyes to be a pink and purple tornado made exclusively of knees and elbows as it barrelled into his prone form. In an instant the twister transformed into the sweet smell of little girl shampoo, and the weight and grip of JJ as she snuggled into him for all she was worth. 

“Hmm, I’ve missed you Jaybird.”

“I’ve missed you too Daddy.”

This is what it was about. This was what made it all worth it. The never-ending flight delays, the travel grime that still stuck to his skin, the morning breath so bad he could taste it, were all so he could have this moment with his little girl. And then the moment passed, and JJ was bouncing up and down on his very full bladder. 

Rolling over, Jensen grabbed JJ and hauled her down onto the bed. Tickling her mercilessly, he didn’t stop until she was breathless, and then pretended to collapse on top of her, pinning her to the bed with his shoulder.

“Come on, Daddy, get up, up, up! Nana said you’re taking me to school today!”

“Okay, sweetheart, I’m up. Let’s go get this day started.”

Hearing a chuckle, he turned his head to look over his shoulder, “Hey mom.” He had always loved his parents, and the way they had essentially moved down here to support him and JJ the last couple of months was nothing short of a miracle. But he still didn’t want to roll out of bed and greet his mother in nothing but a pair of boxer briefs. Thankfully she took charge of the situation.

“JJ, let’s give your Daddy a few minutes to wake up, while we go make some breakfast.” After JJ had dashed back out, his mother chuckled. “What I wouldn’t give for some of that energy. Don’t take too long, or I won’t be able to keep her from coming back in.”

*****

She was early. Glancing at her phone as her driver pulled away, Shay saw that it was just past nine in the morning. She wasn’t due until 10:30, but she _ would not _allow the knot of nerves in her chest to rule her. Pulling on the door she found it locked. Great. She pounded her frustrations on the door until a college aged girl came and opened it.

“Can I help you?” The girl’s tone indicated that she might have said help, but she really meant strangle.

“I’m with the film crew that’s working here today.”

With an enormous sigh, the girl stepped back and gestured down the hall to the right. Shay had taken four steps into the building when she heard Jensen’s voice. No, Dean’s voice. The girl was watching Supernatural on her laptop behind the counter. She had been so rude because Shay had interrupted her viewing. She thought briefly about telling the girl that if she really liked the show she should be more respectful of the people who were about to come in, but decided against it. She really wished she could see the girl’s face when Jared showed up. God she hoped she was a Sam girl. Biting back a smile, Shay let herself into the locker room and changed into an old lap suit. 

Walking out onto the pool deck, she could see the underwater crew were already present and placing a series of rubber liners over the edges of the pool. Once in place the typical swimming pool blue would be dark, greens and browns filtered through the water’s prisms to give the impression that they were still filming in a natural setting. Except of course that the water itself would still be crystal clear, to ensure facial recognition of the two characters.

Twisting her hair into a braid behind her, she dipped a foot into the water. It felt cool, but the kind of chill that reminded her of early morning swim practices and paddling her board out to never ending sets of waves waiting to be caught.

“Well, well, well, the prodigal water baby returns.” One of the men in the pool made his way over to where she stood by the edge. 

“Hi,” Shay gave a hesitant smile, “I wanted some time in the water before we started filming.” She knew this man’s face. Knew he was in charge of the dive team, but couldn’t for the life of her remember his name.

“Got a little spooked the other day, eh?” he made a come in gesture with his hand. 

Deciding not to try to ease in she jumped, the cool water enveloping her from her toes all the way up to her scalp. She let out a quick yelp underwater to vent the jolt of cold at submerging so quickly, but she was still in control of herself. Surfacing she saw the man watching her closely.

“Whew! That’s gonna take a few laps to get used to.” She smiled at him in a more open way than before. “I know I should know your name, but I just don’t. Tell me again?”

“It’s Terry.” His brow creased in concern. “You don’t remember me from the other day? We had a few pretty good conversations. You told me about how you could swim before you could walk, and I talked about teaching my grandkids?”

Shay shook her head regretfully. “I remember you were there but-,” she bit her lip. “I know I worried a lot of people, and since you’re in charge you were probably right at the top of that list. I’m sorry about that.” She studied his face, hoping he wasn’t going to insist on staying right by her side all day. “What I’d really like to do now is take a couple quick laps, and then hang out until it feels like home again. Does that make sense?”

A wry smile crossed his face. “Yeah. I’ve had to do the same a few times after rough dives. It’s like there’s a part of you that can’t settle, even on land, until you’ve come back and made your peace with the water.”

Joy filled her face at his understanding. 

“Go on, get.” he shooed her toward the end of the pool free of divers. “But I’m still going to be watching you like a hawk.”

Giving him a salute, she turned and dove beneath the water. Swimming back and forth the width of the pool instead of the length wasn’t very satisfying, but it did warm her. She wished for a pair of goggles so she could do all her strokes correctly, but knowing the circles they would leave on her face, she hadn’t wanted to risk it. Once she felt warm and loose she floated a bit, less buoyant in this chlorinated water than the salt water she was used to, but still doable. Every so often she would dive, twisting and turning in the water, coming back up to float in the sun coming in through the buildings high windows. Contentment swept through her, feeling very much like a puzzle piece that had been turned in just the right way and now snapped into place. Whatever happened today, now she felt ready. 

A laugh echoing off the high concrete walls caught her attention. She turned, and saw Jared clapping his hands, a delighted look on his face. He jogged to the edge closest to her, grinning all the way. It was infectious. She found herself grinning back without even knowing what had made him so happy.

“What’s got you so cheerful this morning?” she asked.

“You. Clif was so worried about you, and here you are playing like a sea otter.”

“A sea otter? Hmh, I’ll take that, they are pretty cute.” Reaching up toward him, she asked, “Wanna hold hands?”

He laughed again. “If I do, are you gonna pull me in?”

She pursed her lips as if thinking about it, and then nodded. “Probably.”

“Pass. I just got this phone. Besides I’ll be in soon enough. You haven’t already been to hair and makeup have you?”

She climbed a ladder, pausing in a Baywatch-esque pose, letting the water stream off of her. “Why, does it show?” She batted her naked eyelashes at him. 

*****

Jensen enjoyed driving. He kept a car in Vancouver, but he usually only used it on his days off. And of course he tried to have his days off grouped together so that he could travel here to Austin. Driving JJ to school this morning had been a treat for her, but man, his ears were ringing by the time he got to the school’s parking lot. On the way out he decided on silence rather than radio, and rolled down the car’s windows. The early morning air was crisp, but he knew this time of year it could be 70 and balmy later in the day. 

Stopping by the mailbox on his way in he pulled the day’s mail and made his way to his office to drop it off. The sight of the mountain of papers that had been growing on his desk for the last several months made him wince.

“No time like the present I guess,” he grumbled to himself.

Turning on one of his favorite country playlists and opening the windows he got to work. Dani had always organized things for him while he was out of town, and it didn’t take long for him to come to the conclusion that he had taken that for granted. Giving up on opening anything, he began to just sort the mail into piles. Scripts for potential projects, packages of fan mail from his agency, actual business letters from his agency, others from the publicity company, the lawyers office, medical bills and finally a huge pile of random things that were probably just junk. More than two hours slipped by while he discarded trash, made his way through the papers, careful to jot down notes about calls he needed to make or bills to pay. He startled at the sound of his mother’s voice from the doorway.

“Oh, I’m glad to see you doing that. I was starting to get nervous about how big that pile of papers was getting.” 

“Starting,” his father snorted, “she’s been wringing her hands for weeks.”

“I have not! I just said maybe we should send it to him, or at least open it to make sure it wasn’t important,” his mother argued. “You don’t have any plans tonight do you?”

“No, just planning on being here.”

“Good.” She gave his shoulders a squeeze, “that’s good. I’m proud of you sweetheart.”

*****

When Jared and Shay broke for lunch, Paul came by and reviewed what they had left to do for the day. After he’d moved away, Shay glanced up and saw Clif sitting alone in the stands, in the same spot he’d been all morning.

“Jare, why is Clif staying all day? It’s not like we need crowd control in here.”

“Are you kidding me? He’s here to watch you.”

At her disbelieving look, Jared just shrugged. “He was really worked up this morning. Even insisted on going by Jensen’s to pick you up, but of course you weren’t home.”

Okay, she wished he hadn’t said that quite so loudly. At least three heads turned toward them.

“But why?”

“You really don’t remember how bad it was at the lake do you? If Jay hadn’t already left for Austin, he’d be here shitting a brick too. You- we were scared, Shay. All of us. Which is why it was so awesome to come in here this morning and see you playing, having fun. It helped put those other images out of my mind.”

Shay wrapped her wet hair around her hand. “Everyone keeps telling me how bad it was. It’s just…. I’m fine. I guess it’s hard for me to understand.”

“Tell you what. Let’s get the dailies sent over. When we’re all done here we’ll grab some food, go back to my place, and play those while I tell you about the day. Sound like a plan?”

“It does. Thanks Jare.”

*****

“Jared! Jared, we’ve heard rumors that Ms. Martin was brought back to the show because of her relationship with one of the stars. We assumed that meant Jensen, but maybe we were wrong? Does Gen know about this?”

Jared turned to face the woman, not so subtly pushing her behind his massive shoulders.

“We’re just here for sandwiches. And yes, Gen knows I eat. I do it everyday.” 

Turning back he continued to block her from view.

“Take a step back Jare. I don’t mind someone snapping a picture of me in a sandwich shop, but I do mind it looking like you’re trying to press me into the wall.”

“Sorry. It’s just, I didn’t see that coming. I try to prepare for running into paparazzi at events or even airports sometimes. But usually if someone comes up in a place like this they’re just looking for a selfie, you know? Not running up like a tabloid reporter with their phone in my face.”

“Relax. She’s some Lois Lane with a blog, trying to get the big scoop. And now she’s got it. Jared Padalecki likes sandwiches.”

The shoot had gone longer than expected. Shay didn’t mind much, but it meant they had hit the deli at the peak of the dinner rush. After waiting for several minutes, they shuffle forward with the rest of the line. Jared still looked troubled.

“I guess you’ve had to deal with this your whole life, huh?” he asked.

“On and off.” She gave him a tight smile, “I’ve learned that the pictures, the headlines are really the smaller part of the problem. Like the fuse on a firework. If the people you love don’t believe the lies, then there’s no bang.”

“Yeah, but I hate that they even have to read it. Fuck, here come the sharks. Lois Lane has some pretty dedicated followers. Some of those guys sell to TMZ.”

Shay couldn’t see the window, but she trusted Jared. She opened the Uber app on her phone.

“We can take two cars, but I need your address.”

“No good. Mine’s just across the street. I was planning on walking. Let’s go to yours instead.”

Shay heard her order number being called. “Okay, see you in a bit.” Taking her food she exited the deli and was immediately surrounded by voices.

“Shay, baby, give us a smile!”

“Ms. Martin! How do you like Vancouver? Are you still here doing television? Or are you ready to go back to feature films?”

A more aggressive man pushed past shoving a microphone in her face. “Are you going to become a regular on Supernatural? Is it true that you’re dating one of the show’s stars?”

“You homewrecking bitch. It was bad enough that you moved in on Jensen before his wife was cold in the ground, but now you’re going after Jared too? He has a family!”

The last came from a girl that looked no more than 20. She didn’t have a camera or microphone. Clearly this was personal to her. The aggressive reporter turned to her, asking questions.

Turning back to the man who had been polite, she answered, “I’ve enjoyed my time in Vancouver. The Supernatural cast and crew is incredibly tight knit, but they still manage to be very welcoming to an outsider coming in to work on the show. If you’ll excuse me, I think that’s my car.”

Sliding into the car, she drew a deep breath as it pulled away. Considering Vancouver was sometimes called Hollywood North, she had been lucky not to have had a run in with reporters before now. She had waved back to some photographers in the airport on her first arrival weeks ago, done some selfies with a few of the dedicated Supernatural fans who had showed up on location to see them film, but nothing big. And no mention of rumors that she knew of. Frowning, she texted her agent, Amanda. 

_ A, just got some questions about rumors of me in a relationship. You seen anything? _

Amanda’s response was almost immediate. 

_ Nothing has flagged on any of your social media accounts. You want me to go looking? _

_ I’d rather know what’s coming. And it might not be focused on me. They mentioned something about one of the leads from the show I’m guesting on. _

_ You can’t be serious. _

_ Very. This fanbase is…..fanatical. _

_ I’ll get back _

Putting her phone away, Shay looked out the window. It took her a minute to realize that the car was headed the wrong way.  
“Excuse me, but we need to be headed west.”  
“Yes, ma’am. I’m sorry, I missed a turn. The GPS says this is the most direct route back to your location.”

It took another ten minutes, but they did wind up in the right place. Shay chuckled to see that Jared was already there, climbing out of the back of a tiny hybrid. He looked like an origami puzzle unfolding. 

Calling his name, she caught up to him before he entered the lobby.

“How’d you end up behind me? My food took way longer than yours.”

“Driver took a wrong turn.”

They were nearly to the elevators when she heard her voice being called. 

“Ms. Martin! Could you come here for just a minute?”

Turning, she muttered, “Our food is going to be so cold.” Walking back to the counter, she recognized the young man that Jensen had gotten the key from earlier in the week. 

“Kyle, how are you?”

He stood taller, smiling at her recognition. “I’m well, thank you. Some deliveries came for you today.”

“For me? That’s unusual.”

“Yes, one was marked sensitive, so I’ll run and get it from the safe, but these,” he pulled an arrangement of flowers from under the counter, “I can give to you now.”

“Oh! They’re so pretty!” She beamed at the collection of pink, peach, and white blooms in front of her.

Kyle smiled, “I’ll just go get the other.”

“Who are they from?” Jared’s voice came from above her shoulder.

“I have no idea.” She leaned in and sniffed a rose. “Hardly anyone even knows where I’m staying. My parents maybe. They have the address from the last time I stayed.”

His hand reached behind a lily and plucked out a card she had not seen. “Why don’t you find out?”

Kyle emerged from the office, handing over another package. “Would you like a hand up to your unit miss?”

“Um, no, I think I can-” Shay slipped the package into her bag, took her food in one hand and cradled the flowers in the other. “Wait, the card-”

“In my pocket,” Jared grinned at her. She made a face back.

“Thank you Kyle. Have a nice night!”

They took the elevator up, and somehow managed to get the door open without dropping anything. Swinging through the kitchen she plopped her food on the counter and turned on the oven before returning to the living room.

“I’m going to heat my food up if you want me to put yours in too.” She told Jared as she sat the flowers on the coffee table.

“I’ll do it.” He headed for the kitchen with his food. “What was the other package you got?” he called back.

“Nosy, aren’t you?” she teased him as she pulled it out of her bag. Opening it, she saw the dvds with their studio labels. “Oh, these are the dailies from yesterday.”

“Why’d they send them to you here? He called.

“Part of my contract,” he reappeared around the corner, “I get veto power over scenes with any kind of nudity. In case they’re more revealing than anticipated.”

“Well I thought they revealed a lot, and I’m not talking about skin.”

Shay thought about asking what he meant, but decided against it. She didn’t want to talk about yesterday. She wanted to fill in the hazy spots in her memory. Digging through her bag she came up with the dailies from the lake. Popping the disc in the dvr, she hit play and then turned down the sound so they’d be able to talk over it.

Jared walked back in, carrying a shot and a beer in each hand.

“What’s this for?”

“I hate watching my dalies, and that’s when I remember doing them. I figure at least once you’re going to want a good belt of whiskey.”

“That may be true,” Shay shook her head, “but I gotta tell you, my liver is hating Vancouver. I’ve had more to drink in a week here than I would in a month at home.

“Just wait until we get you down to Austin. We’ve got our own brewery and bar down there.”

A clammy sweat popped out on Shay’s forehead at Jared’s casual mention of her visiting Austin. She had never considered being invited to see the other half of Jensen’s life, but suddenly she wished she could. She was deeply curious about the draw that kept both these men traveling the length of the country, rather than making a home in Vancouver.

Casting her eyes around for another subject, she saw herself run for the water for the first time.

“I remember this, so I guess we can fast forward.”

“Or,” Jared held out the card from her flowers with a flourish. 

She snatched it from his hand. Opening it she read it once, twice, then just stared in confusion. 

“What’s it say?”

“Call you soon. No signature, nothing.” She handed it back. “Definitely not from my family, we talk everyday anyway.” 

A beep came from the kitchen, and she went to pull their dinners from the oven. Dishing them out onto plates, she carried them back to the living room. Biting into hers, she hummed her approval.

“Those are really good.”

“Told ya.”

“Worth the Lois Lane?”

He shrugged, “Well, she’s not usually there.”

*****

Jensen sat feeding papers into his firepit in the backyard. Daneel had always accused him of being a pyromaniac. But he figured burning papers was more effective identity protection than shredding, and it was a hell of a lot more fun. A wry smile crossed his face. Maybe Daneel had been right. 

He startled slightly when his dad stepped up next to him. “Mind if we join you?”

“Of course. Mom coming out too?”

“Yeah. She wanted to get some tea. And check on JJ. And probably half a dozen other things she didn’t say. She’ll be along shortly.” They sat appreciating the smell of wood smoke against the bracing night air. When his mother emerged from the house she carried not only tea but a pair of lightweight blankets. Handing one to him she tucked the other around her legs, offering the other half to his father.

As soon as she was settled, his mom cleared her throat, a sure sign that she was gearing up for a conversation that she was unsure about. 

“Earlier, you mentioned you had an appointment with Dr. Miles tomorrow. So that’s been working for you? The distance hasn’t been too much of an issue?”

“Yeah, it’s been going okay. We talk twice a week, by phone or video call. And like this week when something came up at work and I miss, he just texted me and we reschedule.”

“What came up this week?” his father asked.

“There was a bit of an emergency situation, and I forgot all about the call.”

“An emergency? Was someone hurt?”

He loved that his mom was so worried about anyone associated with the show, even if she hadn’t met them. He thought of how Shay had looked after she came out of the water, the sounds she had made while Jared held her. 

“Jensen,” his mother reached a hand out for his knee, making him realize he hadn’t answered. “What happened? What was the emergency?”

“We were shooting in water, and one of the cast got hypothermic.”

“Who was it honey?”

“Shay Martin. She’s okay,” he clarified, “but it was- it was a rough day.” 

“I’ve heard that name. Why is that name familiar?” His dad’s eyes were on him now.

“Oh come on honey!” his mom interjected, “She was a big movie star as a kid. It was a really big deal when they got her to come on the show. Some friend of Misha’s isn’t she?”

“Yeah, he was in her last movie. She got some awards for that one. For the writing and the acting. You remember Dad, I told you a while back about going boxing with Clif-”

“Wait, I thought you said Shane. You’re telling me your boxing buddy was a girl?” his father interrupted.

“Well, I didn’t actually fight _ her _, just, she was the one that got me to go the first time.” 

“What, you afraid she could take you?” 

Jensen smiled, knowing his dad was winding him up. “Nah. Her form might be better, but she can’t catch me. I’m quicker than quick, faster than fast.”

His dad chuckled along with him. His mom did her little throat clearing thing again. Apparently this had not been the conversation she had been intending.

“I’m glad things are working out with Dr. Miles, just like I was relieved to see you tackle that paperwork that had piled up. It seems like you’re starting to take control of your life again.” She paused, looking at his dad for support. He didn’t say anything, but covered his wife’s hand with her own. “What we were wondering, and I wasn’t going to bring it up until you were home on break, but then I was talking to one of the other mothers at school and-”

“Hon,” his father cut in, “you’re babbling.” Looking at him, his father squared his shoulders and spoke plainly. “We’re wondering what you’re planning to do about JJ.” When seconds went by without anyone speaking, his father spoke up again. “You know we love her as much as we love you and your brother and sister. We were happy to put things on hold and come down here to help. But your hiatus is coming up, and things are going to start to change. There are some decisions that need to be made about her future. Decisions that should really be made by you. So we’ve been talking, and we’ve decided that once you’re home for the summer, we’re going to head out.”

“We’ll still keep JJ while you do your summer convention tour,” his mom added hastily, “or travel with both of you, if that’s what you decide. It’s just, we want to go see your sister and your brother too. As lovely as your home is, we miss our own.”

His father clapped a hand on his shoulder. “It’s time son. We’ll get you through your current commitments. What you do after that is up to you.”

*****

After they had finished eating, and cleared away the mess, Jared joined her on the couch, tucking one long leg up so that his knee was touching her own. “Before we get started I need to ask you something.”

“Okay, sure.”

“What’s going on with you and Jensen?”

Shay felt her heart lurch sideways. Giving her head a little shake, she prepared to deny everything but Jared cut her off. 

“Don’t tell me ‘nothing’ Shay. And don’t give me that line about being support buddies. There’s an energy between the two of you that’s …… electric. I _ know _ you know what I’m talking about. But if we’re still pretending it doesn’t exist, I’m going to have to edit the story I’m about to tell you.”

“What do you mean edit?”

Rather than answer her, he sat silent. His eyes seemed ready to read every flicker of her face.

“Fine. There is …… something.” 

He continued to sit and watch her, apparently unsatisfied by her answer.

“We’re friends. And it’s all good. But then he’ll do something, or get a certain look and I-” She rubbed her fist over her breastbone, trying to relieve the pressure there. “Electric is a good word. Please don’t ask me any more than that. Whatever it was, he’s in Austin now. By the time he gets back to Vancouver, I’ll be gone. “

“You think geography is going to be the deal breaker?” He reached a long arm over and delicately pulled one bloom out of the arrangement, handing it to her. “Somehow I don’t think so.”

She couldn’t stop the sharp inhale any more than she could hide the hope and fear that warred within.

Satisfied with whatever he saw, Jared settled in. “Okay, storytime. Your first hurdle, as you just saw, happened as soon as you hit the water. Terry said it’s called ‘cold shock response’. The body is forced to gasp even if underwater. Terry also said it was really impressive how quickly you moved past it.” 

They watched her enter the water repeatedly. Only the first time had resulted in her looking as if she’d never swum in her life. Despite understanding why it had happened, and even having first hand memory of it, it was embarrassing to watch.

“This is the last take yeah? Jared asked. “This is when it started to go wrong. There was a wetsuit that was in the wardrobe department from some previous stunt. They put you in it, and that was the suit you wore the rest of the day. But that suit was thinner, designed for water about sixty degrees. The water we were in was a little under fifty. None of the divers, or Tony, or anyone knew that you were wearing an inadequate suit.” 

“Wait. I should have noticed that it was wrong. It’s not like it’s the first time I’ve worn a wetsuit.”

Jared sighed. “One theory is that you were getting a little discombobulated even that early in the day. Terry and Paul questioned everybody that was in the tent when you put it on. Amber admitted that she heard you mumbling about murder and crows, but thought you were running lines in your head.”

Shay dragged her hands down her face. “No, I wasn’t running lines. I remember that. I was standing there like a zombie while they flapped around me, getting me reset to do the shot _ again _. And I remember thinking that because they were all wearing black that day that they looked like a flock of crows circling. Except a group of crows isn’t called a flock, it’s-”

“It’s called a murder.” Jared finished the sentence for her.

“Exactly. It wasn’t exactly a kind thought,” Shay looked at him sheepishly.

“Trust me, I’ve had worse,” he reassured her. “So do you actually remember that suit at all?”

“Not really. I remember those takes, but looking back, they all kind of bleed together. Nothing really unusual, just like how I feel after a really long day of filming.”

“Except you were at the beginning. This bit of footage of you swimming out to the end of the dock took nearly four hours. And then you did the dive down under the water. By the way, Tony told me that day that the way you move through the water is a thing of beauty. And that’s a direct quote.”

He fast forwarded through the many takes of her diving underwater. “Um, after this you had a little bit of a break. You were up on the boat, I think, getting something to eat.”

“Soup. I remember having soup.”

“I’m glad you remember that part, because I wasn’t really paying attention at that point. That’s when I was getting suited up and trying to get in the water. Honest to God, getting in was painful. By the time I made it as far as my knees, I wanted to just go jump off the dock to get it over with, but they were worried it might force me into a cold shock response as well. I totally believe it. I have no idea how you managed to get dry and then go back in over and over.” He paused, taking a sip of his drink.

“Once I was in, we got to work on the rescue scene. That is one hell of a kick you’ve got. I know we had a tow line, but I could feel you pulling me through the water.”

“Wait, that sounds - did you say something like that to me then?”

“I did. You remember?”

“No, I don’t think I did. But when I heard you say it, it just clicked. I feel like all those memories are there, just out of reach.” Shay gave her head a small shake. “Keep going. Please.” 

She glanced over at the screen which Jared had paused after she had completed all her dives. She pressed play again, watching the action that matched his words.

“There you are towing me in. You had to do that so many times. They wanted to get it from the back, to get the fighting in the background, from the front to see us, close ups on our faces, your arms, your legs. We should have today’s shooting first, so they would have known we didn’t need all of that out in the freezing cold. We were shooting that scene for at least three hours.

As it went on, I could tell you were getting tired. At first between takes we were just goofing around. And since I was wearing a floatation suit, and I would sort of give you a hand to hold you up. After a while I started holding you against me. It let you rest more, and we were able to share some body heat that way too. By the end you were so cold and so tired. You just curled up against me. I think you might have even fallen asleep on my shoulder.”

“You were holding me?” Watching the screen, she hoped that they had left the camera running between takes, but no luck. The action cut to black, and the next video had a timestamp several minutes later. She worried the inside of her lip with her teeth. “That must have looked odd.”

“Not really. I have some pictures if you’d like to see.” Jared pulled his cell phone out. The picture he showed her was not of him holding her. It was him standing in water up to mid-thigh with a pained look on his face. She was in the background standing on a boat, a silver blanket wrapped around her, with a bemused smile on her face. Swiping, the next picture was the same except the focus had been shifted to her, and Jared appeared slightly out of focus in the foreground. The next was a video of Jared trying to force himself into waist deep water, cursing a blue streak. She heard Jensen’s giggle and then the guys began trading insults.

“Sorry, I don’t think I realized how crude that was.”

“Not the first time I’ve heard guys being crude. So Jensen took these?”

“Yeah. Those aren’t really the ones I wanted to show you, but I thought maybe they’d help. Let’s see. No, that’s not it either, although it is a pretty awesome picture.” 

He turned the phone back to her and she saw an action shot of her swimming with Jared in tow. His face was slack, pretending to be unconscious, but the focus was really on her. It had been taken at the perfect time, when her kick had her as high up out of the water as she could be, her arm striking out for the next stroke. Her face was determined and although it might have had slightly less color than normal, the flush of exertion still rode high on her cheeks.

“That is awesome. I think I might want a copy of that.”

“I’ll get you one. Here, this is where it started, me holding you up.”

The picture was the two of them, just head and neck out of the water. She saw her hand on his shoulder and guessed that his arm was supporting her around her back as well. They looked as if they were mid-conversation, just waiting for work to resume. He swiped to the next picture.

“And this one was a little bit later, after you started shivering.” The picture showed him directly behind her, their bodies close enough to share a bit of warmth , and her head was turned slightly and she was smiling as if whatever he was saying was amusing. In the next they were both looking directly toward the camera. An echo of her previous smile remained on her face, but Jared’s looked like pure mischief. He swiped again and in this one she had turned back enough to look Jared full in the face, one eyebrow arched in a sardonic look. In turn he had his head thrown back in laughter. 

“What were we talking about?”

“Jensen. I was telling you that it was going to drive him insane with jealousy that I got to have my arms around you. But then you responded that he was probably taking pictures to threaten me with next time I acted up on set.”

Shay huffed a laugh. “That does sound more likely.”

“I don’t think so. Here, this is the one I wanted you to see.”

This picture was different than the others. Jared looked strong and protective, one hand splayed wide enough to reach both of her shoulder blades. She lay limp, her body draped over his larger frame. Her head was supported by one of his broad shoulders, her face was toward the camera, lips pale and eyes glassy. Jared swiped to the next picture, identical except that in this one her eyes were closed altogether. Seeing herself so vulnerable with no memory for context was unbelievably unsettling.

“These were taken just a few minutes before we called it for the day. Jensen actually took these and then went to Tony arguing that you needed to come out of the water. He knew, before anyone else, that something was wrong. I should have, but I was just focusing on getting the work done...”

“It’s okay Jared. Just tell me what happened next.”

“After this we went to shoot the resurfacing shot. Just like we did it today. We went underwater with two divers each. One to keep us in position, and the other to feed us from their oxygen tanks.Then they put your hand on my collar and were going to push us up to make sure you broke the surface first.” 

“That’s when something went wrong. I don’t know what exactly, but I think you got confused and started trying to fight off your divers, going for the surface instead. Here, we may actually get to see it.” He fast forwarded the dvd until he found the part he wanted. They watched themselves and four divers disappear below the surface of the lake. Although the seconds were being counted at the bottom of the screen, the moment seemed to last forever. Then the water was churning, and Shay surfaced thrashing about. She watched horrified as her image on the screen coughed up large quantities of lake water. The divers and Jared reappeared, and converged on her.

“You were talking, but it was pretty clear you were confused. Kind of like someone who’s been heavily medicated. They took your temperature and it came back low. Ninety five something I think.”

“So that’s when we got out.”

“Yeah, that’s when we got out. It felt like it took forever. And once I got far enough in to stand up, I was surprised by how uncomfortable it was on my feet. And I had shoes on.” He gave her a sympathetic smile.

“Was I not able to walk?”

“You were barely conscious. I remember looking up right after I got my feet under me and seeing Jensen standing at the edge of the water, looking like he was waiting for the gun to go off at the beginning of a race. You slipped, just a tiny little bit, and that was it. He couldn’t take it anymore. He actually waded out into the water to get you out.”

“I don’t remember any of this.” Shay shook her head disbelieving.

“It’s true. He walked in to mid-thigh without so much as flinching at the cold. Scooped you up and carried you out of the water and over into the tent. Seemed like everybody was trying to get in there to get a look at you, but Paul cleared them all out. Everybody except those of us who had been in the water and Barb. Well, and Jay, because he was holding you. I know he was talking to you, trying to bring you around. I really wish I could’ve heard what he was saying to you, and what you said when you woke up. The look on his face was so intense.”

“Probably stuff like, come on Shay, wake up.” She tried to sound casual and failed utterly. “But I get what you’re saying. It sounds like a tense situation all around.”

“It was. Terry was cutting the clothes and the wetsuit off of you. That was when he realized it wasn’t the right thickness. He was livid. I thought Barbara was going to kick him out for a minute. But he let Megan go and started cutting again.

“Megan?”

He nodded. “She had come in with dry clothes for us, and he accused her of endangering you by putting you in the wrong suit.”

“What on purpose?” Shay shook her head, “I just can’t see it.”

Jared rubbed his hand over her back in soothing circles. After a minute he continued the story.

“Barbara asked you a lot of questions, trying to determine how cognizant you were. I was dressed by then, and able to come closer to hear what was happening. You did okay until she asked you for the date.

Shay snorted and looked up at him with a smile. “That’s not a surprise. I almost never know the date. If I’m lucky, I can tell you what day of the week it is.”

“Well, it worried Barb some. Eventually Terry said he was ready to pull the wetsuit off, and Barb consented for you to be moved enough for us to get you out of it.”

“Us?”

“Yeah, I was still there. I was actually the one that got the robe around you as soon as they pulled you up. It wasn’t exactly a smooth operation, but I promise Shay, we had you covered back up in less than a minute.”

She felt him rubbing circles on her back again, probably afraid that she was going to react badly to hearing about her own nudity. But she had been surfing since she was a kid, and understood the difficulty of getting out of a wetsuit in public. She was also familiar with the risks of cold water and had far larger concerns.

“Did Barbara say anything about my heart?”

“She did yeah, but not until after we had you in that robe, and you were bundled up on my lap.”

When her eyes raised to meet his, he shrugged. “I’m always a hot sweaty mess anyway, so it made sense. And besides, Jensen was still soaked from having you on his lap up until that point. And that was one of those big reveal moments for me, Shay. He was still wet, but he couldn’t leave. Not even to put on dry clothes of his own. I had to ask everyone to clear the tent so he could change where he could see you. Once he had dry clothes on, I could actually see how bad he wanted to take you back from me. The tension was in every line of his body. If Barbara hadn’t just used the words heart attack, I think he might have just snatched you back anyway.

It got even worse for him when you started warming back up. You started going through the shakes again. Then you started moaning, and when he tried to take your hand it was obvious that it hurt you. I thought he was gonna pull his hair out. It really did remind me of when that Gen was in labor. The noises you were making, and that feeling of being there, but not being able to do a damn thing to help.”

“Lovely.” Her tone was dry as dust. She laced her fingers together, fighting the feeling that they could start shaking at any moment.

Jared laughed. “Anyway, once you had warmed up enough, Barbara said we could move you. Jensen made sure that when we got in the car, he got to hold you all the way home. 

That’s the other thing Shay. When Barb was examining you, she threatened to take you to the hospital. But instead of arguing with her, you looked up at Jensen and begged him to take you home. And he promised he would. It just wasn’t until I got here and saw your things in the bathroom that I realized that by home he meant here with him.”

“Well this is his home.” She shrugged a shoulder. “You just didn’t know I was a houseguest at the time.”“

“I don’t think so, Shay. The way he was looking at you,” Jared shook his head. “He called you baby. And he kissed you.”

“He kissed me.” She fought to keep her voice disbelieving instead of hysterical.

“Here.” His finger slid across her eyebrow. “And pressed his cheek here,” he ran the same finger higher on her forehead, “And buried his face in your hair a half a dozen times. It was like he just couldn’t stop touching you.”

Jared sat for a moment looking at her.

“There’s been so many signs this week. But even before then I think I knew. His eyes light up when he gets a message from you. His voice changes when he’s talking to you on the phone. Truth is, I think he’s been gone on you for awhile.” Jared’s words chipped away at her, creating one crack after another.

“No.” She squeezed her hands together. “He can’t be. It’s too soon. And he should have someone better. Whole.” 

“Shay don’t you see? You make _ him _ better. Whole again. I wish…. How many more filming days do you have?”

“Two.” She looked at him, confused by the sudden shift in topic. “Why do you ask?”

“Tomorrow is Jensen’s birthday. Daneel always did big parties for him, so Gen and I have set up something at the bar this weekend. I really wish you could be there.” 

“Probably not a good idea.”

“Us throwing him a party?”

“No,” she laughed quietly. “I think it’s great that you’re having a party. Carrying on a tradition. Although I should warn you, there’s this thing about bereaved people. Whenever there’s a holiday or big life event, they look around wanting to share it with the person they lost, and then it hits them that they’re not there. That they’ll never be there again. It’s called empty chair syndrome.”

“Shit. Should we cancel?”

“No, not at all. The party shows how many people he still has that care about him. It’s just- if he gets quiet or a little sad, don’t take it personally. He’s not regretting the party, he’s just missing her.”

“See this is why we need you there.” He took hold of her hands.

“But it’s not why you asked me.” She gave his hand a squeeze before sliding her own free. “You’re thinking I can fill the empty chair. But that’s not how it works. I can’t be her, or what she was to him. If I tried, he’d wind up hating me for it.” Shay bit down on her tongue before she said anymore. 

“Shay, did something-?”

She passed a shaky hand over her face before fisting it at her lips. “I’ll be filming my last scenes Saturday. And then I’ll go home. And that will be that.”

Reaching back for his hand, she gave it another squeeze. “I had no idea how big of a part you played in helping me. Thank you for that. And I appreciate you coming over here to tell me about what happened at the lake. But I think I’ve taken in as much as I can for one day.” She stood and he followed her lead. 

After she had closed the door behind him, she turned and pressed her back to it. She lost track of time as she stood there, thinking over the many things Jared had revealed and allowing herself the reactions she had struggled to conceal earlier. When she became aware of time again, she was sitting on the floor, her eyes tender from crying. She made her way to the bathroom to perform her nightly skin care routine, and changed into some pajamas. Going to the kitchen she found an ice pack and a towel, and laid on the couch, the cold pack across her eyes. She had drifted off when the muffled sound of her phone ringing in her bag came from the table by the door. Finding her way to it and digging it out, she saw an unknown number.

“Hello?”

“Shay?

“Yeah, it’s me.”

“Hi, it’s Brent.”

Her heart sank in her chest. 

“Oh, hey Brent, how are you?”

“Did you get my flowers?”

“Your - yes, yes I did.” She returned to the living room and sat heavily, staring at the flowers.

“So, will you go to dinner with me tomorrow night?”

“Dinner. Uh, tomorrow is my wrap party.”

"Oh. Well maybe we could have a drink or something to eat after.”

Realizing that this guy had done a very nice thing for her and that she may have sounded ungrateful, she softened her voice. “Yeah, we can do that. And thank you for the flowers. They’re beautiful.” 

“Awesome. I’ll see you then.”


	21. March 1, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen's official birthday and Shay's unofficial wrap party.

Groaning Jensen dragged his hands over his face. He had definitely stayed up far too late watching the fire, thinking over what his parents had said. His thoughts had gone round and round without ever really coming to any conclusion. He shuffled into the bathroom and splashed water on his face. He stared dead eyed into the mirror before blocking out the sight with a towel. Pressing it hard against the tears he felt forming he growled, “Christ Dani, I wish you were here.”

Twenty minutes later, showered, dressed and composed again he ventured out to find his family in the kitchen.

“Happy Birthday Daddy! Happy Birthday Daddy! We have a surprise for you, it’s a birthday breakfast!”

“Oh, wow are those pancakes I smell?” 

“Chocolate chip pancakes!” JJ squealed. 

“Even better!” He poured himself a cup of coffee, and gave his dad a pat on the shoulder. “And bacon too? This is gonna be the best breakfast ever!”

“It’s ‘cause it’s your birthday! I got you a present too, you wanna see?”

“Of course I do.” He scooped her up before she could run out of the room. “But you know what the best present is? It’s that I get to spend the day with you.”

*****

“You look like you’re cursing the sky for giving us bad weather.” Shay turned to see Sam approaching as they waited under the white tent before filming for the day.

“I shouldn’t, I know.” As depressing as Shay found the gray clouds, she knew better than to complain. Drizzle rarely ‘read’ on film so it wasn’t a disruption to their work timeline. Also, complete cloud cover meant it was impossible to tell the time of day and they could shoot as soon as possible. 

“Eh, it’s hard to fly up from sunshine and 75 to this.”

“And you do it all the time, don’t you?” Shay smiled at the older actress.

Sam nodded, “I do. Sometimes I’m only in for the day.”

“That’s a lot to acclimate.” Not to mention a long ass day with travel time factored in.

“You should have been here two weeks ago. David and I were outside shooting in a foot of snow, and for some reason our costumes didn’t even include coats.”

“I think we both had about six layers on.” A man’s voice came from behind her.

Shay turned, surprised to see the actor who portrayed the British Men of Letters gunman, never having heard him speak in his natural American accent.

“Of course I heard you had your own cold story a few days ago,” he continued.

“Oh yeah. Went to work like any other day, came home like a Shay-sickle.” She grinned, amused by her own joke.

“Heard you worked through it like a champ.”

“Thanks. I don’t think we’ve actually been introduced. I’m Shay.” She held her hand out for him to shake.

“David.” Dropping into a crisp British accent, he brought her hand up as if to kiss it. “Mr. Ketch at your disposal madam.”

Shay struggled for an accent she had used years ago for a period film. “Very kind. Although I fear Mr Ketch, the disposal will be mine.”

David smiled, “Not bad. It’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s wild to me that I’m wrapping tomorrow and I’m still just meeting people.”

“Just the nature of the beast. Sam’ll tell you. She’s been here for years and still hasn’t met everyone.”

“True. And half the ones I do know I’ve met outside of set, like at parties or conventions.”

“Well, there’s a sort of unofficial wrap party arranged for tonight. I’d love it if you all can make it.”

Sam gave her shoulders an affectionate squeeze. “Wouldn’t miss it. Guest stars deserve some love too.”

*****

“It’s like WHAM! I had just managed to get my feet under me, and I get sideswiped. Again. I mean, I know they deserve to live their own life, and that all of this is my responsibility, but I don’t know what I’m gonna do Brian. I really don’t.” Jensen knew he sounded manic. He was talking too fast and moving too much. “It’s like one thing on top of the other, pushing me down and the weight right here,” he slapped himself on the chest,”it’s like….”

“Like what?” Brian asked.

“Like I can’t catch my breath. It’s stupid. The answer is obvious right? I don’t _ have _ to keep working. I’m good financially.”

“Financials aren’t the only concern here Jensen.”

“You think I don’t know that? I was up half the night thinking about this shit. I have no idea how to go from being a long distance, part time dad to a full blown stay at home single parent. I don’t know how people do it. I know I _ should _, but I just can’t see it and it’s making me crazy.”

“Single parent doesn’t need to mean stay at home. You must know other working parents.”

“Working parents, sure. But single working parents? Not in the industry. Not with the travel and …” he stilled, losing himself in thought.

“What is it?”

“Nothing. I thought of someone, but the work schedule, the travel demands don’t even compare.”

“And yet that’s the first time you’ve stopped pacing since you came in today. So it must have had some significance.”

“I was just thinking that Shay was able to come up to Vancouver. It’s not the same, but…” he trailed off.

“But it gives you someone you could talk to at least, get a feel for how she does it.”

“Yeah, I don’t know about that Brian.” He sat heavily on the couch. “Not sure I’m gonna be talking to her much anymore.”

“I got the impression that you all talked pretty much daily.”

“Yeah,” he chafed his hands, “We did. And now we don’t.”

“What changed? The kiss?”

He struggled to stay sitting. “No. She doesn’t even remember that night. But I was so pissed off the next day, and she wouldn’t talk to me. Hell, she could barely even fucking _ look _ at me.

“What do you mean she doesn’t remember?”

“Some short term amnesia thing. A side effect of the hypothermia.”

“That sounds quite a bit worse than what I had imagined.”

“It was. I promise you, whatever you imagined it was worse. There was a minute right after she came out of the water, I was holding her and I thought she had stopped breathing. I had her right in my goddamed arms and I still felt so fucking useless.” He paused, his breathing ragged. “But then she opened her eyes and she _ knew _ me, and I don’t know, it just felt like she was….mine.”

He dropped his face into his hands. 

“But she’s not.” He spoke through his hands. “Dani was mine. And I …”

“Jensen. It’s okay. You haven’t done anything wrong. I said this was something we should talk about when we spoke on the phone, but so much else came up today we haven’t really touched on it. And I think we should.” Brian glanced at the clock on the wall and frowned slightly. “But since we’re running low on time today, I want to touch back on the overwhelm you were talking about earlier. So the first good thing I want you to remember is that nothing has to be solved today. You still have time to explore your options and decide what is best for you and your daughter.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Does that mean there’s a second piece of good news?”

“It does. Suddenly becoming overwhelmed by a number of responsibilities, having to make a lot of big decisions is very common for people working their way through the stages of grief. It’s usually called re-entry trouble.”

“I’m sorry man, I’m not sure how that’s supposed to be good news.”

“It usually happens when you’ve processed the bulk of your grief. That’s not to say that you won’t continue to experience some of those more negative feelings, but they probably won’t have the same intensity as they did before.”

“So you’re saying I’m getting better.”

“In a way. But grief isn’t an illness. It’s a reaction to the loss of something you love. Since you’ll always love Daneel, you’ll always have some grief that she isn’t here. But what I’m saying is that from here on out, things become less about her death and more about how you carry on with your life.”

****

Shay double checked the address Jason had given her. This was it. The dark glass office building gave no clue to what lay inside. Following the directions he had texted led Shay to a control room where Jason sat playing a guitar. She knocked and was greeted with a big smile as he hurried to let her in.

“Hey, I am so glad you came. And we have more time than I thought we would.”

“Well, we wrapped earlier than expected. So what is this super secret project, and how can I help?”

“So, the project is a birthday present for Jensen. Did you know today’s his birthday?”

“Jared mentioned it. Told me about the party in Austin.”

“Yeah, I’m flying down tomorrow with Brianna. Have you met her yet?” When Shay shook her head he assured, “You will, she’ll be here soon. We’re going to do some live music at the party, but I’ve also been working on putting together an album for him.” He paused studying her.

“I’m not sure I like that look,” she laughed even as she regarded him with suspicion. “But I’m intrigued enough that I’ll ask. What kind of album are you making, and why did you have me meet you at a recording studio?”

“Because ever since I heard you at Jay’s place the other night I just knew I had to have you in on this.”

“You want me to sing? Like solo?” 

“If you’re up for it. I’d happily take that lullaby you sang to us. But I also have some other ideas that fit a little better with the album’s theme.”

“Theme,” her reluctance was outweighed as a sense of inevitability draped around her.

“Yeah. It’s a little bit about love and loss, but more about support. I want him to know how many people still have his back.”

She closed her eyes. “When you put it like that- you make it kinda impossible to even want to say no.” She inhaled deeply and tried to blow out the fear she felt building in her chest. “Jason, this is- an amazing gift, and I am so totally in.” 

*****

Jensen smiled at his daughter. Her little face pinched in determination, she made her way across the kitchen carrying a cake platter larger than her own head. His dad kept pace with her, ready in case she stumbled, but she was doing it. He reached out when she got close and lifted the cake up to the table he sat at. 

“Did you decorate this?” He gazed at the cake, while JJ climbed up onto his lap. It was a mess of candy letters, sprinkles, and globs of multi-colored icing.

“Yep,” she grinned proudly. “Nana helped. She gave me all the letters. See? It says Happy Birthday Daddy.”

He looked again. It was probably all the letters to form those words, but he hadn’t noticed since JJ had put them wherever she liked on the cake.

“Well it looks delicious. I say we dive into this thing.” He leaned forward as if he was going to plant his face right in the cake.

“No! Daddy stop! You have to have candles and make a wish first!” JJ wailed.

“Oh, well okay then.” He waited while his mom brought over some candles and began lighting them.

“What are you going to wish for, Daddy?”

“I can’t tell you! If I do it won’t come true, those are the rules,” he chided. In reality he had no idea what to wish for. The only wish he had could never come true, no matter how many birthday candles he blew out. JJ squirmed on his lap.

“Daddy, can I help you blow out the candles?”

“Oh yeah, I’m gonna need help with all those candles.” He looked down at her adoring face, and suddenly he knew exactly what to wish for. Holding his daughter tight, he leaned forward and wished ‘I want her to be happy’.

Once the lights were back on, his dad stood saying, “Hey JJ, why don’t you give your dad his presents while I cut this cake and get some ice cream?”

JJ scampered off and returned with two presents. Climbing back onto his lap, she thrust the smaller one into his hands. “Open this one first, it’s from me.”

He unwrapped what was clearly a movie case and chuckled when he saw the title. “Wow! Moana? Are you sure this is for me?” He snuck a look at his mom who smiled and shrugged helplessly.

“Yeah! Daddy it is _ so _ good. You are really gonna like it. There are _ some _ scary parts, but not _ too _ many.”

“Oh so you’ve already seen it, huh?”

“Yeah,” she said in a duh tone, “Aunt Kenzie took me to see it in the theater a long time ago. Now, open the one from Nana and Poppy.”

“Mom, you didn’t have to get me anything. After all you all have done-”

His mother reached over and took his hand. “You’re still my baby boy, and I can get you a birthday present if I want to.” She squeezed his hand tighter. “I hope it’s okay.”

“Of course it’s okay.” Confused by the distress on her face, he pulled the paper off of the package to reveal a photo album. Opening it carefully, he saw pictures of himself and Daneel from the movie Ten Inch Hero. “Look honey,” he said to JJ, “this right here is when I knew your Mommy was the girl I wanted to marry.”

“Yeah,” JJ’s voice was dreamy as she ran her finger over Daneel’s face in the picture. “Wait, where are you?” He pointed to himself, with his fauxhawk and his fake piercings. “That’s you? Daddy you look funny!” she exclaimed. 

“Yeah, I sure did. It was like playing dress up everyday that summer.” He turned the page and told JJ stories that accompanied the photographs his mom had collected. More than once he found himself blinking back tears. Looking over, he saw his mother dabbing her eyes.

“I thought I had looked at those enough that I wouldn’t do this,” she apologized, “but hearing you tell the stories-” she broke off swallowing hard.

He stood hefting JJ onto one hip and gathered his mom in for a hug with his other arm. “It’s perfect. Thank you, Mom, for everything.” He stood there a moment longer before JJ, with the impatience of, well a five year old, began to bounce on his hip.

“Daddy, I want cake and ice cream. And then can we watch your movie? Please?”

Chuckling, he lowered her into a chair and ran his fingers through her curls. “You got it Jaybird.”

*****

Shay smiled to herself and let her head fall back on the leather headrest. The wrap party had been fun. It had been small, seeing as it was just for her, and only a dozen of the cast and crew had been able to attend, but she didn’t mind. She’d had a chance to laugh with Sam and Amber, been toasted by some of the crew, and even had the promised extra drink with Brent. She didn’t feel anything special for him, but his adrenaline junky ways meant he had some fantastic stories to tell. At the end of the night, he had offered to drive her home in his flashy sports car.

“Thank you for the ride.” Shay said as they pulled up to the front of her building. She adjusted her legs in the bucket seat and realized there was no graceful way to exit the car. Just then her door swung open and the hand of the valet appeared. “Oh thank you,” she sighed in relief. Even with the help, she still felt clumsy, as the seats in the low riding car seemed to sit below the door opening. By the time she had her feet under her again, Brent was already circling the car, handing the key and a bill over to the valet.

“Oh, no you don’t need to do that,” she protested.

He put an arm around her waist and pulled her close enough to lean and whisper in her ear. “Shay, let me walk you to your door.”

She was trying to formulate a polite way to say no when he grasped the back of her head and pulled her in tight for a kiss. Adrenaline spiked and her heart raced, but it wasn't pleasure. Pushing against his chest she managed to get a few inches of room.

“Brent, this _ is _ my door.” When he continued to hold her in place, she said clearly, “I need you to step back.” He did, although not nearly enough for her comfort. He looked at her, his eyes searching.

“Really? I thought-”

Sliding back another foot or so, Shay nodded. “Yeah, really. Thank you for the ride, Brent. Goodnight.” Not waiting for his reply, she slipped inside and began striding for the elevators. 

Once the doors slid shut she allowed herself to sag against the elevator wall. God, she didn’t want this. She had been happy, pleased with the evening and now all those good feelings had vanished. Exiting the elevator, she pulled out her key and tried to steady her shaking hand enough to get the door open. Once inside she went to the couch, kicking off her shoes and dropping her coat and bag on the floor. She grabbed a pillow to wrap herself around and spied one of Jay’s sweatshirts wedged between the cushions. Pulling it free she stared at it forlornly for a moment. Giving in, she brought the fabric to her face, inhaling deeply. Laying her head on the pillow she curled into a ball around the sweatshirt and waited for sleep to take her. 


	22. March 2, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shay spends her last day in Vancouver dealing with a public relations mess, while Jensen questions the future and is overwhelmed by the birthday party put on by the Padaleckis'.

  
  


Shay stepped out of Lexi’s car and craned her neck side to side. This was Lexi’s final shot and she had wanted to give it her all, but truth be told it would probably only result in about ten seconds of used film, and she was ready to move on. After this they would film the scene where Lexi and Sam used separate maps to locate the vampires. The crew had tricked out an old gas station to look like it was still operating, and once she had finished that scene she would finally be able to go home. 

Stepping into the tent, she headed for her chair wanting nothing more than to down at least half a bottle of water. She noticed Tish giving her an odd look as she walked by. 

“By the way,” the younger woman called out to her, “your phone was going off like crazy.”

Checking it she saw multiple calls from her mom, her best friend, and her publicist Amanda. The third was concerning. Amanda was usually incredibly efficient. Multiple calls were a sign of trouble.

Calling the number back she chewed on the inside of her lip nervously.

“Amanda Pine’s office, how may I help you?”

She paused for a moment, not recognizing the young male voice on the phone. “This is Shay Martin. Amanda’s been trying to reach me.”

“Oh she sure has honey. She needs to know how you want to respond to the Us Weekly spread on your Supernatural hat trick.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Did you not get the text? I sent you the link over an hour ago.”

“I- I don’t keep my phone on me while I’m working. It’s a distraction. What did you mean about a Supernatural hat trick? Coming back on the show for a third time? Because they haven’t even made any offers.”

“Oh no honey, they got pictures of you taking all three of the male leads from the show in and out of your apartment. It’s all circumstantial of course, but it looks pretty damning.”

Her mouth opened and closed silently as she tried to comprehend what he was saying.

“Ms. Martin are you still there?”

“Uh, yeah, I’m here, I’m just confused. Look, I’ll look at the link you sent, but I can tell you right now, there’s no shady romances going on.”

“Of course not hon. Although the third one does show you pretty clearly kissing, what does it say? Misha? Is that even a man’s name?”

“It is. But I didn’t, you know what, just have Amanda call me back when she’s available.”

Shay hung up without giving the young man time to respond. Opening her texts she found multiple messages from the publicist, each containing a link. She opened the first one bracing against whatever was coming. Just as the assistant had said, there was a collection of pictures with the title Shay’s Supernatural Hat-Trick. The image couldn’t be enlarged enough to see the pictures well, but it was clear at least two of them were her with her co-stars. The third was much darker, all but impossible to determine the identity of the people kissing. Okay, so far it wasn’t too bad. After talking to the assistant she had feared a true two page spread. This looked to take up no more than half a page, and upon first inspection the pictures seemed pretty benign as well. 

Clicking through to the next text she studied the pictures in greater detail. The first showed Jensen leading her out of the apartment building. He held both their coats in one arm, the other behind her back. She recognized the outfit she had worn the day after the migraine. She knew the look on his face was concern for her health, but it would be easy to mistake it for tenderness. The second was at the front desk in the lobby. Jared aimed a cheeky look at her and she was grinning at his playfulness. She opened the last text and her hopes plummeted.

The last picture was from the night before. And suddenly it wasn’t nearly dark enough. Because it was clearly her mid-kiss. It was _ not _ Misha, and she doubted the picture would fool many. But the angle and shadows hid Brent’s face well enough for the magazine’s purposes. Which of course was to insinuate and throw suspicion on the two other much clearer and much more innocent photographs. 

Tish popped her head back in the tent. “Hey, your ride is here.”

“Thanks.” She followed Tish into a van and saw Kelly and one of the lighting guys already inside. There was an awkward silence as they pulled out of the lot. 

“Kelly,” Shay began hesitantly, “how long have you worked with the show?”

“Since the beginning. Gary and I here go back to day one.”

“And in all that time, have there been any issues, scandals around the show?”

“Well sure. The biggest one is the fans ready to fight to the death over whether Destiel is real or not.”

“I can’t for the life of me figure out why so many women get all het up about two men together,” Gary added with a little shudder.

Shay forced a chuckle. “What about in the real world? Tabloids bother anyone who works on the show?”

“Oh we’re too small a show for anything like that,” Kelly protested. “Although the first few weeks after Daneel passed, Jensen did get some extra publicity. He hated that. And there was one time Jared went swimming in Brazil and wound up in a few of the gossip mags. Don’t think he minded much since they were all about how good he looked in a swimsuit.” She laughed heartily, wiping moisture from the corner of her eyes. “Why do you ask sweetheart? You look troubled.”

“I am.” She caught Tish staring at her again. “You already saw it didn’t you?”

The younger woman nodded. “I have an app on my phone that lets me know when the show comes up on the hollywood news sites.”

“News,” Shay scoffed, “slander and defamation under the guise of entertainment. Not a word of it true, and not a damn thing I can do about it.”

“What are you all talking about?” Kelly asked even as Shay’s phone rang again.

“Go ahead and show them,” Shay told Tish, “ I have to take this.”

“Amanda.”

“Shay,” her publicist’s voice packed worry and relief into that one word. “I've been trying to reach you.”

“Yeah, I got that. By the way, your new assistant? Not my favorite person right now. Maybe get him a phone etiquette manual or something.” She pressed two fingers between her brows. “I don’t get it. It looks like the building was under surveillance. I mean, what the hell? Was there a steakout?”

“Unfortunately yes. The new Marvel movie started filming in Vancouver about two weeks ago, and apparently the lead is staying in the same building. They were trying to get him or his wife and got you instead.”

“Great, I _ love _ being used for target practice when Ryan Renolds isn’t available.”

“Well whether they were aiming for you or not, they sure as hell got you. Three guys, Shay? In a week? You trying to make up for lost time?”

“It’s the door to a building Amanda, not my bedroom. And considering you’re the person I’m trusting to fix this, I’d rather not hear those kinds of jokes right now.”

“Woah! Simmer down girl, you usually have a better sense of humor about these things.”

“These are good people Mandy. They’ve done this twelve years without any of this shit. I’ve been here a week and now they’re all gonna have to explain to their kids what a hat-trick is.”

“Well, at least there is a non-sexual definition. I take it you’re going to want to put out a response?”

“Yeah." She sighed heavily. "Something along the lines of ‘Everyone from Supernatural has been nothing but kind and respectful from the moment I arrived. I sincerely regret that these photos have been misconstrued and any distress it may have caused my coworkers and their loved ones.”

“Okay, that’s good. Now you know I have to play devil’s advocate.”

Shay sighed again.“Do you really?” She was well aware that everyone in the van was listening and could hear both sides of the conversation.

“You know it makes me better at my job.”

“All right, fine. Advocate away, you she-devil.”

“There’s the sassy girl I know,” encouraged Amanda. “Okay, so this first one with Jensen you were leaving the building with him at 8:30 in the morning. That pretty much screams overnight.”

“Jesus, they’re time stamped? Nevermind, it doesn’t matter. That building has both short and long term rentals. Jensen lives there. We shared a ride to work whenever our schedules synched up. Go eco-warriors and all that stuff.”

“Gotcha, one down two to go. It kinda looks like Jared just gave you a big bouquet of flowers and you two are making cutesy faces.”

“Ah, I had just received flowers, and Jared was teasing me about who might have sent them.”

“And who might that have been?”

“Honestly? The card wasn’t signed. It’s a bit of a mystery.”

“Really?”

“Really, really.”

“Okay, hardest one for last. How exactly is this kiss _ misconstrued_?”

“Well for starters, it’s not Misha.”

“And how am I supposed to sell that?”

“As the truth?” At Amanda’s derisive snort she continued, “No honestly, it doesn’t even look like him. Even without the face you can tell. Misha is a hard core runner. Long and lean. This guy is bulkier. The shoulder to hip ratio would be way off.”

“The way your mind works confounds me.” Amanda chuckled into the phone, “shoulder to hip ratio. So who’s the guy?”

“He’s… a guy who missed some key signals, and decided to go the whole 100.”

“Oooh, no, does he not know he’s only supposed to go 90? You never go the whole 100! Overeager son of a-”

“Yeah. Exactly.” Shay smiled, grateful that Amanda was a long time friend as well as her publicist, and that she recognized her Hitch reference even a decade later.

“All right girl, I gotcha covered. We’ll put out the statement ASAP. You want me to run social media on it as well?”

“Nah, I’ll do it in a bit. If I know Misha, he’ll help me turn it into something funny. Just let me know if anything else comes up.”

“Are you expecting anything else to come up?”

“No, but I wasn’t expecting this either.”

“True. When are you coming home?”

“Later today. Perfect timing to do a walk of shame at the airport, right?”

“Head up girlfriend. And call me next week. We’ll do lunch.”

*****

Jensen jogged through the house to the front door. Opening it he saw Jared standing on the front step. He opened the door farther and ushered his friend in.

“Hey, I thought you weren’t comin’ by until later.”

“I wasn’t, but I couldn’t get you on your phone, and I just thought I’d, uh, come by and make sure you’re okay.”

Jensen cocked his head in suspicion. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Oh, uh, I dunno, you just usually answer your phone is all.”

“Jared,” he warned. His friend was a great actor, but unless he had a prepared line, he was a crap liar. And he was lying right now. “You know I’m gonna find out, so you might as well tell me.

“It’s just, some tabloid photographer got some pictures of Shay in your building’s lobby. One with you, one with me, and one with somebody they tried to say was Misha. They tried to make it look like she had something going on with each of us, but it was pretty lame. Have you really not looked at your phone today?”

“Huh, no I haven’t.” He pulled it out of his pocket. “Oh yeah, I shut it down last night because all the incoming messages were distracting. JJ and I were watching a movie. I guess I never turned it back on.” He pushed the button to power it on. After it connected it began a series of unrelenting pings. “Okay, it _ actually _ sounds like it’s gonna blow up.” He looked up at Jared again. “How big is this thing?”

Jared ran a hand through the back of his hair, “It’s running tomorrow in Us Weekly.”

“What!” Jensen thundered before he turned on his heel and marched into his office. He fired up his computer and brought up the online version of the gossip magazine. Two scrolls down and he was staring at a photo that didn’t exist. The original photo had been taken a few weeks earlier when all three of the men had posed with Katherine Newton, the regular guest star who played Claire Novak. The magazine had manipulated Shay’s face on top of Katherine’s so seamlessly that if he hadn’t been in it, he might have been fooled as well. 

He opened the article, scanning the text before he allowed himself to look at the photos. He noticed the magazine avoided stating outright that there was any sexual liaisons, instead using phrases like ‘looking cozy’ and ‘visiting her home’. He snorted in disgust. This was exactly why he and Daneel had decided to settle in Austin, distancing themselves and their children from the darker side of Hollywood. Finished reading, he turned to the photos. 

Okay, looking at this he could _ almost _ see why Clif had thought there had been more between Shay and himself. Although her face showed just as much warmth in the second picture with Jared. And-

“Who in the hell is that guy?” His shout reverberated through the room, making him realize his thoughts had become words.

“I don’t know, other than _ not Misha _,” Jared replied with emphasis on the last two words. He pulled his phone out and tapped on the screen a few times. Jensen saw the same three pictures turned into an Instagram feed, each with a different message written on it. Imitating the style of the magazine Shay had captioned the photos with different fonts and lots of exclamation points. ‘Chivalry lives!’ read the curling letters next to his head, ‘Total goofball!!’ was written near Jared in a cartoonish script, and ‘NOT MISHA!!!’ was scrawled on the final one as if by marker.

“Misha of course had to take it to a whole ‘nother level,” Jared added indicating for him to scroll down. Jensen scanned through Shay’s message and the following exchange.

shaylenemmartin _ Yeesh. Whatever happened to journalistic integrity? _#UsWeekly #getoffmylawn @misha @jensenackles @jaredpadalecki 

misha _ Why not me?!? _

shaylenemmartin _ Wish it had been bud, wish it had been _

misha _ Bad kisser? _

shaylenemmartin _ You have NO idea _

misha _You’re right._ _I don’t. I’m a terrific kisser_

shaylenemmartin _ ;-) Vicki’s a lucky woman _

“It’s a good response.” Jensen admitted.

“Yeah, her people put out a really nice statement too. Talking about how great everyone on the show was, apologizing to us and our families.”

“Oh shit, did Gen see this? She doing okay?” Jensen hadn’t even thought about how this might upset Jared’s wife, now heavily pregnant with their third child.

“She’s fine. Just a few weeks to go now anyway. She actually noticed something I didn’t about all of these.” He scrolled back up to the photos, “All of Shay’s actions were completely focused on protecting us, going so far as to write over her own image in our defense. She left herself completely vulnerable. And some of the people attacking the hardest have our names in their handles.”

Quiet settled around them as Jensen thought about what his friend had said.

“I was thinking we might send a video out to the fans, reminding them that she’s our friend, and a member of the Supernatural family too.”

Jensen studied the pictures again. “Why are all these pictures taken right at the front door to my building?”

“Apparently you have some new movie star neighbors. The paparazzi were waiting around for them-”

“And saw Shay instead. Once an A-lister, always an A-lister, huh? Fuck man, I am so done with this shit.”

“What, with hanging out with famous people?” Jared joked.

“With all of it.” Pushing to his feet he went into the kitchen to get a glass of water. “You know they’re gonna be giving us our contracts for next year any day now.”

“I was wondering if we were ever gonna talk about it. So you’re not going to sign?”

“I don’t know. Six months ago I would have been in, no hesitation. Six weeks ago, my answer would’ve been hell no. Now, I…. I just don’t know.”

Jensen could feel his friend’s concern even before he spoke. “You’re in transition Jay, you can’t make permanent decisions based on temporary emotions.”

“I get that, but my life is never gonna go back to the way it was six months ago.”

“Well hopefully you’re never gonna go back to the way you were six weeks ago either. I gotta tell you man, I’ve never been more worried.”

“I know. And I know this isn’t how you wanted to go out.”

“Yeah.” They both stood, weighed down by the silence. “You know no matter what you decide, I’m with you. Literally. I mean if you’re not up in Vancouver, there won’t be any reason for me to be either. I’ll just have to come over here and bug you all the time.” 

*****

“Nik?”

“This is Nikki Rodriguez. Who is this? I used to know someone with this number, but that was before she hooked up with three of the sexiest guys on the planet and quit returning my calls.”

“Nikki,” Shay whined pathetically. “Would it help if I told you you are the second person I’ve called today?”

“The second?”

“Yeah. I had to call Amanda to do the PR shit. Now I’m calling you, and when we’re done I’m gonna call my mother. After that I may chuck my phone out the window on the way to the airport.”

“You called me before your mom?”

“Yeah. Because I’m hoping I’ll be able to tell her that you’re gonna give me a ride and keep her and the rest of the family as far away from this as possible.”

“You think they’re gonna ambush you at the airport?”

“Hope for the best,” Shay started.

“Prepare for the worst,” they finished together.

“This one is hitting you hard isn’t it?”

“It is. Actually, I was kind of hoping I could stay at your place tonight. I need to shake this off Nik, and I don’t know if I can do it alone.”

“Mi casa es su casa, sweetheart. How about we swing by la Cuchero’s on the way back and pick up a pitcher of margaritas and a Nacho Nirvana?” 

Shay swallowed the lump in her throat. “You’re the best Nikki. I am so goddamn lucky to have you. You, and my boys, and-”

“Oh shit it  _ is _ bad isn’t it?”

“What?”

“You’re doing that thing you do when you get scared. Lining up all the good things in your life like armor that will keep you from getting hurt.”

“I thought gratitude was supposed to be a good thing.”

“It’s an avoidance technique and you know it.”

“All right, fine.” Shay let out a heavy exhale. “How ‘bout you just let me keep that armor on until I get home?”

*****

Jensen goggled at the sight before him. The bar was packed, and everywhere his eyes landed he saw someone he knew. No wonder Jared had overridden his objections to coming out tonight. This must have taken months of planning. It was as elaborate as anything Dani had ever put together. His heart plummeted. Dani had loved birthday parties. It was like a game to create a new one each year just as big and festive as the last. She would have adored this. Had she somehow started planning this, even before…? 

He turned to Jared, “Did you do this?” he half yelled over the music.

Jared shook his shaggy head in response. “Mostly Gen. She’s been putting it together ever since the new year.”

Jensen bent down to Gen’s ear. “You did this? For me? From start to finish?” There was something flickering inside him that was boy joy and pain at the idea that this was Dani’s last gift to him.

Gen nodded solemnly, her eyes wide with hope. “Is it okay?”

Pain flared, but he wrapped Gen in his arms anyway, careful of her pregnant belly. “It’s wonderful Gen. Absolutely wonderful. You did her proud.” Keeping one of his arms around her, the other shoulder to shoulder with Jared, they moved out onto the main floor. 

Someone had found a microphone and announced their arrival.“Ladies and gentlemen, our guest of honor has arrived! Give it up for Mr. Jensen Ackles!” They were immediately swarmed by people turning, surging towards him. 

Everyone was laughing, wanting to hug him and wish him a happy birthday. No matter their good intentions, he felt mobbed, like the walls were closing in on him. Jared and Gen had been lost among the well wishers, and he felt himself pushed along as if by the tide. Looking around in a near panic, he saw that he was near the hall that led to the bathrooms. He slid sideways, made it to the safety of the men’s room and locked the door behind him.

He panted, hands on the wall, eyes closed, willing himself to calm down. The sound of water behind him made him jump. He cursed himself silently. It _ was _ a bathroom after all. A young man wearing the club’s wait staff uniform was drying his hands when he turned around.

“Hey,” he said to the kid, moving out of his way, “you know Jared? Tall guy, long hair, one of the owners?”

“Yeah, I know who he is,” he replied warily.

Jensen paused. Was he really going to do this? The pulse jackhammering at his neck said he was. “I need you to go find him, tell him I’m back here.”

The wait after the kid left was indeterminable. His panic receded, only to be replaced with a white hot fury. Birthday parties were Daneel’s thing. _ She _ should have been the one who had planned tonight. _ She _ should have been the one at his side when the crowd moved in. _ She _ would have stayed with him, she wouldn’t have let herself get swept away, leaving him all alone…. Rage poured out of him, over and over, until he was empty. Dazed, he looked down at his aching hands. They were reddened, blood leaking over the knuckles. He moved to the sink and lowered his hands carefully into the running water. It stung, but it helped to center him. 

“Jensen? Hey, it’s me Jared. Open up the door.”

When Jared entered his eyes went immediately to Jensen’s hands.

“Oh shit.” His hand was in front of his mouth, but Jensen thought he heard him continue, “She warned me about this.”

“It’s not so bad really,” Jensen told him. “The calluses I’ve built up at Mickey’s helped. The blood’s just oozing around them. I’ll, uh, I’ll cover the cost of the wall.” He indicated the hole in the drywall.

“Dude, I am so not worried about that.” Jared looked him over with concern. “Do you want to get out of here? I can take us out the back way, no one will even see us.”

Jensen's heart overflowed at his friend’s words. Jared meant it. No matter how much time and money he and Gen had invested into this party, if it was making him unhappy they’d both walk away without a moment’s notice.

“No. I’ve got it out of my system now. Let’s just- let’s just try not to cause another stampede.”

“Already got that covered. Jason's got a, well a thing, so people will be watching that, and the bar’s gonna start putting out food while it's going on so we'll keep the attention divided.”

He nodded his approval and they headed out. Jared shot off two texts before leading him to the short end of the bar. Jared stood with him while he ordered and received his drink. He realized why Jared had picked this spot over a more secluded location when his friend Jason Manns appeared on the stage platform, directly in his line of sight. 

“Hello? How are you all doing tonight?” Jason received a big cheer from the audience. “As you all know, we are all here tonight to celebrate Jensen’s birthday. Personally, I cannot overstate the positive impact knowing Jensen has had on my life. And I’m not exaggerating when I say that millions of people, all around the world have been affected by his work in television. We, lucky bastards that we are, know Jensen personally, and ah” he shielded his eyes against the spotlight, but was unable to find him, “wherever you are buddy, just want to let you know that we love you.” A roar went up in the bar. “But we’re not the only ones! There are lots of people who would have loved to be here tonight, but for one reason or another couldn’t make it down to Austin. And while I and a couple of other people can’t wait to get up here and rock it out for Jensen, before we do that, I want to turn the stage over to some other people who wanted to show their love in, uh, their own unique way.”

Jensen felt a few people crowding around him and started to stiffen, but when he looked up he saw his family. His brother and sister with their spouses, and his parents took turns hugging him. 

“Gen got a babysitter for all the kiddos so we could come,” his dad spoke in his ear, “I’m so glad they did. I wouldn’t want to miss this.”

Just then the lights dimmed and the giant screen behind the bandstand flickered to life. It showed old timey film edges before turning into the blue sky and white cloud wallpaper from Toy Story, complete with the movie’s logo. Misha’s head and torso appeared, obviously superimposed, and he pretended to run into the Toy Story logo and proceeded to push it out of the picture. 

“Ah, there! Hello everyone! My name is Misha Collins, and I have the good fortune to work with Jensen on his show Supernatural. I also have a little scavenger hunt thing I do on the side. So here is a little birthday treat for my dear, beloved friend Jensen from me, and about 10,000 other Gishers who absolutely love you.” With a flourish the Gish logo appeared and You’ve Got a Friend in Me began playing. Misha began the song, but the video quickly cut to Gishwhes teams performing it in the most outlandish ways they could conceive. Jensen laughed along with everyone else seeing groups sing while standing on their heads, dressed as their favorite muppets, posing on top of firetrucks, and on and on. As the song drew to a close he recognized the Gishswhes offices and workers and finally just Misha himself. After he finished the song, he kissed the camera, said, “Love ya bud.”

The video changed bringing up his friend Billy playing guitar and singing One Call Away. Jensen was starting to sense a theme. He was so glad he hadn’t left. He accepted good wishes from people as they came by to get a drink, and heard people in the crowd begin to sing along with the video.

The next video was a song he had heard, but he didn’t really know. It didn’t matter. He grinned to see so many of the show’s guest stars singing little parts of the song. The song was upbeat, but his anticipation to see who’s face would come next was even more exciting. Jason sidled up while Felicia Day counted on her fingers on screen. 

“You like?”

“Yeah! What is this song?”

“Count on Me. Bruno Mars.”

“It’s awesome. How on earth did you get so many people involved?”

Jason shrugged. “It wasn’t hard. Everybody I talked to wanted in. I had originally thought to give it to you for Christmas, but I couldn’t get it together.” He handed Jensen a disc case. “There’s only a handful of videos, but there’s a full album of songs. There’s a lot of people that love you brother.”

Jensen slid the case into his pocket and reached out to hug Jason. “I love this. Thank you man.” He turned back and shook his head in disbelief at Timothy Omundson on screen. The song ended to cheers from the audience. 

The next image on the screen was black and white, a pair of hands on a piano keyboard. Jensen recognized the introductory chords to Have a Little Faith in Me. When a woman’s hands joined in, he turned to look at Jason. 

“Brianna?” he mouthed. Jason and Brianna were recording the song for her first album, but they were both here. He would have thought they would want to do it live. Jason merely raised his eyebrows and pointed back to the screen. As soon as the woman started singing, Jensen knew it wasn’t Brianna. This voice was higher, and a little bit breathier. This voice belonged to Shay. The video confirmed it almost as soon as he thought it, showing her and Jason sitting at the piano going back and forth with the lyrics. When the second verse started, it showed Shay in a sound booth, her intensity and her improv surprising him. And when her eyes looked directly into the camera for a moment he felt his breath catch. 

“Yeah, she’s great isn’t she?” He was confused for a second, until he realized Jason was speaking to his mom and not himself. 

“I didn’t even know she could sing,” he heard his mom reply.

“I could tell she was really nervous when I asked her,” Jason confided, “but once she was in, she was in. We spent six hours yesterday getting this down.”

Shock tore Jensen’s eyes from the screen. “Yesterday?”

Jason nodded, and then motioned to the screen with his chin. Jensen looked up and saw Shay reaching across the piano to scratch out something on the sheet music and then write something else in. He listened but he couldn’t tell if the words had been changed. He was about to ask when he saw Shay make a motion with her hand on screen indicating a going up on a musical scale. Sure enough when Jason took the next chorus he heard a high note floating above that turned into a breathy jazzy withdrawal to end the song.

He stood lost in the moment and startled when the wail of an electric guitar cut the air. The next video had started.

“Well better get going, we're up next. You wanna come up tonight?” Jason clapped him on the shoulder.

He hesitated before answering “I ah, yeah of course I do.” Might as well put in a good performance after so many people had worked so hard to give him this night.

The last video was hilarious, the entire crew of the show Supernatural imitating the theme song from Friends. They couldn't sing, their dancing was atrocious, and they couldn't get their umbrellas to open simultaneously no matter how many times they tried. Before the video was over he was laughing so hard he had to wipe away tears. If you had to cry on your birthday, this was the way to do it.

  
  
  
  
  
  



	23. April 3, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time Jensen and Shay speak since his hasty departure from Vancouver.

Jensen picked up his phone and stared at it. “Fuck man, just do it already,” he mumbled aloud to himself. After he hit the dial button he waited anxiously. It wasn’t as if this was the first time he’d contacted Shay. About a week after she’d left Vancouver he’d received a Batman comic over text with the simple message ‘made me laugh’. Once he sent something back, they’d begun to exchange more funny pictures, text messages, and even videos of things going on around them, but this was the first time he had attempted a phone call, let alone a live chat. 

Her face appeared on screen, but she wasn’t looking directly at him. He took a moment just to look at her before saying, “Hey you.”

“Hey!” She glanced over at the phone. “Uh-oh, you look bothered.”

“Like hot and bothered?”

She chuckled. “Always hot. But no, I meant you look like something’s bugging you.”

“Yeah. You’re in the car. Where are you headed?”

“The boys' school. They’ve got a - not the point. What’s going on?”

“Um if you’re busy I can call another time…”

“Well, I’ve got about fifteen minutes until I get there. But I’m all yours until then.”

“Oh. Uh- well this weekend we’re all going down to do the con in Seattle. It’s gonna be the first one for me since…..since Dani died.”

“Yeah? How’re you feeling about it?”

“I, ah, nervous honestly. I swore to myself that after six months I’d go back to doing cons, but now….”

“You know you don’t have to, right? Even if that means breaking a contract or whatever, it’s still your choice. And it’s okay if you don’t want to.”

“I do want to. Sort of. I need to. I just…” he trailed off, stumped how to make the transition.

"Just what?”

“I was talking about it with Brian, and he asked if I had somebody coming to support me, and I just kept thinking….”

“You kept thinking what?”

“I kept thinking I would feel so much better about all of it if you were gonna be there.” His words spilled out so fast he barely understood them himself.

“You want me in Seattle?” Silence stretched between them as he tried to form words. “Jensen, is that what you’re saying?”

“Yeah.” The word was more breath than sound. “I know it’s a ridiculous ask, I should have- I keep wishing I’d thought of it sooner. I could’ve invited you properly, maybe gotten Creation to get you on a panel so you’d have a reason to be there…”

“Hey, hey slow down.” He saw a small smile on her face. “I don’t need a reason. I’ll have to make some calls, see about making some arrangements, but it might be doable.”

“Are you serious?”

“Well, I can’t make any promises, but yeah, I think so.”

His exhale was so loud he heard it reverberate through the phone.

“I.. Shay, I...thank you.”

“Of course. I gotta hop out here in a second, but I’ll text you as soon as I know something.”

They signed off, and he sat for a minute unwinding. ‘Of course’, she had said. Like it was nothing. 


	24. April 7, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shay and Jensen meet in Seattle

When Jensen got the message that Shay was five minutes out from the hotel he left his room and headed for the entrance. He was there when her car pulled up a few minutes later. After exiting the car she turned and her whole face lit up as she saw him.

“Hey you,” she said as she enveloped him in a hug so quick it was little more than impressions. Smiles, softness, and an addictively warm, fresh scent.

“Hey yourself. So, uh- if you’re up for it, one of Jason’s buddies is in this great up and coming indie band that is playing locally tonight. If we leave now, we can still make it.” He saw the moment she caught his enthusiasm.

“Sure, sounds like fun.”

*****

It was fun. The place they went to not only had music, but food and drinks and even some old fashioned arcade games and skee ball. But for him the best part of the night was the music - the feeling of being swept away by it, riding the energy with the rest of the crowd, becoming something larger than one individual could be. He was still riding the feeling of it as they left, and was happy to see a smile on Shay’s face too.

“Did you like it?” he asked, even though he had a pretty good idea.

“Yeah, they were great! I think my ears might be ringing a little bit though.”

“Do you mind if we walk?”

“Not at all. I’m still so hot, the night air feels great.”

He shoved his hands in his pockets and strolled down a main street. The chill of the night was nice after the crowded and overly warm bar. There were no stars visible through Seattle’s near permanent cloud cover, but still a nice night. It felt good to forget his problems for a little while and just enjoy. Of course all his problems were still there, and time was running out.

“Hey Jensen, slow down!” Shay tugged at his arm, “What happened? You were strolling along, relaxed and happy, and then you weren’t.”

“Sorry, I was just thinking about JJ.”

“Is she okay?”

“Yeah, yeah she’s fine. My parents said they would still keep her for con weekends, but…”

“But what?”

“But I’m her father. I need to be there for her.”

“Nothing wrong with a weekend at the grandparents. Personally, my sanity depends on them.”

“I’m not talking about a weekend, I’m talking about for good. But that means I have to leave the show.”

“Woah,” she tugged on his arm again, and this time didn’t let go. “I didn’t know you were considering that.”

“I’m not. It’s done. Except when I went to tell the executives that, they asked me to take another month before making it official.” He allowed her to keep hold of his arm, but started walking again, albeit slower than before. “I don’t know why they’re waiting. Jared and I always agreed we’d go out together. Without us there’s no show. They ought to be telling the crew so they can be lining up new work.”

“Jay, I’ve met your crew. They’re fantastic. And they’ve been with you all forever, so they must have a good track record. Jobs’ll come easy.” They walked on for another few minutes. “Jensen, why do you have to leave the show?”

“Because. JJ needs me.”

“Yeah, she does. And?”

“And I can’t work in Vancouver and just come home to her on the weekends!”

“I agree. But I don’t see why she can’t live with you in Vancouver. Unless there’s some rare Canada allergy I’m not aware of?” The corners of her mouth turned up a little.

“She’s been through enough. I can’t just uproot her from her school and her friends and all the people that love her. The doctors said she needs continuity, consistency.”

“Yeah, I guess that makes sense.”

They entered a park and she shivered as they passed under the trees, casting shadows even in the night. He took off his jacket and draped it over her shoulders. 

“Thank you. You know what I was just thinking about?”

He shook his head.

“My dad. Have I ever told you about him?”

“Not really. Your parents are in the business right? That’s how you got started so young?”

“Yeah. He’s a make-up and prosthetics guy. Loved doing all the horror films in the 80’s. I grew up with some pretty freaky masks and stuff around the house sometimes.” She flashed a smile. “But that’s not really what I remember most about his work from when I was a kid. What I remember is that if he went too long without a project, he faded. He was still there, he was still my dad, but it was like the difference between pastels and technicolor. Even if it meant that he worked crazy hours, or had to leave sometimes to go on location it was always worth it to have that vibrant version when I could. He was just so much more alive.”

He stopped walking, suddenly angry. “So you’re telling me it’s Hollywood or bust?”

She studied his face. “No. I just- I know how easy it can be to try to do what’s best for those you love and wind up losing part of yourself in the process.” She stepped closer placing her hands lightly against the middle of his chest. “I’d hate to see that happen to you, that’s all.”

“Besides,” she said backing up and shoving his arm with just enough force to rock his stance, “you know what I don’t remember from when I was a kid?” she started moving up a hill, beyond which there were lights and music playing. He was forced to move just to stay in her hearing range.

“What?’

“Who I went to school with when I was four years old.” She sent him a sly smile. “We could walk through a reunion of them right now, and I wouldn’t recognize a soul.”

“Well you might just get your wish,” he said striving to match her lighter tone, “it sounds like there’s a party.” They reached the crest of the hill which dropped off steeply to reveal a valley complete with a gazebo decorated in silver and white.

“Oh! How pretty!”

“Looks like a wedding.” He took her by the arm and guided her to a path on the right. “We should go this way so we don’t intrude.”

They began to wind their way along the path that traced around the mouth of the valley when she suddenly stopped. Gripping his arm, she pointed at a large bunch of balloons.

“It's not a wedding. It's a twenty-fifth anniversary. That's even better.” Her eyes sparkled and a genuine smile crossed her face.

“You’re amazing, you know that?”

“What?” her face turned up to him in wonder.

“You. Getting all excited about someone else's wedding anniversary.”

She looked back over at the party. “It's a celebration of life. That doesn’t happen enough. People are great at celebrating the beginning of things, mourning the end, but sometimes we forget to cherish the time in between.” Her eyes were dreamy, “Besides, I love found moments. It’s like the universe dropping a gift at your feet. You can never plan for them, you just have to appreciate them as they come.”

Something about her words tugged at his insides. When she looked back at him, the lights from the party below sparkled in her eyes. Cupping her face in both of his hands, he ran his thumbs over the silken skin of her cheeks. He brushed his lips at the corner of her mouth. He skimmed the curves of her upper lip, and felt her hands gripping and releasing his shirt like a kitten testing it’s claws. Coasting over the fullness of her lower lip he felt it give slightly, welcoming him in. He pulled away, resting his forehead on hers until he was under control again. 

Stepping back, he forced himself to shove his thumbs in the pockets of his jeans. He had forgotten for a moment that he had promised himself not to touch her. At the very least, she deserved to know what she was about to walk into. He glanced over and saw that she was walking slightly slower than he was, her eyes trained on the ground. He decided it was time to speak.

“I need to come clean about something.”

“Okay.”

“The hotel is hosting more than one conference this weekend.”

She nodded slowly, clearly not guessing where he was headed. 

“So they’re completely booked up. I wasn’t able to get you a room.”

“Oh,” taken aback, he could see thoughts flying across her face.

“I should have looked around at other hotels, but to be honest I didn’t worry that much about it.” He winced before the words had even finished leaving his mouth. “Shit, that sounded terrible. What I meant to say was my room is a suite and I just figured I could offer you the bed and I’d sleep on the couch. But when I checked in earlier, well, the couch is-”

“Small?”

“More like a glorified bench.” There was an awkward silence “I thought about asking the female cast if any of them had a room with doubles, but you haven’t even met most of them. I mean, I will if you want me to. They’re all really nice, I’m sure you’d get along great with any- are you  _ laughing _ at me?”

A giggle erupted before she managed to clap a hand over her mouth. 

“You are! I’m standing here afraid you’re going to think I’m the world’s most presumptive asshole because I went from respectable first kiss to bed sharing in under a minute and you’re laughing in my face!”

“I’m just imagining,” she said, still a little breathless, “walking into the lobby and announcing that there’s a bed shortage and that someone is going to have to double up with Mr. Jensen Ackles.”

“You wouldn’t fucking dare.” his voice was a growl as he lunged playfully for her.

“No I wouldn’t.” she skipped back out of his reach and laughed again, “‘Cause we’d both be killed in the stampede.”


	25. April 8, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A snippet in the middle of the night.

Shay woke fighting for a lungful of the chilled air around her. Clutching the edge of the mattress she panted a few times trying to regulate her breathing. Finally managing a full breath, she rubbed her face against the pillow only to find it damp. Ugh, her clothes were damp as well, and her skin tacky with sweat even as goose bumps formed along her limbs. 

"Hey you okay?"

Shit. Jensen. She'd forgotten he was here. Forgotten where here was in the aftermath of the nightmare. Pushing up she swung her legs down to the floor, feeling the chill even more as she left the blankets behind.

"Yeah, just a bad dream. I'll be right back." She grabbed her duffle, grateful that it was on the way to the bathroom.

Her body fought shivers once the tile was under bare feet. Grabbing two towels, she dropped one on the floor and used the other to roughly wipe the remnants of the nightmare off her skin.

Pawing through her bag, she sighed when she realized her only other option was a sleep shirt. After buttoning it up, she looked in the mirror. It covered the top half of her thighs, but if she’d known she was going to be sharing a room she would have brought something with pants. But at least it had long sleeves. That and the fuzzy socks she had packed would go a long way toward warming her sooner. Turning off the light and exiting the bathroom, she found herself completely engulfed in darkness

Stumbling out into the darkened room she somehow managed to walk straight into a low table. She was nearly successful at muffling her curse, but helpless to quiet the thud that resulted from dropping her duffle.

“Man, you are having a bad night aren’t you?” Jensen’s sleep roughened voice rumbled in the darkness. She heard the shifting of fabric, footsteps, and then felt his hand come to rest on her back.

“It’s not a bad night, it’s just a bad ten minutes,” she answered by rote. 

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Come on, let’s see if we can save those toes.” Taking her hand he led her to the other side of the bed, and slid in, tugging at her to follow. Her momentary thought of protest died when she felt the warmth of the sheets under her hand. Clamoring under the blanket she reveled in Jensen’s residual body heat and scent. Both increased as he snaked his arm across her midsection and easily shifted her so that the back of her body loosely fit to the front of his. 

“Was it the one where something is after the boys?”

She had forgotten he knew about the nightmares. One of his late night phone calls had interrupted it once and he had been unprepared for her to breathlessly thank him for waking her. 

She nodded.

“How does it take them?”

Despite being toasty warm, she shuddered involuntarily.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me,” his voice was understanding as his fingers raked through her still damp hair. 

“I don't _ know _," she said with frustration and despair. “There's nothing that I can see, nothing I can fight. I just know it's there, waiting. And I can’t do a damn thing to stop it.”

He gave her a little squeeze. “That sounds intense. You told me you usually go look in on them. Do you need to see them? Maybe a picture or a video chat from your parents?”

“No. No, it’s just a dream. I don’t want to wake everyone. I’m sorry I woke you.”

“I’m not.” Shay heard his murmur as she slid back toward sleep, “I’m not sorry at all.”


	26. April 8, 2017 pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A false start, the first day of the con, and Shay finally (finally!) brings some heat.

Something was tickling his face. His hands didn’t move when he thought to brush it away, but he was too happy to care. Nuzzling, he pulled in the warm, sweet smell of home and tightened his arms, snugging their bodies even closer together. He heard a small ‘hmm’ sound and the flesh beneath his hand raised with a deep inhale. 

Coming more awake, he flexed his hands trying to assess the situation. That’s right, he had fallen asleep spooning Shay after her nightmare. But this, this was more than spooning. He was fucking  _ entwined _ . His nose and lips pressed to her neck, explaining what had woken him. Her head was pillowed on his right bicep, and that hand had worked under her nightshirt, molding a bare breast. His left arm wrapped around her waist and his hand cupping her sex over a thin layer of cotton. 

His body had obviously known his position long before his mind caught up. His cock was hard and unconsciously thrusting against the curve of her ass. He bit back a groan as he fought to still his movements, and discovered not all the movement was on his part. Shay’s hips were flexing as well, and he could even feel tiny muscles at the apex of her thighs pulsing, holding his hand tight against her mound. He pulled his hand away, unable to contain the groan when her hips bucked, trying to follow. Sliding his other hand off of her breast he urged her to shift onto her back.

“Are you awake?” he breathed into her ear.

“Hmm,” her sound of approval was matched by the faint curve of her lips.

Dragging his lips along the curve of her ear, “Is this what you want?” he let his free hand smooth down her neck and over her collarbone. 

Both her hum of approval and her smile were more emphatic than before, but it still wasn’t enough.

“Give me the words baby. I need to know… be sure...”

Her eyes fluttered open. She brought one hand to his face, caressed his cheek, and then pulled him down so his ear hovered over her lips.

“Want you Jay.” She nipped his earlobe, sending him into overdrive before suckling the pain away immediately. “Wanted you for so long.”

Thought fled and he was kissing her hard, pulling her in as tightly as he could. When she pulled him atop her, he pressed both knees between her legs, feeling her urgency. Spreading her legs wide he settled his aching cock against her core, the heat blissful even with the layers of cotton in the way. The friction of the move set something loose in Shay. She bowed up, her head thrown back, the tendons of her neck outlined clearly for him to graze with his teeth and lips. Another slow, useless thrust brought pitiful noises from her throat as he continued to kiss his way down, tugging the sleepshirt with him until a nipple came into view. He laved it with gentle pressure and was rewarded by fingernails scraping through his hair and pulling him toward her forcefully, demanding more. Encircling the entire nipple with his lips, he sucked hard and heard her moan out in pleasure. The sound spurred him to thrust faster and he felt the moisture that had seeped through both her underwear and his.

Bang! Bang! Bang! The noise caused them both to jump. 

“Jensen! You missed breakfast man! We got photo ops in 15 minutes.” Jared’s voice called through the door. A pause. “Come on buddy, answer me so I know you’re up. Don’t make me come in there and drag you outta bed.”  
“Fuck!” The word exploded out of Jensen louder than he had intended. “I’m up okay? Just leave me alone!” he yelled back at the door.

“I bought coffee,” Jared sing-songed in return.

The huff that came from Shay was half pained, half amused. “Just go,” she whispered covering her face, “before he wakes up the whole damn floor.”

Slinking to the door, he cracked it open to Jared’s grin. His friend’s eyes scanned what he could of the hotel room as he passed over the coffee.

“What are you doing?” Jensen asked, fighting the instinct to turn and make sure nothing of Shay’s was visible.

“Just wondering if I should have brought two cups,” Jared smirked, “thought I heard some pretty interesting noises right before I knocked.”

Jensen’s halfhearted “Fuck you,” and door slam were met with laughter from the hallway.

“Fifteen minutes!” he called in farewell.

He returned to find Shay leaning against the wall that had obscured her from Jared’s prying eyes. She held a rueful smile on her face even as her cheeks flared with color.

“I am so sorry,” he started.

“Don’t be.” She took a deep breath, her eyes trained on the floor. “It’s probably better this way.”

“What do you mean?” If she had changed her mind, someone was gonna die. Probably him. Definitely Jared.

“If you’re gonna get interrupted, better the previews than the main event right?” Her smile kicked up a notch, but she still wasn’t making eye contact. 

He moved in closer, stepping into her gaze. “Why won’t you look at me?”

“I-” her eyes drank in his face greedily before she turned and pressed one burning cheek to his shoulder. “Because if I do you’re definitely going to be late. And I came here to help you with this con, not be another reason for you to skip it.”

Relief flooded into him even as the breath he was holding rushed out. 

“Okay. But that main event ...later?”

“Later,” she promised.

*****

Arms and legs trembling, Shay let herself roll to her back. Panting up at the ceiling, she finally conceded. She could take no more. She let her eyes drift closed, still breathing heavily. Not the way she wanted to get her legs shaking, but it’d do, she thought to herself, wincing as she pushed into an upright position and sanitized the equipment she had used in the hotel’s fitness center. 

Checking her watch she realized she had been there for nearly an hour. She headed back to the room to get cleaned up. Perhaps it had been cowardly of her to dash downstairs while Jensen was in the shower, but it had seemed easiest. He hadn’t taken any clothes with him when he went into the bathroom and she was NOT going to sit and gawk when he came out in a towel. 

Letting herself into the room, she stepped into the bathroom to start the shower. The scent of Jensen’s cologne hit her like a physical force. Heat pooled between her thighs and she thought she could actually feel her sex swell in arousal. The physical exertion from the workout had not diminished her desire, only superseded it for a little while. Stripping out of her workout gear, she placed her toiletries in the corner of the tub before getting in. 

She ignored those feelings while she shampooed and conditioned her hair. She thought the fresh smell of her products would cut through the earthy, woody scent of the cologne, but she was wrong. It hadn’t even made a dent. If anything the heat from the shower seemed to intensify the smell. It wrapped around her, sensitizing her skin as she washed. When she reached the juncture of her thighs her hand started moving in a familiar rhythm. In no time she had one hand bracing on the wall and was cumming into her other hand, harsh breaths echoing in the small room. 

“Oh shit,” she moaned into her supporting arm as she realized that her climax had given her release, but no real relief. Her body was ready for round two pronto. “I don’t have time for this.” She savagely twisted the shower handle and yelped when the water switched abruptly to cold. Forcing herself to stand there until she shivered, she nearly laughed out loud when she found herself thinking that no matter which route Jensen had taken to get ready for his photo ops, she had now followed directly in his footsteps.

*****

They were finishing out the second hour of photo ops when Jensen and Jared got a bit of a breather. As usual for the group photos, the fans had brought tons of props that made the pictures way more fun, but also gave people a little more time to talk to the guys. Normally that was fine, but today would have preferred the kind where he sat in a chair and had each person come up for the time it took to smile for a photo and be on their way. A commotion went up in the hallway and strengthened as the door opened

“Time for the three way?”

“Sounds like. Misha’s probably giving them all high fives or something.”

“Or voting stickers.” The sound of Misha’s whoop was clear even over all the noise the fans in the room were making about his entrance.

“What’s that about?” Before he could finish the question a laugh floated through the room telling him that Shay had arrived.

“Can you see who he’s talking to?” Jared questioned.

“No, he’s right behind the lighting umbrellas," he replied, playing dumb.

Seconds later Misha appeared, Shay tucked under his arm, her face still lit with laughter. Jared rushed toward them scooping Shay up and twirling her around.

“What the hell are you doing here girl?” He carried her over to Jensen and settled her back on her feet.

“I was in town to visit a friend, and when I found out about the convention I had to check it out.” She turned to him, keeping her smile exactly the same and leaned in for a hug. He grasped her in return and pressed his cheek briefly to her hair. 

The photographer stepped forward. “Ms. Martin, Bill Meyers. Saw 

the show this week, and I gotta say, you nailed it. If you’ve got a second I’d love to do the whole love triangle thing you all were playing on the show.”

“Oh, that’d be fantastic. Thank you.”

They begin with a pose of Shay standing between them. She turns to Jared and they both smile, their eyes full of warmth and that little sparkle that might be more. On his side, Jensen wraps his hand around her upper arm, keeping his fingers apart to make it easy for the camera to see them digging in. He makes his face hard, distrustful. When she turns to him, he looks over and sees Jared has looped her hand through his arm, covering it with his other hand and is still looking at her fondly. Jensen keeps his jaw hard, letting lust blaze through his eyes as he reaches up to cup her cheek. In response he sees desire take over her face even as she leans her upper body back slightly, expressing her uncertainty. 

“I love it. Okay, move around a little bit, let’s get everybody in profile.”

They slip into a pose more along the lines of his soap opera days, Shay looking up into his face, but keeping a tiny bit of distance by placing a hand on his chest, while Jared lined his body up flush with hers, his gaze directed at the broad hand he had flexed against her outer thigh.

“Oh yeah, now give it to me full Vampire Diaries. Keep the pose but everybody put eyes on the camera,” Bill directed. “Beautiful, beautiful.”

“Come on, there’s got to be some way I can get in on this,” Misha whined.

They shuffled, Jared automatically taking a spot behind Shay, wrapping one arm around her, his large hand covering her from waistband to just under her breasts. Jensen moves in on her left side, draping her hair around the other shoulder, and pulling the loose fitting wrap and the straps beneath off that shoulder leaving it bare. Straddling her leg he leans in, nudging her ear with his nose and lips until she tilts her head away in surrender. Misha comes in from the right, taking her hand pulling it up to his cheek and touches his lips to the inner side of her wrist.

“Gorgeous,” Bill called. Shay, give me eyes, chin angles, yup and inhale. Got it. That’s the shot right there. Can’t make ‘em hate you anymore than that.”

A call came from someone waiting in line. “Mr photographer man, I want that pose.”

“That’s it, I’m claiming it. It’s called the Martin, and you guys are gonna be doin’ it all day.” Shay’s chuckle turned into a shriek and he realized Jared was taking advantage of his hands on her ribcage to tickle her mercilessly. Making eye contact with Misha they both dove in as well, and he heard the click of the camera as Shay writhed in laughter.

*****

Shay sat in the greenroom happily chatting with Brianna and Rob about music. Brianna had introduced her to Rob when he recognized her from the video shown at Jensen’s birthday party.

The door connecting the greenroom to the photo op room slammed open as Jensen stormed in. He stopped midway into the room and searched for another door furiously. Not finding one he stomped to the farthest table and slammed his hands down on it. Jared whisked past her, nearly making her miss the sight of Jensen pulling something out of his pockets balling it up and throwing it at the wall with full force. Jared approached and flinched at Jensen's growl.

“Don't. Just don't. Not right now man.”

Jared turned back looking wounded. Shay was already at her feet, and went to Jared, wrapping her arms around him. He held on to her for long minutes. When he eased back she patted her hand over his heart and started past him. He caught her arm.

“You heard him,” he murmured.

Shay smiled and touched his cheek, “Jared, why do you think I’m in Seattle?” she asked softly.

His face crinkled in confusion. “To visit your friend.”

Shay nodded and then looked pointedly at Jensen’s back.

“ _ Jensen _ is your friend.”

“You’re all my friends. But yeah, one in particular asked me to be here. So let me be here.” Smiling gently she moved past him.

Jensen was sitting now, his forehead propped in one hand, elbow on the table. Approaching on the other side she gently leaned her hip against his shoulder. When he didn’t object, she put a hand on his neck and gently scratched through the short hair at the nape of his neck. She continued wordlessly until she saw a deep shuddering breath work its way through him. 

Moving her hand lower she squeezed his neck a few times and then shifted to stand behind him beginning to work his neck with two hands. After a minute Jensen straightened off of the table, and sank back in the chair, resting his head back into her midsection. She transferred her attention to his shoulders and continued kneading until she felt him release some of the tension that had been holding them tight. She gave him another minute before letting her hand drift lower, to settle over his heart and gave it a light pat, much as she had done with Jared. Jensen reached up, squeezed her hand and kissed the back of it briefly. Then he stood, returned to Jared, clapping him on the back and headed back out the door without a word to anyone.

“What in the hell was that?” 

Shay had missed Brianna crossing the room and was surprised to find the other woman beside her. “I honestly don’t know,” she replied. Her eyes snagged on a scrap of paper near her foot, and she bent to pick it up. She unfolded it and smoothed it onto the table as if the four numbers on it would help explain what had just happened. Brianna moved around the table and was picking up something, or many somethings off the floor near the wall.

“No. Oh no, poor Jensen,” Briana crooned.

“What is it?” Rob had joined them around the table. Brianna started laying out other pieces of paper. Some were scraps like the one Shay had found, but several were notes with the hotel’s logo. It was the sight of one of these with the name Mya and another four digit number that cemented the idea in Shay’s brain.

“Room numbers. People must have been pushing them into his hand one at a time when they came up to take pictures or get autographs. And he just kept shoving them into his pockets until he couldn’t take it anymore. Jesus, there must be a dozen of them.” 

“More.” Rob bent to pick up more papers that Brianna had missed. He unfolded one that was an entire 8x11 sheet of paper. “That’s,” he turned the paper horizontally and looked at it. “Fuck. That’s not even sexy. It’s just disturbing.” He crumpled the paper up and tossed it into a nearby trash can.

“They’re all disturbing.” Brianna angrily picked up one, and tore it in half. “ They’re rude,” she tore another, “and disrespectful, and- and-.” she continued ripping notes even as she ran out of words. 

“Vulgar,” Shay suggested ripping one as well, “presumptuous.” 

“They’re fucking insulting is what they are,” Brianna finished on a huff. They all gathered the ragged pieces of paper and put them in the trash. They stood awkwardly for a moment and then the door opened and two servers came in with carts of food.

“Well, before we eat, I think I’m going to go wash my hands,” Shay threw a grim smile at the other two, “twice.”

*****

As soon as the elevator doors closed Jensen sagged against the mirrored wall. The panel had been brutal. He knew the convention organizers had instructed the audience not to bring up Daneel or her passing, but several comments and condolences had been made at the beginning of the question and answer section anyway. The whole day had been the longest, most turbulent convention day he could remember. 

“You okay there bud?”

He looked at Jared standing next to him and Shay on the opposite wall looking up at him from under her lashes. “Yeah,” he answered Jared. “Yeah, I’m okay. Thanks for doing the thing.” Jared had spoken to the audience when he had stepped off stage briefly, explaining that for him to finish the panel he needed the fans to stick to talking about the show or other questions that didn’t pertain to his personal life. 

“Sure thing,” Jared gave him a friendly punch to the arm as the elevator dinged, “See you at dinner?” At his grunt Jared exited, nodding to them both. It was a short trip to his room two floors above.

As Jensen pulled the key card from his pocket and opened the door he began, “Shay, With everything that's happened today if you've changed your mind ….”

Stepping through the door she stopped two steps in so that as he closed the door he was only inches away. She pulled him down into a firm kiss and plastered her body along the length of his. Wrapping his arms around her waist he leaned her back, taking advantage of the moment of surprise to slide his tongue into her mouth. She tasted every bit as good as he remembered. She moaned into his mouth and they stumbled into the room, their hands sliding over each other pushing off jackets, never breaking the kiss until he pulled her tank over her head. Catching sight of her ivory curves rising out of a pink flowered bra, he heaved a sigh and dropped his forehead to rest in her collar bone, his lips whispering along the top of her breast.

“Fuck, Shay you are so beautiful. I wanna do this right but I swear to God I’m afraid I might explode before I even get all the way inside you.” 

Taking his face in both her hands, she kissed him again, just enough to suck on his bottom lip before pulling away. She waited until he opened his eyes and then never breaking eye contact slowly sank to her knees.

“What are you doing?”

A wry smile crossed her face. “Making sure you explode before you get all the way inside me.”

“But I-”

“Jensen” she cut him off with only his name. She slid her hands under his shirt, mapping his ribs, his pecs by touch without ever taking her eyes from his face. “I’ve been watching you today. And all day long I saw you giving.” Her hands glided down his sternum, over his navel to the waist of his pants. “Giving your time and attention, giving genuine affection to your fans all day long.” Her thumbs were tracing out over his hips, and then slipped below his clothes to trace under the waistband. “I want to give you this. Let me.” He jerked as she brushed against the head of his cock, straining to push its way above his pants.

The movement had broken their eye contact, but when he looked back she was still watching him. Waiting. As if any man could say no to this goddess kneeling in front of him. Swallowing hard, he nodded, feeling unable to speak.

She unfastened his jeans and released the zipper, then in one smooth motion pulled both jeans and boxers down to mid-thigh. His cock was so excited to be free that it sprung out from his body smacking her in the face. He cringed, but opened his eyes when he heard her giggle. He watched as she ran her fingers up his shaft. He saw the moment she realized he exceeded the entire length of her hand, and watched her eyebrows rise as she encircled him and was barely able to make her thumb and finger meet. 

Shit, he had forgotten about this. He hadn’t been with anyone other than Daneel in years, hadn’t needed to ease a new partner’s apprehensions. But she began to rub her cheek against his hip making him twitch when her warm breath blew over him. Taking hold of his hips she pushed back gently saying only, “Sit down big guy, so I can reach you better.” He perched on the edge of the bed and she pulled his jeans and boxers down to his ankles, pushing his knees wide again so she could lean in. She raked her nails lightly up the sensitive skin of his inner thighs. “Promise me something?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he choked out.

“Let me know if I do anything you don’t like,” she touched the tip of her tongue to the base of his slit and licked a slow stripe up to the opening. “Or anything you do,” her tongue returned just under the head and licked all the way around. She took the head into her mouth, giving one slow suck while swirling her tongue around and over his tip.

He groaned. “Anything Shay. I’ll like anything you do.” Looking up at him she paused until he met her gaze with his own. She shook her head no to let him know that wasn’t good enough. “Oh God that! That was fucking awesome, okay?” The corners of her mouth ticked up and she made an ‘mm hmm’ sound around him. She slid back to the head and repeated the motion, dragging her tongue along the underside as she moved her head back and forth. She did it over and over, taking him slightly deeper each time. 

He gripped the sheets beside his hips. The tension was building fast. He wasn't sure how long he could last. One of her hands slid down, gently cupping his sac, massaging him with the barest pressure. Her other hand wrapped around his base and stroked up and down, her head bobbing in time. His balls pulled up and she must have felt it too because she reached for his hand and loosened his grip from the sheets and brought it to the back of her head. He wrapped the silk of her hair around his fingers and gloried in her moan sending vibrations through his cock.

“Oh God, you like that don’t you baby?” The noise that escaped around his cock was higher pitched this time, wilder than before.

“Fuck yeah you do. Like having my hands in your hair, hearing me call you baby.” She nodded yes, taking him deeper, swallowing around the tip..

“Shit that’s so good. Shay, I-” Unable to stop himself he began to thrust, holding her in place by her hair. He went fast and deep until he heard her start to choke. He pulled her off so she could breathe as he fisted his other hand around himself and pumped, "Wanna see myself on you." His hand became a blur until he came with a hoarse shout, painting white stripes across her pink cheeks and red lips. He slumped, unable to move, even as Shay wrapped her hands around his own, placing her open mouth under the head and pumped his fist twice more to work the last bit of cum onto her tongue. He managed to get one hand back onto the bed to hold himself up. 

“I uh, I might need a minute. Or a week,” he mumbled. Shay chuckled and caressed his inner thigh before standing up and moving away. He fell backwards onto the bed, not caring about his legs dangling off the end or his boots and jeans still pooled around his ankles. He heard her turn on the water in the bathroom sink, but then drifted to a place where he was unaware of anything until he felt her push a warm washcloth into his hand. 

He used it to clean himself up and handed it back when Shay held her hand out for it. Her other hand raked through his hair.

"Rest for a bit. We've got almost an hour before we're supposed to meet downstairs for dinner.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry about the mix up! Somehow didn't copy the whole text before I transferred it the first time.   
This is my first time publishing any real sex scenes, so if you have an opinion, let me know!


	27. April 8, 2017 pt. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What can I say? it was a long day, and an even longer night!

Shay walked through the deepening twilight, enjoying having a handsome man on either side of her. Most of the Supernatural crew had returned to the hotel earlier in order to get ready for the Saturday night concert. Only she, Jensen, and Misha had stayed at the restaurant to take care of the bill and finish off the last bottle of wine together.

“So, I guess the next time I see you we’ll be back in LA. Three weeks right?” Misha bumped her shoulder with his own. 

Shay groaned. “Don’t remind me. I’ll start getting nervous all over again. I am  _ so _ glad you’re coming down. Are you sure Vicki won’t come? You all could bring the kids, make a weekend of it.”

“Nah, Vicki hates these things.”

“Hey, I get it. That’s why I appreciate you making the trip.” She shakes her head a little sadly. “I would not want to go on my own.” She looked at Jensen, remembering his struggle to overcome shyness. “What about you? How do you stay so suave on the red carpet?”

“Oh, you know,” he arched an eyebrow wickedly, “imagine them in their underwear.”

They were still laughing when they reached the hotel. Misha waved as he headed toward the convention rooms, wanting to catch part of the show. Miraculously, no one stopped them in the lobby, and somehow they got an elevator to themselves. Stepping in behind her, Jensen nipped at the right side of her neck just below her ear. 

Shay’s breathing hitched and she unconsciously tilted her head, offering him more. She felt the scruff on his face scratch against the skin as he nosed her hair out of the way before nipping a spot that caused a small shiver to run through her. The elevator dinged and two women got on, pushing the button for the restaurant on the top floor. Shay tried to steady her breathing. Desire was still running close to the surface, and although she never looked back she would swear she could  _ feel _ his eyes on her. That intensity didn’t waver in the hallway or as they entered their room. When she started to turn back to him, he caught her arms and spun her forward again.

“Nu-uh. I wanna see if the other side works just as well.” With deliberate slowness he gathered her hair into one hand, pulled the collar of her shirt away with the other, and set his lips at her hairline.

Shay’s eyes fluttered shut and she offered a tiny nod.

“Tell me. I want to hear you. Is this side as good as the other?”

Air shuddered out of her. “Better.” She felt the scrape of his teeth at the back of her shoulder. A small moan escaped. “Oh, Jensen, you do that and I can feel it-” her words broke off.

He wrapped his arm around her, centering his large hand over her navel. “Here?” he rumbled directly behind her ear.

“Lower” her voice was a whisper.

His hand slid down, the width of it easily covering from her belly button to her pubic bone. “Here?”

She shook her head. “Lower,” she repeats.

He doesn’t ask again. Cupping his hand between her legs he begins to work at the curve of her neck and shoulder with a kiss that is equal parts lips, teeth, and tongue.

She wants to urge him on, but what came out was some inelegant, undecipherable sound. Her head lolls to the side even as her body undulates between the firm hold of his hand and the hard press of his body at her back. The hand not cradling her sex began to tug her shirt from the waist of her jeans, and she eagerly helped him pull it up over her head. He pulled her back into him, looking over her shoulder to where the edges of the areola peek over the edge of the black lace. His hands drifted up over her sides and then moulded to the lower half of her breasts. Shay felt them grow heavier under his massaging hands and when she felt the need to whimper, she covered his hands with her own, and in a deft maneuver tucked the cups of the bra in half, forcing them higher, and exposing as much flesh as possible. 

Jensen circled around to stand in front of her, his gaze fixed on her breasts. His fingertips feathered around and around the pale nipples and they pucker and darken, begging for attention. He backed up a step, then another as he pulled her along with him by the black satin straps attached to the lace now framing the bottom curve of her breasts. Finding the bed with the back of his legs he sat and tugged her up to stand between his legs, bringing her breasts right in front of his face. 

Shay's breath hitches as she watched Jensen drag his perfect full lips across her nipples, letting the wet inner lining tug at the edges. His touch, the heat of his breath has created hard little points of need. He continues to play, driving her mad and she pulls at his shirts, divesting him of all of his clothing above the waist. 

When he finally closes his lips over one nipple, her breath explodes out of her. Jensen sucks the nipple into his mouth, rolling it over his tongue and between his lips. Hating every millimeter of space between them Shay climbs onto the bed straddling him. She hears a stifled groan as she reaches down between them to fumble at his zipper.

“Oh yeah, lemme feel you,” Shay breathes in his ear. But he catches her hand and pushes her back to standing.

Coming up to join her he says, “Nuh-uh. You did that plenty this afternoon.” Cupping the back of her head he pulls her in for another long wet kiss that leaves her feeling drugged. She leans against him bonelessly, as if his hands holding her plastered to his hard chest are the only reason she's still upright.

Even as she has the thought, he turns her, laying her back on the bed. Breaking the kiss he gazed at her with eyes heavily lidded, the pupils wide with desire. “It’s your turn now.” He leaned back in to drop kisses down the front of her throat.

She crooned her approval letting her head fall back as he palmed the weight of her breasts, lifting them, massaging under and around the sides as he took as much of one as he could into his mouth, sucking deeply. Her hands carded nervously through his soft hair, growing bolder as he hummed his approval. Her fingers skated over his head, showing him what she liked by scratching her fingers over his scalp or tugging at his hair in turn.

She felt him unbutton her jeans, peeling them down her legs. She stayed still, her eyes closed, as he removed the jeans entirely stopping briefly to slip off heeled sandals that were in the way.

He pushed her knees wide, running his face up one thigh before finding her nervous fluttering hands at the apex of her thighs. He lifted her hands placing open mouth kisses at the inside of her wrists. Placing them in his hair, he kissed the triangle of black lace that matched the bra still strapped around her ribs. 

"Jensen you don't have to- oh God," she broke off as he nosed at the lace covering her clit. She felt the heat of his breath on her sex and could feel herself dampening, all but dripping from her inner lips. But when the wet of his tongue tried to prod under the elastic edge of the lace her hand tightened convulsively, yanking his hair. 

“Ow!” Jensen looked up at her in confusion.

“Sorry, sorry!” Shay sat up quickly, wrapping her arms around his neck. Thinking wildly, she says breathlessly, “I didn’t mean to hurt you, I just can’t wait anymore.” She pulled him up on top of her as she fused her mouth to his once again. Shifting her hips she finds the heat of his cock, the stiffness of his fly. She rocks against him, finding the friction she needs. 

“Fuck,” Jensens said heatedly, pulling away and pushing himself up to his knees on the bed.

Shay managed a soundless chuckle despite her arousal. “Getting there, I promise.”

He raked his hand through his hair. “No I, I meant to stop on the way back to get condoms.”

“Oh,” Shay sat up stunned that they had gotten this far without having this conversation. “They probably have them in the store downstairs,” she thinks aloud.

He launched himself off the bed, grabbing his shirt. “Gimme fifteen minutes.”

“Jensen,” she grabs the shirt before he pulls it on, “probably half the people down there are wearing shirts with your face on them.”

“Shit.”

“I'll go,” she offers. “Or we could call the concierge and ask about having them brought up.”

“Yeah,” he leaned in and kissed her hard and fast. “That’s what we’ll do.” He moved around the side of the bed, toward the phone.

“Jensen, um, are you….” Shay trailed off, not sure how to proceed.

He looks back at her. “What?”

“Well I mean, you didn't ask about me, so” she steps forward biting her lip in concern, “do you ….. have something?” 

His face turns grim in understanding. He nods slowly. “Sperm.”

The giggle that erupts out of her breaks his act and they both burst out laughing. When it dies down, she reaches out and touches his chest. “But you're okay. Healthy?”

“Yeah.” He slides a lock of her hair through his fingers. “Totally clean.”

Shay smiles shyly. “Me too. But you should probably know my birth control is only good for another, um maybe two years.”

“Two years.”

She shrugs, “Give or take.”

He grabs the nape of her neck, kissing her hard. When she pulls back, he’s smiling. “You brat.” She feels the smack of his hand on her ass. Her eyes go wide as she realizes that he actually spanked her. Her mortification is complete when she is forced to cling to him as her legs suddenly decide to turn to jello.

“Oh so is  _ that’s _ how it is?” Jensen grins down at her.

“I- I don't-” Shay is unable to finish, her chest rising and falling rapidly.

Jensen massages her ass before hooking his thumb in her thong, dragging it off. “I'm learning all kinds of new things tonight.” He scoops her up to lay her on the bed.

Trying to catch her breath, she whispers, “Me too.”

*****

Laying her on the bed, Jensen threw off the rest of his clothes, stumbling only briefly with his boots. He lay down next to her, on his side and drew her close. Kissing her, he pulled her leg up over his hip, his fingers reaching down to cup her soft pussy. Sliding one finger between the outer lips he found slick heat within. God she was so wet and ready for him. She thrust into his hold again and again, a needy sound escaping from deep in her throat. 

He wanted inside of her like he wanted air, but he forced himself to go slow. Laying on his side face to face with his partner could be tricky to get started, but it had always worked well for him in the past precisely because it put the woman in charge of how much of his cock she took in. But Shay didn’t seem to realize what he was doing, because she had hooked her calf around his back and was trying to pull him on top of her into the missionary position. 

“Damn it Shay, stop.” She jerked back at his growl like he had hit her. “No, baby, I'm sorry. I didn’t mean it like that." He dropped light kisses across her face. "But I can’t be on top. Not this time. I want you too bad to be careful, and I don’t wanna hurt you.” Her hesitant eyes rose to his face, and whatever she saw must have reassured her, because the next second she began kissing him again. She lifted herself, pushing him to his back and straddles his torso, never breaking the kiss. Then she slowly lowered down, her pussy lips opening over his shaft. A hiss escapes him at the heat that covers his sensitized skin. 

“You okay?” her voice is breathy as she glides up and down his length, coating him in slick wetness.

“Fuck yeah. Baby, you are so hot.” She slides faster and he realizes she’s catching her clit against the edge of his cockhead with every stroke. Her head falls back and he reaches up to trace the underside of her jaw down her throat and circles a nipple. “Are you gonna cum?” he asks.

Her movement stops abruptly.

“Don’t stop baby,” his voice is a groan. He grips her hips, encouraging her to start again. “Move for me.” She moves tentatively. Keeping one hand on her hip he cups her jaw with the other. “Shay please. You are so beautiful. Lemme see you let go.”

She stares at him, her eyes bright and whimpers as her clit once again catches the tip of his cock. She resumes her gliding, faster and faster, little sounds of need escaping. She reaches her peak and he feels a new release of wetness, somehow even hotter than before.

She pants for a second and impales herself before the orgasm is even over. He fists his hands in the sheets for dear life, knowing that if he takes hold of her now he’ll grip too tight, try to push too much of his cock in before she’s ready. Right now he’s only halfway inside her, but she’s so hot and her muscles are squeezing so tight he thinks he might be able to come just like this.

Then her orgasm flutters away and she lifts once, twice, and in one smooth motion sinks all the way down to the root. He throws his head back and lets out a, “Oh fuck!” 

She grinds in a slow circle, testing the fit, using her inner muscles to squeeze the whole length of him. Looking up he sees her desire drugged gaze on him, waiting for him to take control. He puts his hands back on her hips pushing her up slowly and letting her slide back down. “You good?”

She nods. “So good. So,  _ so _ good.” Her voice is barely more than a whisper. They get into a good rhythm and he watches, loving how her tits bounce on top of the bra that is still strapped around her ribs. 

He feels the sharp tingle at the base of his spine just before his balls draw up, readying to shoot the cum up his shaft. “You ready baby? You gonna cum again for me?”

“I don't know. Jensen please, I need-” she breaks off in a whimper.

“I know what you need,” he growls. He slides his thumb down so that every time she slams into him it rubs against her clit.

“Ah, yes!” she cries, “Yes, please Jensen cum with me. Please, I need you to cum.”

Letting himself move into the rhythm his body demands, continuing to brush her clit with his thumb, he feels her spasm tightening around him, milking the orgasm out of his body with her own. She collapses onto his chest and they both lay there panting for a while. Eventually he begins to run his fingers through her hair.

She stirs, “I’m sorry I must be getting heavy.” She starts to move but he holds her in place.

“No, stay here. I don’t wanna come out yet.” He feels her contract around him.

*****

Shay was nearly asleep when she felt Jensen shift next to her. 

“You know what I could go for?” He stroked a hand over her bare back.

“Hmm-mm,” she hummed snuggling in closer to his side.

“Dessert. They have this brownie a la mode with strawberries and hot fudge. How’s that sound?”

Her eyes cracked open to see him grinning. “Decadent,” she smiles back. 

“Hell yeah it does.” He bounced off the bed naked and picked up the phone to call room service. 

She lay in a happy daze for a while, and woke again when she shifted and felt a cold stickiness between her thighs. Rolling toward the bathroom she told him. “I’m gonna clean up. Be back in a bit.”

She stayed in the shower a while, letting the hot water work its magic on the slightly sore muscles of her lower back and inner thighs. She smiled to herself remembering how they got sore in the first place. As she climbed out, she heard voices from the bedroom. Must be room service. 

She took her time with her skin care routine, removing all the makeup, using specialized serums and creams on her face before putting on the body lotion. As she did most nights, she sighed a little when she came to her breasts and her belly. Motherhood was a blessing, but it sure could wreak havoc on a body. Her belly had a slight paunch that came from the rearranging of muscles and organs during pregnancy that no amount of exercise seemed able to affect. Her breasts, a mere B-cup before pregnancy and breastfeeding had swollen to a double D-cup at their fullest. They had settled into a respectable C now, but weren’t nearly as high or firm as she would have liked. And both areas were striped with iridescent looking stretch marks. 

Several people had encouraged her to go for a little nip and tuck to ‘fix’ her, but so far she had refused. “I grew  _ people _ in there,” she whispered to the mirror, “it’s  _ supposed _ to look like that.” The look on her reflection’s face said it didn’t quite believe her. She pulled the terry cloth robe from the back of the door and wrapped it around her before exiting the bathroom. 

She found Jensen sitting on the bed naked, digging into what had probably begun as a beautiful dessert.

“You gotta come try this,” he told her. He held out a spoon and she scooped up a bite of the chocolatey gooey mess. 

“Good,” she said after she spooned it into her mouth. “Mmm. Really good,” she added a second later. After taking a second bite, she licked her spoon clean saying, “No, that’s all for me, you finish the rest.”

Jensen cocked his head looking at her. “Are you cold?’

“No.”

“Then what’s with the robe?” He got to his knees and tugged her over to stand by the bed. “Don’t tell me you’re shy. ‘Cause it’s a little late for that.”

Shay laughed. “Yeah, well you were a little preoccupied earlier.”

“Mm-hmm. Preoccupied with everything that’s under this robe.” He pulled at the belt as she pretended to fight against him. “What? Did Hollywood say you’re fat? ‘Cause I ain’t down with that!”

She rounded her eyes and mouth comically in fake shock. “Ohhh, if you say Baby Got Back I WILL kill you.”

He pulled the robe off of her to the beat of his words. ”Cause I don’t want none unless you got buns honey.” She shrieked with laughter as he picked her up, arms pinned by the robe, and spun her onto the bed trapping her under him. She giggled helplessly as he tickled her until they were panting and his breath against her neck started to have a distinctly different effect. 

She feels one of his hands reaching down to cover her mound, she bucks into it mindlessly, groaning into the bed at the friction it creates.

“You like that don't you?” His voice rumbled free between licking and nibbling at the shell of her ear. 

*****

His breath catches as she shifts her hips to give him more room to work. Palming one the cheek of her ass, he maneuvers her up onto her knees. “Fuck sweetheart you may not want me to say it, but you do got back. Got the most perfect ass I've ever seen.” He gets to his knees, loving the sight of it pulled snug to his hips. There's a whole host of things he wants to do to this sexy, heart shaped ass, but it's early days yet and he's not sure where her comfort zone lay.

Sliding his hands over her hips and up under her breasts, he cups them, testing the weight and shape. He revels in the heft of them, the way he can knead and roll them in his hands. “Shit Shay, so soft. So beautiful.”

He breaks off raggedly as he feels his cock hardening, pulling upward, grazing against her smooth outer lips. Sliding one hand back down, he runs his fingers over the mound and labia, all completely free of hair. “You always keep it shaved like this?”

He feels her nod beneath him. “Lasered. One less thing to think about.” Her small rocking motion has pushed the mushroom shaped head against her opening, wrapping it in slick heat. 

“Yeah, baby you ready for me?” he asks.

“God yes,” she groans in reply.

He pushes in slowly but stops after the first few inches. “Come on up here sweetheart, let's find that sweet spot of yours.” Using both hands he urges her up off her hands, pressing her back to his chest. He pumps in slow measured movements aiming for the front wall inside of her. 

He knows when he’s found the right spot by the way her head falls back against his shoulder and the small moans that escape her with every thrust. Increasing the pace, he slides one hand to cover her collar bones, and the other to her lower stomach, his fingertips pressing against her outer lips, giving her clit something to press against with every thrust. Her moans turn to whimpers and his eyes go wide as he feels pressure against his palm.

“Oh God Shay, I can feel myself fucking you from the outside. How can you take my cock so good?"

"It's you. So thick and ungh...I can  _ feel _ you Jay. Feels so fucking good."

Her whimpers start to run together in one low cry. He feels her internal muscles flex, pulling around him and a rush of heat surrounds his cock and steals his breath.

“Fuck, baby I need to go hard.”

She drops back down into all fours saying, “Do it Jay make me feel it.”

Somehow her words pull even more blood to his cock and he feels himself growing impossibly harder. He grabs both of her shoulders and sets a punishing rhythm.

“Oh fuck Shay, can't stop. Use your hands baby, want to feel you come around me. Oh fuck yeah …..Shay ….that's- Shay!”

Falling to the side, he drags her with him, unwilling to pull out just yet. Laying there, he can still feel her fluttering around him, tension high in her body. “Baby you still need to cum?”

“I did.” She protests, almost defensively.

“But do you need to again?” Finding her clit, he pinches slightly. She writhes helplessly, turning her face into the bed and moaning. A small tug and she goes stiff, her body shuddering, her scream muffled in the bed, and a rush of wet heat in his hand.


	28. April 9, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sooner or later, all good weekends must come to an end.

Cuckoo, cuckoo. Cuckoo, cuckoo. 

Grunting with effort, Shay leans herself far enough over to grab her phone is the night stand.

"What the hell was that?"

She glances over her shoulder at Jensen's sleep roughened voice. "Alarm. I've got an early flight." He pouts before drawing her back into his arms. "Nuh-uh. Don’t want you to go. Get a later one.”

She smiles and nuzzles his arm. "Can’t. It's the only one with open seats they had."

His arms flex holding her in place as he stretches, his morning erection pushing against her. "Want you one more time," he whispers into her ear.

"Again?" Her voice is a question, but she's already arching her back, tilting her hips back to meet him

"Again."

He gathers her top leg, opening her to his entry. He slides in with short slow thrusts feeding her inch by glorious inch until he was fully inside. She rocked into the hand cupping her from the front, careful not to break the slow, sensuous rhythm he’d set. 

"Ohh, so tight. So good baby." He murmurs, his lips against the curve of her ear. His finger wiggles into her wet heat, stroking directly against her clit. "Work your nipples sweetheart. Everytime I push on your clit, pinch 'em for me."

Shay follows his directions, the simultaneous stimulation of her nipples and her clit building a ball of heat low in her belly. His slow steady thrusts stoke the heat higher and higher until like an ocean wave the movement crests, swamping her with sensation. She curls forward into her orgasam and feels him increase her pace, fucking her through it and chasing his peak. He stiffens with a low groan releasing his own heat into her. He kisses the back of her shoulder, breathing heavily before settling back down into the bed with a satisfied sigh. 

Fearful of falling back asleep cocooned in his warmth, Shay inches forward only to have his arms tighten around her. Rolling, she presses her cheek to his. 

“Have to shower. It’s still super early. Try to sleep a little bit longer.”

Half asleep already, his only response is a short grunt. As quietly as she can she gathers all of her belongings and takes them into the bathroom. She packs everything into her case except what she’ll wear and carry through the airport. Checking the time on her phone she takes a brief shower, only bothering with the most basic makeup. Double checking that she has left nothing behind, she creeps out of the bathroom. Pausing in the darkened room she looks over Jensen’s sleeping form. Something flutters inside her chest, but after a long moment she forces herself to turn and leave the room. 

In the elevator she arranged an Uber to the airport, and she managed to snag a coffee in the lobby before she went out to catch her ride. Looking out the car window at a cloudy Seattle sunrise, she felt the flutter in her chest swell and suddenly she was swamped with an overwhelming flood of emotion. Blinking rapidly against the prickle she felt against the back of her eyelids, she took another sip of coffee, trying to push the feeling down. 

God what was  _ wrong _ with her? Why couldn’t she just bask in the glow of the last 24 hours? Why did she have to want so much  _ more _ ? A weekend of sex, no matter how phenomenal didn’t mean he was suddenly going to be looking for something from her. And no matter how much she  _ wanted _ more didn’t mean she could give it. After all, she had been a shit wife. And that was when she had been willing to give her whole self. Now her boys came first and she knew her career was necessary to her sense of self. Jensen deserved someone who was willing to give him everything.

This weekend hadn’t been about  _ more _ . Hell, it hadn’t even been about  _ her _ . It was about Jensen, and helping him get back to the things that used to be normal in his life. The show was one thing. He’d rushed back to that to give him something to focus on other than the pain. But other things, things that made him feel vulnerable, he’d given himself a timeline. Six months before he pushed himself back into conventions, opening himself up to interacting with the fans, appearing onstage not as a character, but as himself.

Had he given himself another, much more personal timeline? Not likely, not after the emotional backlash that had happened with the kiss in Vancouver. But maybe, she thought, that had been the motivation. She knew first hand that part of healing from the loss of a spouse included the acceptance of intimacy with a new partner. She could almost hear the therapy session. Think of the people in your life that you trust. Check. Choose someone with whom you have sexual chemistry. Check. Select a neutral location. Check. Set an easily contained period of time. Check. Jesus, they might as well have ticked off every box on a get back in the saddle instruction pamphlet.

Maybe sex  _ had _ been the point of this weekend. Or maybe that advice had been percolating in the back of his mind, making it easier for him to accept the events as they unfolded. Honestly, she had wanted him badly enough that she would have said yes either way. And considering she had never been good at casual sex, it was no wonder she was feeling blowback from the situation. She only hoped Jensen didn’t suffer too much from his own, and that their friendship was strong enough to withstand the combined force.

  
  
  
  



	29. April 22, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More than one friend has an unexpected influence over the burgeoning relationship between Shay and Jensen.

This was a bad idea. Scratch that, this was a terrible idea. Silently Jensen fumed, cursing Misha. Checking the phone the Uber driver had mounted to the dash, he saw the trip should be done in the next ten minutes. He looked at his phone and considered calling Shay. But now that he was so close, what was the point? 

Misha had woken him this morning with an insane request. Take his place going to LA today to escort Shay to the Spirit Film Awards this evening. He had protested, still half asleep, but Misha had steamrolled right over that. 

“Look, I promised I’d be there, but Vicki came down with some stomach bug and I can’t leave town right now. Shay has a real shot at winning, but she wasn’t even going to attend until I said I’d go with her. I can’t just leave her hanging.” Then he dropped the bomb. “I already called the airlines and transferred the ticket into your name. You’ve got an hour to get packed and get to the airport. And don’t forget to take a tux.”

Somehow he was at the gate waiting for the plane before he texted Misha back for more details. _ Hey, what am I supposed to do when I get there? Did you have a place to stay too? _ The reply came a few minutes later. _ Yeah, I don’t have the info in front of me, but I’ll send it to you as soon as I can. _

Jensen’s boarding group was called to board the plane. He settled into his seat, wondering if he’d be able to sleep on the flight. Then the passenger next to him plopped down, and immediately recognized him. She babbled on for so long, the flight attendant had come around, and seeing Jensen’s phone in his hand, she had requested he put it into airplane mode. 

Misha’s text was waiting for him once he landed in LA. He grabbed a ride and kicked back, knowing that LA traffic meant he wouldn’t be getting anywhere soon. Thirty minutes later he looked around and realized they were headed away from the city. Googling the address he had given the driver, he saw it was a private residence.

_ Misha, did you just send me to Shay’s house instead of a hotel? _

_ Well, it’s where I was staying. _

_ You couldn’t have told me!? What did she say when you told her I was coming instead of you? _

The three little dots indicating a response was being written went on for far too long. 

_ DUDE! Have you talked to her at all??? _

_ I meant to, but then Maison started puking too, and well…. Chaos. _

He wanted to be pissed, but multi-person vomit was something he wouldn’t wish on anyone. He called Shay immediately, but it went straight to voicemail. He switched back to text, _ Hey, what are you up to right now? _He waited anxiously, but no response ever came.

The car pulled to a stop. He looked up, surprised to see nothing more than a short driveway and a garage. But the house number matched the text Misha had sent, so he climbed out of the car with his small roller bag. He was still looking for a door when the car pulled away. Great. The thought of showing up unannounced at her door made him uncomfortable, but the idea of calling to announce he was here and couldn’t find a door was mortifying. Jensen sighed in relief when he saw a gate to the left of the house with a ‘Welcome to the Beach’ sign on it. Travelling the narrow walkway next to the house, he was forced to carry the suitcase as he descended at least a full flight of stairs. When he reached the end of it he simply stopped and stared. No wonder the other side of the house was unpretentious. It was merely a way to connect to a street. _ This _ was the front of the house. The house perched on a bluff, and in front of him the Pacific stretched into forever. He stood taking in the many shades of blue before turning to the house. Floor to ceiling windows made up the front of the house to maximize the view. Through them he could see a living room, kitchen and dining area. He noticed an abundance of natural wood, white and sand colors, and also the bright pop of color from toys on the floor. 

“Hey! This is private property. You can’t be here.”

He turned to see a tiny woman, no more than five foot three, her hands on her impressive hips, glaring at him. He would have laughed, but there was something fierce about her that had nothing to do with her multiple piercings, or the fact that her dark hair had purple streaks and was shaved several inches around one ear. 

He held his hands out to show he meant no harm. “I’m Jensen. I thought my friend Shay lived here. If I’ve got the wrong house, I apologize. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Holy shit, you are aren’t you?” She moves closer and takes off her sunglasses. “Jensen Ackles. What the hell are you doing here? Did you come with Misha?”

“You know Misha?”

“Yeah, I met him on Something Blue. Oh sorry,” she holds out her hand, “Nikki Rodriguez. Make-up artist, general badass, and Shay’s best friend.”

He laughs outright at her introduction. “Ah- no, I didn’t come with Misha. He had sort of a last minute family thing come up, and I came to take his place.”

“So what - you just show up, expecting to be her date at a public event? That’s pretty ballsy.”

“See? _ That’s _ what I should have said when Misha woke me up this morning telling me I had an hour to get to the airport. I plead lack of coffee.” The woman doesn’t look impressed. He felt the urge to scuff his foot against the floor like a little kid in trouble. “And maybe I just wanted to see Shay again. Look if she doesn’t want me on her arm, no big. Hell, I’ll stay here and babysit, and _ you _ can go as her plus one. I mean, if you’re not already going.”

Nikki’s face softened, making her tawny eyes sparkle. “You’re in love with her.” It wasn’t a question so much as a challenge.

“I -uh, I-” Jensen felt like he had swallowed a golf ball. He could _ feel _ the heat working across his face, all the way to the tips of his ears.

Nikki chuckles, apparently enjoying his discomfort. “Okay, I’ll take that back a step. You care about her.”

That was easier to answer. “Yeah, yeah I do.”

“Enough to put her needs ahead of your own?”

“Ah-” bewildered, he asks, “Does she need something?”

“The same thing all women need, handsome.” She frames her knowing smile with two fingers spread in a V shape and flicks her tongue between them. She laughs at his stunned face. “Oh, I'm not trying to insult you. She seemed happy enough when she came back from Seattle. Obviously you know what you’re doing. But she’ll never tell you this, so I will. Her ex? Or the ‘dearly departed’ or whatever the hell I’m supposed to call that prick she was married to? He did a real mind fuck on her. The man made it so that he came first and nothing or nobody came second. Treated her like she was selfish if she ever wanted anything for herself. In and outta bed. So don’t wait around for her to tell you what she wants or needs. You wanna be with her, you’re gonna have to be able to figure it out. And you're gonna have to be good enough to convince her you _ want _ to do it, because her pleasure _ is _ your pleasure.”

She leans in and taps under his chin, making him aware that his mouth was hanging open. “I know that was a total overshare, seeing as how I’ve known you for all of about five seconds, but Shay and the boys will be back any minute, so I really don’t have time to dick around.” She glances over her shoulder at the stairs again. “I’ll be damned if I stand by and let another abusive asshole twist her into what he wants her to be. You might be Mr. Right, you might be Mr. Right Now, I really don’t care. So long as what you want is for her to be happy then we’re cool. Capisce?”

His mouth opens and closes a few times before he manages to say, “Capisce. You _ really _ didn’t like him did you?”

“You have NO idea.”

“How’d she wind up with somebody like that?”

“Oh, he loved her. Or at least he loved the way he felt when he was with her. Important. Famous by association. But then they moved east, and everything changed.”

“Why’d they move?”

“He was gonna take over his dad’s law practice one day, so he said they needed to live near his parents, get established in the right ‘social circle’. And don’t even get me started on _ that _ house of cards fuckery." Nikki cranes her head as laughter floats up from the beach, "Oh, that’s them coming up the stairs. Listen, if she asks, we never had this conversation. I caught you snooping around and then gushed about how gorgeous you were the rest of the time. Got it?” She whirled away, not waiting for an answer.

Jensen stood feeling rocked, as if one of the waves pounding the shore had just pushed him under.

*****

“Hey, hey guys, you know the rules! You have to get the sand off your feet before you go in the house!” Shay called as the boys hit the top of the stairs up from the beach and sprinted for the house. She went directly to the little outdoor shower and sprayed off dirty feet, children and toys. She was putting things away when movement on the patio got her attention. 

“Jensen?” 

His movements were slow, his eyes ardent as he moved toward her, “Yeah, it’s me,” he said just before his lips consumed hers. He pulled her in tight, whispering into her ear. “Hey you. I’ve missed you.” A flutter kicked to life somewhere inside her. It grew over the next two hours as she watched him bond with her kids over ice cream, and again when he greeted her parents who arrived to take the boys to their place for the night. Shay was so focused on it that she missed Nikki speaking to her.

“Hello? Earth to Shay,” Nik waved her hand in front of her face. “Where’d you go?”

“What?”

“I said it’s time to go get ready for the ball Cinderella. Into the shower girlfriend, but don't wash any of that gorgeous salt wind outta your hair. I'm gonna need it for the style I've got in mind.” 

After reassuring herself that Jensen has everything he needs, she follows Nikki up to her bedroom. She sits half listening to Nikki chat as her friend curls her hair and arranges it into a glam 1930's updo, and starts her makeup.

“What is up with you girl? You’ve been lost in that head of yours for the last twenty minutes, at least. Your makeup is done by the way. I’ll help you get your dress on, and then you’re good to go.”

Fear pushes Shay to reach out and clutch Nikki’s hand. “Nik, I - I’m scared.” 

“Of the awards ceremony tonight?”

“No. Well kind of, and the red carpet. But mostly, I -” she thumps her fist over her heart lightly.

Nikki smiles. “Girl, you’re fallin’. Right now you’re clinging to that ledge, scared as all get out, but I’m tellin’ you, you gotta just let go and enjoy the ride. And if you’re not gonna take that ride, send him over to me and I’ll ride his fine ass.”

Shay ponders her best friend’s words. Then she begins to giggle. “What makes you think he wants his ass ridden?”

Nikki’s whoop of laughter could probably be heard all the way to the beach. “There’s my girl!” Bringing the floor length Alexander McQueen dress, she zips it up and leans close to her ear. “Besides, you know it’s always the quiet ones that are the kinky fuckers.” Nikki gathers her things and throws open the bedroom door. Shay could hear her flip flops slapping as she went down the stairs. “Cinderella, go on and get you some! Fairy godmother out!”

Shay chuckles to herself as she goes to the mirror and checks Nikki’s work. The makeup, like the hair, gave a nod to old Hollywood glamour. The colors were deeper than Shay usually wore, and the overall effect combined with the fitted black dress was less girl next door and more sensual, elegant woman. Shay spritzed herself with perfume and stood staring at her reflection, trying to take on the persona of the woman in the mirror. As always, Nikki has read the situation flawlessly and given her exactly what she needs.

*****

The TV was on, but Jensen had his back turned to it, instead staring out at the waves crashing into the rocks below. He’d pushed aside the feelings of shock and disorientation at Nikki’s tirade when he’d seen Shay. It was easy to stay in the present with people around. But after the kids had left with their grandparents and Nikki had gone upstairs to help Shay get ready the thoughts roared back.

Could Shay really have been in an abusive relationship? She seemed so strong, and had understood his loss so well. He shook away that logic. Victims of domestic abuse were not weak individuals. And if the husband had continually demeaned Shay’s self worth, she would have had _ more _ emotional trauma to work through, not less. 

Looking back through the filter of Nikki’s words, several moments stood out, one in particular from Seattle. Shay might be upset if she ever discovered her friend’s disclosure, but he was thankful. His thoughts cut off as he heard footsteps coming down the stairs.

“Wow.”

Shay’s voice was shy. “Yeah? You like?”

Jensen took that as an invitation to look her over slowly. The dress was deceptively simple, unrelieved black from the floor up to it’s little cap sleeves. There were no high slits or cut outs to reveal excess skin. But something about the cut and the flow of the material drew the eye to all her curves in one sinuous line. “Definitely. I, just - wow.”

She chuckles at his eloquence. “Well, you look pretty wow yourself. The car is here, so I guess we’d better go.”

When they slide into the sleek black town car they find a bottle of champagne waiting for them. Shay plucks up the accompanying note and reads, “As insurance against any pre-show jitters. Love, Misha.’ Aww, that was sweet of him.”

“Yeah, it was.” Jensen opens the bottle and pours two glasses. “Here’s to Misha, who got stuck at home while I get to take Cinderella to the ball.”

“Nikki gets a kick out of the fairy godmother thing,” Shay chuckles. “If she were here, she’d be shaking me silly right about now. She’s forever telling me not to take things so seriously. Do me a favor please? Talk to me about something. Anything. Just let me get outta my own head for a minute.”

“Well I _ do _ have one thing you might be interested in hearing.” He hands over a champagne flute. “I turned in my contract for next year.” After Seattle he had called her nearly everyday, debating his decision to remain with the show or to stay in Austin full time. 

“Signed?" At his nod, she beams. "Oh, Jensen, I am so happy for you!” Her face was so radiant, he couldn’t help smiling back. “That definitely deserves a toast. Here’s to you, taking the next step.”

His heart pounds in his chest and his cock thickens. “To the next step,” he echoed, unsurprised when his voice comes out a low seductive growl. There was no way he was leaving this town without getting inside her again. 

He sees her breathing quicken as she clinks her glass to his and sips the champagne. “So what comes next?” she asks him, striving for normalcy.

“A lot actually. I’ve got someone looking into schools up there, and JJ’s therapist is going to help me through the process of hiring a nanny. She’s pushing for a live in situation, which makes sense considering the hours I have to work, but I’ve got to tell you, it’s a really weird concept to me.”

The sexual charge slid into the background while they chatted easily for about thirty minutes about kids and work. He refilled their glasses, and when Shay downed half of hers in one gulp he realized that a tense silence had taken up residence. He takes another sip, debating how to break it. 

Using two fingers at her jaw he gently turns her head, “I’m supposed to be here to hold your hand if you get nervous, and instead I’m sitting here dumbfounded by how beautiful you are.” She smiles, but looks dubious at his compliment. He nuzzles his nose and lips in behind her ear. “I’m serious, Shay.” He runs his finger down her throat lightly, over the swell of a breast, getting a primal satisfaction as he feels her nipple pucker under her dress. “We can play this light for the cameras, but when we get back to your place I want to peel you out of this dress. I want you to give yourself over to me. I want to make you come undone in every way you’ll let me. Are you okay with that?” When she gives a jerky nod, he nips at her ear. “Good girl. Now, I’d love to seal that deal with a kiss, but Nikki threatened some very painful sounding tortures if I messed up your makeup before the red carpet. So I guess I’ll just have to get creative.” Lifting one of her hands, he places an open mouth kiss to the delicate skin on the underside of her wrist. He spent several minutes tracing lines out to each fingertip and then kissing them as well. By the time he had worked his way back up to her neck, they had arrived at the first security checkpoint for the event. 

*****

“Ms. Martin! Ms. Martin!” 

Shay tenses seeing a young man rushing through security, shoving his lanyard badge at one of the guards that attempted to slow him. She grips her clutch with both hands. She didn’t think her shakiness was visible yet, but better safe than sorry. The young man approaches, and tisks disapprovingly. 

“Oh, honey, you got here far too early. We’ll have to take you to the holding area.” Shay retreats when the young man reaches for her arm. Jensen comes to her side, a wall of solid support. His posture is protective, possessive even. His hand slides across her lower back to rest on her hip, but his tone is friendly when he speaks to the young man. “I think some introductions are in order. I’m Jensen, I’ll be escorting Ms. Martin for the evening.”

“You brought a date? Oh, we definitely need to get you into holding. Amanda is going to have a shit fit over this,” the man says more to himself than to them.

The pieces snapped into place for Shay. “You’re Amanda’s assistant. Greg right?”

“Gregory,” he corrects her. He leads them behind tall fake shrubs that provide the background for the red carpet, and block those in the holding area from the press. 

“Where is Amanda?” Shay asks Gregory.

“Walking one of her C-listers. Amanda was quite adamant. She says you’re going to win, and she wants to handle you personally tonight. She warned me you might try to sneak in early, said it would be my job if you did.”

Shay huffs. She didn’t like Amanda’s new assistant, but she didn’t like to think of herself as the kind of diva who would get him fired either. “Fine. I promise not to go anywhere before Amanda gets here.”

“I appreciate it. I’ll let her know you’re here and,” he peruses Jensen, “that we have a change in escort. Would either of you like a drink while you wait?”

And wait they did. The clock said that no more than twenty minutes had passed, but Shay would have sworn it was hours. She tries not to hide her trembling hands and fails miserably. 

“Hey,” Jensen steps up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist, “you weren’t joking about these things making you nervous were you? Are you going to be able to go out there?”

She nods. “Believe it or not, about ten seconds after I get out there, I’ll be rock solid. Acting the part, playing the public persona. I’ve just never figured out how to do that back here.”

“I might actually be more nervous back here. Photographers I can handle. But this? I am seriously out classed.”

She rounds on him, nerves flaring into anger. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” she hisses in a low tone.

“You said fuck.” She can see his shoulders shaking in mirth as he pulls her in close so no one can overhear, “Outside of the bedroom. Didn’t think I’d ever hear that.” 

“Maybe I don’t like hearing you put yourself down.” She huffs a laugh, “Besides, I probably got it from you. You throw the f-bomb around like flower petals at a wedding.”

Shay feels something in her gut relax when he throws his head back and laughs. “I do, don’t I? I’m not putting myself down sweetheart, but I’m pretty sure Viggo Mortensen walked in a few minutes ago. That’s about as A-list as you get.” His jaw drops. “Holy shit, that’s Kate Beckinsdale.”

Shay grins. “You prefer leather or latex?”

“What?” his eyes snap back to hers.

“You know, in Van Helsing she had that amazing leather corset, and Underworld it was the kick ass full body latex.”

Shay notices his chuckle is both amused and abashed. “Well tonight she seems to be wearing - uh feathers.” 

Shay cranes around until she sees the actress, and yes, the top part of her dress is covered in some kind of feathers. Before she could reply, Amanda came hurrying towards her giving her a quick hug. 

“God, the two of you are gorgeous together. The cameras are gonna love you,” Amanda says, stepping back to study them.

Shay gulps nervously, glancing at Jensen. “You sure you wanna do this? It’s fine if you don’t. Honestly. You can just meet me down at the other end.”

“I said I was gonna help you through this,” he raises the hand that encapsulated her own, and presses a kiss to her knuckles, “and that’s what I’m gonna do.”

The flutter from earlier reappears in Shay’s chest, as fast as hummingbird wings.

*****

True to what she had told him, Shay’s nerves disappear before the first photograph was taken. When she steps out and poses for the first group of photographers, flashes explode all around, and the photographers yell her name and beg for multiple poses. She ignores all of them, but takes the time to look at each camera allowing them to get one perfect shot with her full attention. Her publicist grabs him just as she was finishing and hustles down behind the hedges emerging in front of the second group. 

“Okay, we want to get past her so that when she joins you, you are on her right side. Remember casual, breezy, friends with maybe just a little more. Hands stay above the waist, and if you look at her in front of the camera, it’s with an easy smile okay? Not all intense like you were backstage.”

Before he can ask her what she means by that, she pushes him out in front of the second set of photographers. He smiles for a few pictures, and then extends his hand to Shay as she nears. She takes it and as he pulls her in close to tell her, ‘You’re doing great.” They pose together for a moment and then move toward the next section filled with television cameras and reporters doing live interviews.

“You guys were perfect,” Amanda pops up between them, “now Jensen you’ll have to excuse me, but I have a couple of interviews set up for Shay.” He steps back into the background, unable to hear any of her interviews except the one with the reporter working for the event, whose interviews are being played on a screen not far from him.

“I’m here with Shay Martin, who is up for two awards tonight. Now tell me, I know one of them is for best actress, and what is the other?”

“Um, the other is for a first time screenwriter. I have to admit, that’s the one I really want.”

“Really? You’d prefer winning screenwriter to actress?”

“I would. You know, the writing thing is new for me, and this story is so close to my heart, it would really just be a great honor. “

“That’s fantastic. I hope you get it. And while I’ve got you here, I notice you’ve got your Supernatural co-star Jensen Ackles here with you tonight. Is there anything we should know? You all look pretty good together.”

Shay gives her a sweet grin, “Oh well, that’s just Jensen. He’d look good standing next to anybody.” She smiles and waves at the camera, her signal that she’s done answering questions. 

She moves on to the next interviewer, and as Jensen follows her down the line he hears his name being called. From the print section he recognizes the reporter that was the liaison for the show from Entertainment Weekly. He crosses to her and gives her a hug.

“Samantha how are you?”

“I’m good, I’m good. And how are you? I wasn’t expecting to see you here tonight.”

“Well, I’m sort of here in Misha’s stead. He was planning on attending, but Vicki and the kids got sick. So I took his ticket and came down to hang out with Shay. I probably shouldn’t tell you this,” he says in mock confidentiality, “but she’s a little nervous about tonight.”

“So you and Shay are here together? Like together - together?”

“As opposed to together - apart?” Jensen laughs easily. “Look, I’m just really honored to be here tonight to recognize all her hard work on Something Blue. Have you seen it? It’s really powerful. You should watch it. But fair warning, you’re gonna need a box of tissues, it’s a heartbreaker.”

After that they make their way inside where they are able to relax without performing for the cameras. He can actually feel Shay’s relief. She introduces him to several other people who worked on Something Blue, along with other stars she had worked with in the past. He sees a few people that he knows, but this was a film event, and if film was one step removed from television, independent film was a giant step beyond that. 

An usher helps them find their seats and the waiting resumes. The Independent Film Spirit Awards is a relatively short ceremony, but Jensen could see the stress building for Shay with each passing minute. When Something Blue won best cinematography, she let some of it out clapping and cheering as the head cinematographer took the stage. It wasn’t long before they were reading out the nominations for Best First Screenplay. Shay gripped his hand tight, but when they announced her name as the winner she didn’t move. He pulls her to her feet and hugs her tight.

“You did it. You earned it. Now go up there and get it,” he says directly into her ear. She makes her way down the aisle and up onto the stage. Standing in front of the microphone, she takes a deep breath and begins speaking.

“I wrote a speech. Something witty and brilliant, but um -- I left it in my seat.” She laughs along with the audience. “Something Blue is a project that I both loved and hated, pretty much on a daily basis. And I think most people in this industry understand that feeling. But more than anything, it was something that just _ demanded _ to exist, outside of myself, out there in the wide world. And I want to thank everyone that helped make that happen. From the bottom of my heart, thank you, _ thank you_ very much.”

In the darkened auditorium, Jensen blinks his stinging eyes. All the pieces of who Shay was were coming into focus. She was the beauty and elegance of her public persona. She was the quick wit and humor that she had just shown onstage. She was the raw fragility and courage she had written and portrayed in Something Blue. She was the loyal friend he had come to rely on and the sensual lover he couldn’t wait to see again. At the next break Shay slips through the dark, back into her seat and turns to him smiling ear to ear. Without thought he reaches for her, touching his forehead to hers. 

“I am so proud of you,” he whispers fiercely before kissing her. “So proud.”

*****

“After party!” Amanda rushes Shay the moment she makes her way out of the awards ceremony. “Come on Shay,” she begs. “I’ve got everything we need out in the car. I’ll touch up your hair, your makeup, and I have got the hottest little dress for you to change into.”

Shay grins knowing her friend. “Yes, yes, yes, and no.”

“What? Come on! You haven’t even seen it!”

“Does this dress happen to be strapless, covered in some kind of sparkle, and end approximately three centimeters below my ass?” When Amanda’s mouth opens and closes without sound, Shay smiles and shakes her head. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. Hard pass, Mandy. Just lead me to the party.”

The party turned out to be in a funky West LA restaurant called La Boheme. Gothic architecture battled with crystal chandeliers, throwing light on silk wallpaper and orange faux leather booths. The central wooden floor had been cleared of tables, but the booths remained intact providing private seating. And overlooking it all was a second floor balcony with wrought iron railing that could rival any opera house.

“Woah, this place is…”

“Eclectic?” Shay smiled up at Jensen. “I was just reading an online review. Holding up her phone, she says, “they described it as ‘kinky and elegant, a sexy atmosphere that oozes passion and fun’. That sound about right to you?”

He leans in speaking directly into her ear, sending a shiver down her spine. “Well it sounds like something we should definitely try out.” Shay snorted, then remembering Nikki’s earlier assessment, broke into giggles. The next few hours flew for Shay as they ate finger foods, spoke with anyone Amanda deemed a networking opportunity, danced, and drank champagne at every turn. Eventually she found herself on the balcony, needing a break from the crowds and the drinking.

“Here,” Jensen appears behind her and hands her a bottle of water. “Don’t want you getting dehydrated and feeling sick tomorrow.”

Murmuring her thanks, she drinks, watching him out of the side of her eyes. He lights up when an old Sinatra song comes on and she lets him pull her in to dance. Giving herself over to the moment, she rests her head against his chest where she can hear him humming along. The fluttering sensation that has been inside of her for hours swells until she can’t keep quiet anymore. 

Looking up into his face she sighs,“God I am high on this night.”

He chuckles, “You sure that's not the Moet?”

“Nuh-uh. You showing up, me winning, and yeah, the champagne doesn't hurt but…” she smiles up at him. Locking her eyes on his, she recognizes the heated, hungry look that comes over his face. “You wanna get out of here?” she asks breathlessly.

“Fuck yeah. More than anything.”

*****  
  


She was so caught up in kissing Jensen that she barely registered the ride home. Before she knew it she knew he was pulling away from her gently, saying “We’re here.”

She collects her things, letting Jensen pull her from the car, clinging when her legs threatened to give beneath her. 

“Woah, you okay there?”

“Yeah. Pretty sure this is the definition of ‘going weak in the knees’. Either that or that last glass of champagne was a doozy.”

He moves around to support her from the back as she fishes her keys out of her clutch and she can feel the hot hard length of him against her backside.

“Please God let it be the first one,” he murmurs into her ear, “I wanna see you limp with satisfaction before the night is up, and weak in the knees is a good first step.”

His words raced through her body, as potent as any touch, and she has to fight to keep her eyes open and focused. “I'm never gonna get this unlocked if you don't stop that,” she says as she fumbles with the door. Finally getting the key in the lock, she breathes a sigh of relief as they step inside. She feels herself spinning around, back against the door, and her mouth covered by his again. Struggling against his weight and her own instincts, she manages to get a sliver of space between them. 

“Alarm.” She manages to rasp out. Keeping her arm against the wall for balance she manages to get to the console and type in the code, sagging in relief when the beeping ends with a happy chirp. Jensen scoops her into his arms and starts up the stairs for her bedroom.

She can feel her eyes widen in surprise and her core dampen at the display of strength.

“Oh fuck, I’m never getting over this.”

*****

He chuffs a laugh at her statement, but if there’s anything she’s not getting over tonight, he hopes it hasn’t happened quite yet. Once in her room Jensen lowers her gently to her feet again. Spying a trio of candles he asks, "Can we light those?" Once they’re lit, he kisses her again until he feels her lean back panting. “Keep those lips open baby. I wanna hear you tonight. Every thought, every feeling, you let it all out. I wanna hear all of it, you understand?” She nods. “Nuh-uh,” he takes her bottom lip and bites down enough that she whimpers. “I wanna hear it. You understand?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I understand. Jensen please, please get this dress off of me.”

Moving behind her he grinds his cock into her ass so she can feel how much he wants her before he begins lowering the zipper slowly. He kisses and licks at her skin as the dress falls away from it. When he reaches her bra strap he undoes that too. He peels the dress off just as he had promised in the car, pausing when her breasts bob free. Turning her back to him he palms them, kissing her neck when her head falls back slightly. Working his way down, he appreciates the hiss he hears from her when he closes his mouth around a nipple. 

“Fuck Shay, wanna touch, taste every square inch of you.” He slides to the other nipple and sucks before running his tongue in the cleavage between the two. Peeling the dress off the rest of her, his cock grows heavier as he runs his hands over her silken skin and the lace riding high on the curve of her ass. He cups one hand over the scrap of lace covering her pussy. "Sexy as these are, they're gonna have to go." He pulls them down delighted that he can leave the thigh high stockings and the high heels in place for the time being.

Gently he guides her to sit at the edge of the bed and lays her back, taking the time to spread her hair out over the sheets behind her. Lifting one leg he toys with the thick satin ribbon that comes off of her shoe and wraps around her ankle several times. “These might be the hottest thing you wore tonight. And I’m just selfish enough to be happy that I’m the only one who gets to see them.” He nuzzles into the sensitive crease behind her knee, nipping at the inside of her thigh. He positioned each foot just beside her hips, noting when her knees fall together instead of apart. He reaches down running his fingers up from the her ankle to her inner thigh. “Let me, Shay. Let me see all of you. Love all of you.” Her knees hesitantly fall open, his fingertips drawing her thighs farther apart, opening her lower lips revealing the deep pink center of her sex. 

“Jay,” she shifts uncomfortably. 

“Yeah beautiful?” He plays one finger at the top of her cleft, his eyes still glued to the sight of her opened to him. 

“You’re wearing too many clothes.” 

He raises his eyes to her pink face and grins broadly. “Well, I can take care of that.” His hands work at his bowtie and buttons quickly, stopping to bat at one of her knees as it drifts back to center. “Nuh-uh. You’re blocking my view. I can _ see _ you getting wet, and it’s making me so goddamned hard.” He presses his hand firmly against his cock, and catches the low moan she lets out at the sight. Finishing off the buttons of his shirt he offered his wrist to her. “Help me with these cufflinks, baby? I always have the damndest time with them.” As soon as her focus was on his arm he shifts his face to her labia, kissing, laving, sucking every morsel of skin he can reach without actually touching her rapidly slickening core. 

“Other wrist, Jay give me your other wrist,” she pants. He shifts to the other side and offers her his other wrist. “You don’t have to do that you know.” Her voice sounds pained at the suggestion. 

He lifts his head to look at her. Once her eyes have locked on his, he very purposefully lowers his tongue to her clit without breaking eye contact. She stays with him a few seconds but then throws her head back on an open groan. She twists and turns trying to get more pressure on the right spot. “There, right there,” she pleads when he skates over it again.

He can’t help but chuckle. “Relax baby, I know where it is.”

“But you-”

“I’m right where I want to be. And I’ll get you there too. Just relax and ride the edge. After you’ve stopped thinking so hard, then I’ll take you over.” He continues to tease her, using his tongue to separate her inner folds. She lets out a muffled shriek and grips his hair when he delves deep into her opening. Unable to tell if she is trying to push him away or pull him closer, he lifts to study her face. Eyes clenched shut, hand pressed against her gaping mouth she is a study in repression at war with open need. Lazily he fucks his tongue into her. “God you taste amazing.” Again. “Like sex wrapped up in an ocean wave.” And again. “I don’t know how I missed this in Seattle, but now that I’ve got you here I’m not stopping until you come on my tongue.” He begins using two fingers to take over the fucking motion, his tongue sliding north to her clit. Drawing the entire bundle of nerves into his mouth he sucks rhythmically and pushing up with his two fingers tastes a gush of her cum running into his mouth, trickling over his chin and onto his chest. He slows, but with every suck, ever thrust she cums again. Carefully placing his thumb over her clit he rises up taking in her hands twisted in the bedsheets, her head tossing back and forth. 

“You’ve got more don’t you? Give it to me baby, I want everything you’ve got. Tell me what you need Shay.” A long groan is his answer as she fucks herself down on his hand. Deviously he pulls back, withholding the pressure she’s seeking. With his other hand he reaches up and tweaks a nipple until he sees her suck in a breath. “Words, Shay. Tell me what you want.”

“You. Oh god Jay, want you to fuck me so hard.”

He pistons his hand in and out of her. “Like this?” he growls.

“Yes, yes! No, oh fuck, Jay please. Need you, your cock, please,” she begs.

He rips at his belt and fly, shoving everything over his hips. He pulls out his painfully hard cock and lines it up. Ramming into her with one sharp movement, he pants, still amazed that she can do this. A whimper from below tears him out of his revelry. 

“Please Jay, oh please fuck me,” she cries, squirming around him.

“Fuck, you beg so pretty baby.” He moves in and out, slower than he wants, but there’s one more boundary he wants to push. He trails his fingers covered in her slick over her lips. “Open up, baby. Now taste. Taste how fucking sexy you are.” He feels a choked noise come from her at his words, but she sucks at his fingers, working them like she would his cock. “Oh, good girl. So fucking good.” He feels her walls clench around him trying to hold on to him as he moves faster. He trades out his fingers for his thumb before moving that thumb down over her clit. “Straighten out your legs baby. That’s it.” He pulls them both to rest against his right shoulder. The move wraps her tighter around both his left thumb and his cock. “Fuck yeah. So fucking tight.” He braces his right forearm against the top of her thighs, pressing a kiss to her ankle as he builds a cadence. She surprises him by crossing her ankles. When he looks down at her she is gazing back up at him steadily. 

“This...might be…..best thing ….ever seen,” she pants up at him. 

You’re the best thing I’ve ever seen, he wants to tell her. You’re everything. But his orgasm is nailing him at the base of his spine and blasting out of him with a shout. Her own cry rises a moment later, her walls spasming so tight he can feel them pulling at him for anything that might be left behind. Collapsing next to her, he watches her ragged breathing even out and then deepen as she slips into sleep. 

  
  
  



	30. April 23, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after the awards ceremony.

  
  


Shay wakes in the gray light of early morning. A soft snuffling comes from her right, she turns and sees Jensen, more than half his face buried in the pillow. She warms at the sight. Her eyes dampen even as her lips curve up into a smile. The flutter that had taken up residence in her chest is still there, although this morning it feels more like a throb. Not wanting to linger over feelings she can’t control, she slides out of the bed. It doesn’t strike her as strange that she’s not wearing nightclothes, but she does pause when she notices her thigh high stockings and heels by the same chair Jensen had draped her dress over last night. She has no memory of taking those off. Or of blowing out the candles, or even shifting fully up onto the bed and under the covers. Did she do all those things on some kind of post coital high? Or did she actually pass out from sex? Shaking her head she pulls on a lightweight robe and goes down to the kitchen. Fifteen minutes later she has a carafe of coffee, small pots of cream and sugar, and two mugs ready on a serving tray. 

She listens intently as she reenters her room, but from the soft even snores, Jay won’t be waking up for a while. Carefully she flips the lock on her balcony door carrying the tray out to the small table outside. Her coffee cup is nearly empty and she is totally absorbed in watching the waves when she hears the door slide open. Jensen starts to step out then disappears, coming back a moment later with the blanket she keeps on the end of her bed wrapped around himself.

“It’s cold out here,” he grumbles in a sleep roughened voice. 

“Yeah, it’ll warm up some later.” She indicates the tray. “Brought up some coffee.”

“Hmm.” He makes a cup the way he likes it and comes to stand behind her. He wraps himself and the blanket around her chilled body. “What are you doing out here so early?” he rumbles against her shoulder.

She smiles and gives the tiniest of shrugs. “Just woke up. I like to watch the water in the morning. Kind of like my own version of meditation I guess.”

He sips his coffee, balancing his chin on her shoulder, watching the waves with her. Spotting a couple of surfers in the distance he nods toward them. “You gonna take me out there, paddle circles around me?” As he speaks, his free hand finds the opening of her robe and draws light tickling circles over one breast, spiraling toward the stiff and straining nipple.

Shay blows out a shaking breath, astounded by how quickly her body is responding to his touch. Already she can feel heat swelling between her legs. “You- you surf?” she asks.

“I have, mostly on vacations,” his voice lowers to a growl and he assaults her neck in light nipping bites, “but I'm sure there's still plenty you could teach me.” His hand shifts to her other breast, pulling the robe away to gain access. Having him palm it, tease it out in the open air causes heat to race over her body.

“Waters too cold this time of year,” her breath shudders out of her, “you'd need a wetsuit.”

“Hmmm,” he shifts, pulling the blanket forward on either side of her, and clasping it in one hand braced against the half wall, “maybe next time.”

“Next time?” she gasps as his other hand slips hands down, finding her wetness.

“Oh yeah. Are there any neighbors who are gonna be scandalized by this?” he asks. His fingers are already fucking inside of her, and she can feel her eyes wanting to roll back into her head.

“You- you want me here?”

“Yeah. Is that okay?” One of his fingers dances up over her clit and her head jerks up and down in a nod. She feels him bending his knees, the heat of his skin against hers as her robe is pulled up. The hottest part of him presses into the wetness seeping from her, letting it slide between her folds, teasing her opening. Gasping, she leans forward, giving him the angle he needs to slide home.

“Oh god,” she groans as his fingers continue to slide over and over her clit as he fills her from behind. “Oh god yes. Never- never out here.”

He pulls her roughly into his chest, panting heavily into her ear. “Anywhere, Shay. Fucking everywhere with you.” Their movements become less coordinated, more chaotic as they race toward completion, not even stopping when they knock a coffee cup from the half wall and it shatters two stories below.

  
  
  



	31. May 27, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a Memorial Day Party happening in Austin.

The car turns into a neighborhood of sprawling homes, and Shay notices the houses seem to be sitting farther away from each other with each passing street. She bites her lip nervously. This had seemed like such a good idea, had seemed so  _ imperative _ when she had decided to come. One last chance to be with Jensen, to love him before she said goodbye. 

But now she was second guessing everything. Seeing him surrounded by his friends and family? Bringing her boys along to what was sure to be an emotionally charged situation? She took a deep breath and looked down at her boys, both passed out against her. It was the right thing to do she reassured herself. The boys deserved a mom who was present, not someone who was waiting with bated breath for the next chance to hop a plane for an international booty call.

Checking the driver’s gps she sees they are only minutes from arriving. She pulls out her phone and sends a text, knowing she’ll be unable to get both sleeping kids and the suitcases from the car to the house. Shortly after the car pulls into a long driveway and her heart gives an involuntary throb when she sees Jensen standing on the front walkway.

“Cal, kiddo, I need you to wake up for just a minute. We’re gonna go inside the house and then you can lay back down if you’re tired okay? I just need you to walk with me. I can’t carry you and your brother.”

The little boy rubs his eyes and stretches out legs and arms that Shay could swear were getting longer everyday. Jensen opens the door on his side. “Heya bud, remember me?” Cal huddles back toward Shay.

“Sorry, they’re kinda worn out from the trip. I can get them inside,” Shay begins.

“I’ll get the bags” he volunteers before she can even ask. Hoisting three year old Dylan onto her hip, Shay takes Cal’s hand and follows Jensen into the house. Passing through the kitchen, he pauses. “This is my mom and sister. I’ll do proper introductions after you’ve had a chance to get settled.” 

Shay nods hello, as Cal clings to her leg.

“Maria’s here,” Jensen tells her, referring to the nanny he’d told her he hired. “She’s going to help keep the kids entertained some this weekend so the parents can have a little break. Oh, and I found an extra monitor and set it up in the boys’ room in case you want to keep an eye on them while they’re in there.” Jensen points to a small screened device.

“Thanks, that’s perfect,” Shay says, touched by his thoughtfulness.

He leads them down a hallway. “So, I’ve put you all in these two bedrooms. They’re right next to each other, and they even share a bathroom.” He is now speaking more to Cal than to her. Pointing to an open door leading to a guest room with a queen. “That will be where your mom sleeps, and this” he says pushing another door open to reveal a twin over double bunk bed, “is for you all.”

“Oh wow.” She said running a hand over Cal’s hair. “You’ve never slept in a bunk bed before.”

“I’ll just put this next door and let you all get settled,” He starts to leave with the larger suitcase.

“Actually, the smaller one is mine.”

“The  _ smaller _ one is yours.” He sounds doubtful.

“What? There’s two of them. Plus they just have more stuff.”

He chuckles. “Take as much time as you need. I’ll see you out there.” 

*****

She’s here. In his house. He feels like a teenager again, popping a semi because a pretty girl was in his room. But it wasn’t just a physical reaction. It had been building over the last week as he made preparations for his annual Memorial Day party. Maybe longer than that. 

He had thought things would have felt more settled after his visit to LA. Their public appearance, the intensity of their lovemaking should have put them firmly into relationship territory. And yet neither of them had spoken of it. Jensen had fielded a couple of questions at his last convention from fans wanting to know the nature of their relationship. He managed to avoid labeling it by simply saying she was a great person and that he really enjoyed spending time with her. Still, he feels as if something is missing. He hopes having her here in his home will make that final piece click into place. 

Looking at her again, he wants more than anything to gather her up into his arms and hold her. But as soon as she had laid Dylan down, Cal had climbed into her lap. Grabbing the smaller suitcase, he takes it to her room. He looks around trying to see if there is anything he can do to make the room more comfortable, but since he’s already done that about ten times, he can’t find anything, and heads back toward the party.

Walking down the hall he is momentarily perplexed to hear Shay’s voice coming from the kitchen.

“Well, I do know some of them. And they are really, really nice. And what I’ve found is that when you meet really, really nice people, the other people they spend time with are usually pretty nice too.”

“Okay,” a little voice replies, “Mommy, will you sing to me?”

“Of course I will baby.”

He hears her start a song he recognizes from the dozens of times he's listened to it on the birthday album Jason gave him. When he turns the corner he finds his mom and sister riveted to the baby monitor. “Shame on you two, eavesdropping like that.” he chides with a grin. “I’ll be outside if anyone needs me.”

*****

After taking a few minutes to freshen up, Shay follows the long hallway back to join the adults. A few steps before the kitchen she hears voices. 

“Come on Mom, tell me that wasn’t about the sweetest thing you’ve ever heard.”

“I’m not saying I disapprove of  _ her _ , but I thought she was just supposed to be a friend. It hasn’t even been a year-”

Not wanting to hear anymore, Shay takes two silent steps backward, forces a cough and then resumes her usual pace, making sure to let the backs of her sandals slap against her feet, announcing her arrival. When she rounds the corner, both women are busy with homey tasks. 

“Hi. I’m Shay,” she introduces herself.

“Diane,” says the older woman chopping vegetables at the cutting board. 

“Mackenzie,” the younger woman waves a gloved hand covered with dish soap bubbles.

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Oh no, you’re a guest. Would you like a drink? Or anything to eat?” It’s obvious Mrs. Ackles was a born hostess.

“I could use some water. Oh, you don’t have to stop, just point me to the right cabinet,” she adds with a smile. After getting a drink she hesitantly sidles up next to Mackenzie and picks up a dish towel to begin drying.

“Really you don’t have to do that,” the young woman protests.

“Cut me some slack,” Shay begins in a confiding tone, “I handle my nerves better when I have something to do with my hands.”

“You’re nervous? Of us?” Mackenzie asks incredulously.

“Meeting a whole houseful of new people? Yeah, that’ll pretty much do it for me,” Shay admits. The small speaker in the corner began to play Nina Simone’s Sinner Man.

“I love this song,” Jensen’s mother begins.

“I  _ know _ this song!” Kenzie interrupts, “It’s in that show, Lucifer, that I was just telling you about,” she informed her mother.

“Oh yeah, Tom Ellis, who knew he could sing?” Shay chimes in.

“Do you know him?”

“No,” Shay chuckles “I didn’t even know he was really British until I saw an interview about how he wound up singing on the show. I saw some of the last show he did where he played a doctor in LA and I totally bought the American accent.”

“Oh, I love his accent,” the young woman gushes, “of course I love pretty much everything about him, tall, dark, handsome-”

“You talking about me again Kenzie?” a deep voice comes from the back door.

Kenzie lets out a noise of delight and dashes for Jared, soapy gloves and all. His eyes meet Shay’s over Kenzie’s shoulder and they smile at each other.

“Let’s see.” Shay ticks off points on her fingers, “has the lead in a television show, sometimes plays the devil, and sings like an angel.”

“Oh, so not me then,” Jared laughs, releasing Kenzie and moving in to hug Shay. 

“Not this time, but it is good to see you.” She tells him as she moves into his long arms.

“I am so glad you’re here,” he says squeezing her tight. She leans in, taking much needed comfort from the embrace. A delicate throat clearing has them moving apart, and reveals a petite brunette in the doorway.

Jared ushers her in, offering introductions. “Shay I’d like you to meet my wife Geniveve.”

“Ah, so you’re the woman who ate sandwiches with my husband.” Gen offers a warm smile to let Shay know there were no hard feelings about the ridiculous internet rumors.

“Guilty. Although the flower thing was totally not him,” she assures.

Jared chuckles, “Nah, that was all Jensen.”

“What was all me?” Jensen had entered behind Genevieve.

“The flowers you sent Shay for being a jackass the last day we were all on set.” Jared supplies easily.

Shay chokes on a laugh at the dumbfounded look on Jensen’s face, and coughs, “Awkward,” into her hand.

Jared stares at Jensen until the other man raises his eyebrows and gives his head a small shake. When Jared turns back toward Shay, she folds her lips and shakes her head as well. She half hoped that would be the end of it, but Jared doesn’t let it go. “So wait, then who sent the flowers?”

“The stunt man.” Jensen’s voice is as flat as she’d ever heard it. “That’s who was in that last picture, wasn’t it?”

Shay rolls her eyes and gives a half shrug. “Apparently when I said ‘Thanks for the ride’ he heard ‘I am so totally going to hit this.’ Not sure how that works.”

When most of the people in the room respond with laughter, some of Shay’s nerves ease. So far so good.

*****

After dinner was cleared away and the kids were put to bed, the adults congregated outside with drinks around the fire pit. 

“Ugh, look at them.” Mike says, pointing through the fire to Jared and Gen. They’re cuddled in a chair together completely oblivious to anyone else. 

Jensen elbows his friend, “Have a heart man. The nanny came and got the kids, and that’s probably her first drink in over a year.”

“No joke. I was a total lightweight right after mine were born.” Shay adds.

“You’re still a lightweight,” he laughs.

“Oh, is that so?” Mike sits next to Shay on the love seat and leans in suggestively. Jensen’s jaw tightens convulsively. 

“Yep,” Shay drawls, popping the p sound, “Shame I don’t have any more to drink.”

Predictably, Mike rushes to take her cup to get her a refill. But before he can return, Shay waves his cousin Heather over to sit next to her. Heather wasn’t a normal attendee of this party, but Kenzie had dragged her along, explaining to him that she needed the distraction from her recent breakup. However, Heather wasn’t distracted. And the more she drank the more morose she seemed to become. 

“How come some people get that and the rest of us don’t?” Heather grumbles, “Marriage, babies, all that happily ever after stuff.”

“Happily ever after? Man, that shit’s for fairy tales.” Mike has returned with Shay’s drink and is clearly not happy to see his seat taken.

“Oh I don’t know. All of this, right now,” Shay’s gaze sweeps around the people surrounding the fire and then up to the star filled sky, “this feels pretty happy ever after to me.”

“But to not have anybody to share it with…” Heather trails off. 

Shay shrugs. "Happiness is a do it yourself project. Comes with a thousand little pieces, but no instructions. All any of us can do is try to put them together the best we can. You have a missing piece, you can throw the whole thing out or you reconfigure. Use what you have." She sees Heather gearing up to argue and shakes her head, laughing. "That's probably a terrible analogy. All I’m saying is even if you have that, if you don't appreciate this, you're still only ever gonna have a piece of it.” Crying comes out of the monitor sitting at Shay’s feet. “Speaking of, there’s one of my little pieces of happiness right now.” She picks up the monitor and pushes to her feet, swaying a little as she comes upright. 

“Woah,” Jensen steps forward and catches her by her forearms, “you need some help up to the house?”

“No, just needed a second to catch my balance.” She taps Mike’s shoulder with the hand her cup is in. “See?” she says to him, “Total lightweight.” He watches her walk back into the house, weaving slightly.

*****

He forces himself to wait twenty minutes before following her inside. In the hallway he speeds up when he sees that not only is her light on, but the door is slightly ajar. He knocks lightly and steps in. The room is empty, confusing him until he notices a movement and Shay comes out of the boys’ darkened room, crossing through the bathroom into her own.

“Hey, everything okay?” She asks, closing the door softly.

“Actually that’s what I was coming to ask you. You get him back down okay?” 

“Yeah, he just needed some cuddles being in a new place and all.”

“Yeah? And what about you? Do you need some cuddles as well?”

She looks up at him, laughter in her eyes, but his lips cover hers before she can respond. One hand grips her nape, holding her in place while the other travels over her hair, her back, her ass, her thigh one long stroke. He kisses her, his heart pounding until he has to break away, gasping for air.

“Hey you,” she whispers, her breath warm against his cheek.

“Hey,” he whispers back, pressing into the softness of her body, letting her feel his need for her. “I’ve wanted to do that from the moment you walked in my door.” He can feel her nod her head, her face rubbing against his own. He kisses her again, slower, deeper. When he pulls away she looks as drugged as he feels. 

“Aren’t they going to miss you outside?” she asks breathlessly.

“I don’t care.” He lifts her by her waist, her legs wrapping effortlessly around him, and pins her to the wall. The next kiss becomes frenzied as he ruts against her mindlessly. “Need you Shay,” he groans into her ear before latching on to her neck, sucking hard. “Need to be inside you. All I can fucking think about.” His hips are already thrusting, making her let out little whimpers each time he pushes forward.

“Yes. Oh god Jay, just like this,” she replies, pulling him back in for another kiss.

He pushes his shorts down, freeing his cock. Then sliding his hands under her little cotton dress that’s been tormenting him all night, he finds her panties, yanks them out of the way and plunges inside. Shay groans and her body resists the intrusion, but he’s too far gone to slow down for more than a second. He can hear the slap of his flesh into hers and hers into the wall as he pumps into her, his release riding him hard. The moment she flexes around him, pulling at him with those internal muscles, he explodes inside her over and over again. The force of it makes his legs weak. Unwrapping her legs from his waist, he makes sure her feet are steady before sinking to his knees. 

His withdrawal pulls a needy, mewling sound from Shay. With zero foreplay his forceful entry was probably painful, but she had definitely gotten aroused at some point. And she hasn’t certainly hasn’t cum. Reaching up he strips her panties off, pulling her leg up over his shoulder.

“What? Jay, wha- oh god,” she breaks off as he nuzzles his way between her legs. Her delicate sex and salt flavor is overwhelmed by the musky bitterness of his own cum, but the idea of a part of him still being inside of her is sexy enough to make up for it. Glancing up at her muffled moan, he sees she has her head thrown back, both hands over her mouth, trying to quiet the noises he so wants to hear. Tugging one of her hands down he threads it through his hair, encouraging her to ride his face. Her tentative hold firms, and she guides him from her clit to the super sensitive spot at the northern edge of her entrance and back again until she stiffens as her climax hits her. He holds her hips in a bruising grip, sucking for all he’s worth at both spots until her upper body lurches forward unable to take anymore. Her legs have gone weak and he helps control her slide down the wall. She leans her forehead on his shoulder, still panting as they sit, legs tangled, together on the floor. 

“Better?” he asks after they both have their breath back.

She laughs a little. “So much better. Except I’m not sure my legs are ever going to hold me again.” 

He stands first, pulling her up and kissing her again. She wrinkles her nose adorably. “Shower,” she says, “otherwise everyone is going to know exactly where you were.”

“Yes ma’am.” He presses another quick kiss to her mouth, her forehead, her hair. “Is it okay if I come back later?” He feels her nod against his body.

“I’ll leave the door unlocked,” she promises.


	32. May 28, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tensions rise, and the dam (verbally) breaks.

Shay wakes up to giggles as Cal boosts Dylan up high enough to scramble atop the mattress. She smiles as they climb up to her, relishing the moment that they both snuggle in, her favorite part of the morning. Most days they come in separately and she gets a little extra cuddle time with whichever one happens to wake up first. But today, sharing a bed and in a new place, snuggles last for all of about 2.5 seconds before one nudges the other and then they’re wrestling, climbing over her as if she’s part of the furniture. She snags Dylan’s ankle twice, keeping him from crashing to the floor before she decides it’s time to get up before someone gets hurt. It’s only as she’s ushering them toward the bathroom that she glances at her door and realizes Jensen never returned. 

She helps the boys dress and ready for the day, telling herself that it’s not a big deal and not to worry about it. But the obnoxiously negative, needy part of her brain won’t let it go. Maybe someone heard them last night and said something to him. Maybe his parents realized what happened and expressed their disapproval. Maybe on his way to get a shower he had seen something of Daneel’s that made him regret being with her here in their house. Or maybe he had just wanted sex really badly and once the cuddly-after-sex hormones wore off he didn’t feel the need to come back. 

Queuing up a kids show on her phone she gives it to the boys, promising as soon as it’s over they’ll go and get some breakfast together. Despite her shower last night, she jumps in quickly, trying to cleanse her thoughts more than her body. Knowing the plan is to be out on the lake all day she had dressed the boys in trunks and swim shirts, she attires herself similarly, a red two-piece under ripped denim shorts and loose fitting white tank sprinkled with blue stars. Hair up in a messy knot and a quick layer of mascara and she’s ready with two minutes to spare. 

When she and the boys reach the kitchen she sees Jensen and both his parents at work, adding to what is already an impressive breakfast spread. She helps Cal fill his plate with a pancake, bacon, and fruit. Dylan, her carb king, cracks everyone up by requesting toast with sprinkles. Shay caves and lets him have it adding a small amount of fruit to his plate as well. She carries their plates into the glassed-in patio where everyone is spread out at the long table that dominates the space. Getting them situated, she rushes back to make a plate for herself. 

Jensen meets her with an easy smile and plate filled with food. 

“For me?” She looks up at him in gratitude. “Thank you.”

“No problem. Now let me grab you some coffee and you’ll be good to go.” He reaches for a cup and then stops. “Oh yeah, I almost forgot.” Opening a cabinet he removes a different mug before filling it up, adding cream and sugar.

She accepts the mug, looking it over. “That’s beautiful.”

“You like it?” He grins wickedly at her nod, “Good. I picked that up for you in Rome. You know, to replace the one I broke when I was at your place.”

“Th-” her words cut off as she remembers. Him, behind her on the balcony, fucking up into her so well it forced her to her toes. Scrambling to support herself on the half wall, unsettling the near empty coffee cup. She hadn’t heard the crash over the grunts and whimpers of pleasure. Hadn’t been aware of anything other than the ecstasy of her own body and the man that had mastered it. 

She would have thought all the blood in her body had rushed to her cheeks had the insistent throb in her sex not told her otherwise. It was all she could do to keep her voice steady while thanking him, and her steps measured and sure on the way back to the table. Sinking into a chair next to her kids, she sits dazed until Dylan knocks over his glass of orange juice, forcing her attention back to the real world.

As usual the kids had finished their meal before she had really started on hers, so she was still at the table when Jensen came around with two pitchers. He poured out some refills before stopping behind her.

“So what about you, beautiful? Mimosa or Bloody Mary?

“More alcohol? No, no, no, not for me.” Trying to make light of his flirting she says, “You know you all would make really good sharks.”

“Sharks?” 

“Yeah. You know, sharks have really big,” she pauses, spreading two fingers in front of her in a mildly suggestive way, “livers.” Guffaws erupt from around the table.

“Livers? Really?” He wedges himself between her chair and the next, putting his crotch right next to her face.

“Uh-huh.” Exaggerating her refusal to look at him, she smiles at the rest of the table.

Leaning down to put his lips close to her ear, he rumbles, “Where do you get this stuff?” 

She rolls her eyes and shrugs, “Shark week.” 

*****

After boating most of the day, the group split up when they returned to the house. Most people were eager to get into dry clothing after having been wet all day, but the die hard water dogs like Cal jumped in the pool as soon as it came into sight. Dylan on the other hand was cranky, worn out from the day, but refusing to go inside while the other kids were still out having fun. Shay spoke to one of the other parents who promised to keep an eye on Cal, and then persuaded Dylan to lay on one of the lounge chairs in the shade by promising to draw whatever he told her to along with a few of the other kids who were decorating the patio with colorful chalk drawings. His first request, a dinosaur, was little more than a green outline when he gave in and fell asleep. 

JJ and another little girl were drawing a sprawling - well she didn’t know what it was, but apparently it was surrounded by lots of green because they asked her if they could use the chalk she had. Handing it over she says, “There’s a lot going on in your picture. Will you tell me about it?”

“It’s my new school.” JJ replies confidently. “I’m going there in the fall. They have a swimming pool and horses.”

“Oh wow, I’ve never been to a school like that,” Shay tells her, fighting back a smile. Jensen had spoken to her about his struggle to pick the right school in Vancouver for JJ. He had finally selected one that was a K-12 private school, reasoning that if they at some point stayed in Texas for more than just the summer, it would be easier for her to return to a school where she had known the same kids for years. 

“Oh, you’ve done it now.” Jensen’s father winked at her. “She’s got a fresh victim. I don’t think she’s had anyone to tell about her new school in at least…. What’d you think, Jay Bird? Three hours?” JJ ignores him, keeping up a running commentary, mostly about random details she’s seen in pictures from the school’s website.

Several minutes later, Shay’s attention is diverted by the angry crying of a baby. Kenzie has been walking around the house trying to settle her infant daughter, but it seems that nothing is working. She looks flustered and more than a little flushed. Shay pushes to her feet, going to join her.

“Hey.” Shay greets the younger woman. “She’s just not having it right now is she?”

“She’s not usually like this. She’s not hungry, her diaper is dry, I think she’s just tired, but she won’t go down.”

“Yeah, happens to the best of us,” Shay says, speaking equally to the mother and child. “Why don’t I take her for a couple minutes? You can get a drink or a quick shower, whatever makes you feel better.”

“Really? That would be so great. I know I’m all tense which isn’t any good.”

Shay smiles down as she takes the screaming bundle. “They’re like little sponges aren’t they? They just soak up everything.” She carries the baby inside, wetting a paper towel to wipe the baby’s arms and legs and around her neck. The baby cries harder at first, but as she cools down her cries turn from angry to plaintive. Moving into the living room she falls into the rhythmic walk she used to soothe her own babies so many times.

*****

He had the grill heating up, ready to start dinner when he ducks back inside to grab the chicken he has marinating in the refrigerator. He hears a baby fussing, and then the sound of Shay singing a lullaby. Curious, he wanders past the kitchen, and spies her in the living room rocking Kenzie’s six month old daughter in her arms. He didn’t notice his mother, coming into the room from the direction of the bedrooms until she speaks.

“You've got a way with her.”

Shay looks up, unaware that anyone had been watching her. She smiles, “It's just stand sway and sing.”

“Did you ever want a little girl?” He thinks about leaving, or at least moving to make himself known, but some instinct keeps him still, waiting for her answer. 

“I did. Especially with the first pregnancy, but when I found out he was a boy I realized all I really wanted was a cuddly baby.” Shay laughs, “Cal taught me to be careful what I wished for. He didn't let me put him down the first six months.”

“They're good boys. And you're a beautiful mother.”

“Thank you.” He can see Shay swallow back her surprise. “Coming from someone who's raised such amazing people, that is the best compliment I can imagine.”

He can no longer see his mom’s face, but he can hear the smile in her voice. “I love my kids. And my grandkids. Do your boys see their grandparents often?”

“Yeah, my parents are a godsend. We usually see them once or twice a week.”

“What about their father’s parents?”

“Oh um, no.”

“Not at all? Why not?” His mother sounds disapproving, probably thinking of how much Daneel’s parents still love to see JJ. 

“After Michael died, his parents- they ah, tried to sue for custody.”

“What?” The word comes without thought as he steps into the room. 

Shay’s eyes meet his for a moment, filled with a world of pain. “Dylan wasn't even born yet. They actually tried to sue for custody of a child still in my body.” She looks down at the child in her arms, the shine of tears making her eyes bright. “I know they were grieving for their son, but I had just lost my husband and they tried to take my kids away.” He comes to a stop at her side, wrapping an arm around her, relieved when she leans into him a little. 

“Why would anybody do that?” his mother wonders aloud.

“They argued that my history of postpartum made me an unfit mother.” She swallows visibly before firming her lips into a hard line. “Oh, and they asked the judge for a million a year in child support. Per child.”

“How did I not know any of this?” he growls.

She shakes her head. “It's not something that I talk about.”

“I'm sorry,” his mother says, “I brought this up.”

“No, Mrs. Ackles, you have nothing to apologize for. Asking how often kids get to see their grandparents is an innocuous question.” 

“Baby,” his voice is low, and Shay speaks over him.

“Speaking of kiddos, I think this one’s down for the count.” Shay flashes a forced smile at both him and his mother. “I'm going to try laying her down in the pack-n-play.”

He watches her leave, feeling an ache at the thought of her going through something so heartbreaking. 

His mom shifts, studying his face. “She’s not just a friend is she?” 

He shakes his head. “Not anymore.”

“So what is she now?”

He wraps an arm around his mom, squeezing her tight. 

“The future.”

……….

Laying on the couch Jensen rolls to his back staring at the ceiling. Last night he had fallen asleep waiting for a few of the night owls to go to their own rooms so he could return to Shay’s discreetly. Then this morning he thought, to hell with being discrete. He had been so excited not to hide anymore. But everytime he tried to get close to her today, she had stiffened up. He hears cabinets opening and closing quietly. Getting up he moves into the kitchen and sees Shay’s slender shadow moving in the near darkness of the kitchen. Not wanting to scare her, he whispers.

“Can I get you something?”

“Oh hey, didn’t mean to wake you. I just came back for some water.”

“It’s okay, I wasn’t asleep.” He opens another cabinet and pulls a glass down, handing it to her. Taking it, she fills it from the sink and sips from it. 

“Shay, did I do something wrong?”

“No. No of course not.” She reaches out to comfort him, her response so automatic he can see the surprise on her face when her hand meets his bare chest. He captures it, tiny under his own, and keeps it trapped against him. With his other hand he traces his thumb along her jaw, fingers wrapping around the nape of her neck. He holds her absolutely still as his lips slide over hers, kissing softly at the corners, the fullness of the bottom lip until he feels the last of the tension leave her body. 

Leaning his forehead against hers he pulls back enough to whisper, “What’s bothering you baby?”

Her eyes are still closed and there’s a quick hitch in her breathing before she whispers back, “I’m scared. I am getting so lost in all of this.”

His lips twitch upward. “That’s funny. Because I’m feeling like I just found my way.” Her eyes open and he sees such longing that he can’t help but kiss her again. 

Whereas the last kiss was meant to soothe, this one is to arouse. He covers her supple lips entirely, his movements demanding entry. She opens instantly, meeting his tongue with her own, making his pulse soar. He feels as her body surrenders degree by degree, crushing her body to his own in an effort to take her weight. Never leaving her lips, he finds the edge of the counter and perches her ass on it, pushing his body into the soft cradle of her thighs.

“Please god, don’t let me break anything this time.”

“Fuck no. Bed. Hold on to me, baby.” Gripping her ass he lifts her and she locks her arms and legs around him. Shay nuzzles and kisses his neck and ear and her weight grinds against his cock, so hard now that he feels lightheaded. The hallways in his house have never seemed so long. 

Finally making it to her room, he makes sure the doors are locked and then gives in to his body, diving for the bed. He rolls off of her long enough to rip off his boxers. Shay, instead of divesting herself of her own clothes, has moved closer and takes his cock into her mouth. He groans loudly and one of her hands pats blindly up his body to cover his lips with one finger. 

He grins wickedly before taking the finger into his mouth mimicking her movements below. He can feel more than hear her small noises of approval which gives him an even better idea. Manhandling her into a new position, he strips her sleep pants off, pushes her legs wide and licks a long stripe from the top of her cleft all the way to her opening. He fucks into her mouth while fingering her, sucking and lapping the entirety of her clit. As he suspected, the sensation has her screaming out her pleasure, or it would if his cock wasn’t muffling the noise. 

……….

After they wrecked each other thoroughly, Jensen rolls off of her, taking her top with him. Shifting under the covers, he pulls her in to rest on his chest. She snuggles in, a thought causing her to huff out a laugh.

Jensen’s voice is sleepy. “What’s so funny?”

“I was just thinking, that was a  _ way _ better ending than Vancouver.”

“Hmmm. Wait, you remember that?” He shifts up on one elbow so that he can look down at her. She laughs at the shock on his face.

“What? You thought a little cold water was gonna make me forget the first time I kissed you? I don’t think so.”

“But the next day, you said…”

“I said things were fuzzy. And they were. Even with the mess in the trash can, I kind of thought it was just a really hot dream until I got your text.”

His face went from shocked to horrified. “My- oh shit. That next day…. and you…. Jared’s right. I was a jackass. And then I left without even saying goodbye. Shay, how did you not hate me after that day?”

She rubs her lips over the line of his jaw, enjoying the prickly whiskers there. “I knew I crossed a line. I wasn’t surprised that you didn’t want to be near me after that.”

“Didn’t want- Christ, Shay you still don’t understand do you?” His words sound desperate, but when he touched her face, his hands were gentle. “You could have died. Your heart could have stopped while you were right in my fucking arms. Then, after that kiss, that’s when I realized. And it - it tore my goddamned world apart. It felt like loving you betrayed Daneel somehow, and I took it out on you. I am so sorry, baby.”

Her chest burns like a bolt of electricity has ricocheted through her chest, pausing her heart and lungs. 

“What is it?” he asks.

“You- you said you loved me.”

“I know. I wanted to show you. In LA. And again here, but I should have given you the words.” He winds a lock of hair around his finger. “I love you Shay.”

Everything inside of her kicks back into movement painfully. A breath shudders into her chest and a tear rolls down her cheek.

“Hey, don’t cry.” He wipes it away, “I’m not trying to pressure you, I promise.”

She shakes her head, hiding her face in his neck, too embarrassed to make her request while looking at him. “Say it again?”

“I love you.” He puts one hand into her hair, forcing her head back so he can see her face. 

Fearing what he’ll see, she moves in for a kiss and moans with the pleasure of it. One of his thick thighs shifts between her legs and she pulses into it. His hands slide down to her breast kneading and pinching, working her arousal ever higher. Urging him atop her, she guides him inside and tries to set a breakneck pace. But he pins her down using all of his body weight and whispers in her ear. “Baby, open your eyes, look at me.” She does, feeling more tears roll down her cheeks. “Should I stop?”

She grips him within her, unwilling to let him go. “No. Please don’t.”

Keeping her pinned, he moves his hips in slow circles, “Shay, I love you.”

She whimpers his name as he continues those same small movements that send sparks through her vision with each rotation, whispering his love for her. She can feel pleasure coiling within her until the sparks take over her body, block out her vision, and sensation becomes her entire world.

When her vision clears, Jensen is propped on his elbows above her. Sweat gathers on his brow from restraining himself, but still he holds her, stroking her hair softly. “I love you baby,” he murmurs.

Reaching up Shay pulls him down, kissing him fiercely. Pushing, rolling, she straddles him quickly. She looks him in the eye before speaking. “I love you too.” Shifting, she impales herself on him and begins riding him in a smooth cadence. 

“Shay you don’t have to say-”

“I do.” She leans forward, never breaking rhythm, and whispers against his lips. “I loved you in LA. I loved you in Seattle. I loved you all the way back to Vancouver. I’ve been choking back those words for so long.” Her movements are gaining speed, sensing his need for release. 

“Why?” He shifts one of his hands, pressing on her clit with his thumb.

“‘Cause I knew I wasn’t supposed to. I can't give you- Oh God Jay- Jay!”

He grips her hips tighter, moving faster, meeting the orgasm is ripping through her with one of his own. Shay collapses down on top of him, both of them heaving for air, not even sure who lets out the final whispered, “I love you.”


	33. May 29, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They love each other. What else could there be?

Early Monday afternoon finds Jensen in the driveway, helping his sister load her family and their things into their SUV. After another round of farewell hugs and kisses he waves as they pull away. That’s the last of his family to leave, and with his friends mostly having departed last night, Shay and her boys are the only ones still here. Which is perfect in his mind. Despite the long weekend, there have been so many people around he hasn’t gotten to spend nearly enough time with them. Heading back, he finds her in her room sorting a pile of clothes into two suitcases.

“Hey, what’s going on?” he asks, getting a tense vibe from her. 

“Nothing. Maria took the kids for some quiet time, so I thought I’d start packing.” She glances up at him quickly. “The weekend’s ending, Jensen. It’s time to say goodbye.” She won’t meet his eyes, but the look on her face is resolved. Resolved and miserable.

He places a hand over hers, stopping her when she tries to start folding the clothes again. “You look unhappy. Didn’t you enjoy coming out here?”

“Oh, Jensen. Of course I did. I really, really did.”

“Me too. Having you here, like this weekend, it’s what I want. It’s exactly what I want.” He lifts her chin. “For the rest of my life.” He doesn’t understand the pain he sees in her eyes before she looks away. 

“I-” her chest is moving rapidly. “I need to be outside. By the water. Please.”

“Okay, come on.” He leads her through the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water on his way out to the back deck. Once she is standing at the edge of the patio staring at the water her breathing begins to slow. She takes a long drink before speaking.

“Sorry. Thank you. I just-” She gestures to the lake, the general area. “It is beautiful here. I can see why you love it.” He waits, knowing she isn’t finished. “But still, Daneel must have been an amazingly generous soul.”

“She was. I love that you can see that.”

“It’s not hard to see.”

“Why do I think you mean more than you're saying?”

“What I'm saying is that she gave you the biggest gift there is. Stepping back from her career, moving away from her family to be here with you, even though you weren’t here all the time. It’s easy for me to see it because she succeeded where I failed.”

“Shay what are you talking about? You did all those things for your husband.”

She shakes her head. “I tried. But I hated it. I started to resent him for all of it. Not three days before the accident, I had called my lawyers about starting divorce proceedings.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”

“Nobody does.” Turning to look at him, she says, “I love you Jensen. I do. I want to give you  _ everything _ . But I can’t. I can’t do that again. I can’t lose myself again, not even for you. I- I don’t think I’d survive. And I have more than just myself to take care of now. I-” she broke off, her tears finally catching up to her in a sob. 

He took her in his arms. “I’m not asking you to. When I said that about this weekend I didn’t mean here as in Texas. I meant here as in my home, in my life.”

“Your home and your life  _ are _ in Texas.” Her voice is muffled against his shoulder.

“Fine. I meant here in my arms.” He drew back to look at her. “Why won’t you hear me? I love you, and I want to be with you. I don’t care where that is. I can come to you just as easily.”

“You don’t want to live in LA. I’ve heard you say that over and over.”

“And Laguna Beach is not LA! You told me that. And then you showed me. It’s paradise out there. I’d be lucky to live there, to live anywhere with you!”

“But your work-”

“I don’t have to do it anymore. Well, I did sign up for one more year, but I can break that off-”

“No! You made the decision to stay because it was right for you. Don’t you dare think about going back on that now.”

He smiles at the way she defends him, even from himself. “You know, I do have to be in LA a lot for work. We could stay at your place then. Come back here for the summers. And we can both work in Vancouver, if you can stand the weather.”

Her lip trembles. “What if I’m still a terrible wife?”

Cupping her face in his hands, he wipes tears from her cheeks. “I’d lay my last dollar on the fact that you were never a terrible wife. You just weren’t what he wanted you to be. All I want you to be is you.”

Watery, hopeful eyes meet his own. She jumps forward, pressing her lips to his so hard it almost hurts. 

“So Vancouver, huh?” she asks. A smile crosses her face. “Well, I did just hear about this really great school.”

He laughs out loud before kissing her again. “Anywhere, Shay. Everywhere.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are here, reading this, THANK YOU for sticking with me. Carry On is the first story I have published in it's entirety and I am so astonishingly proud that it is finished. It's been kicking around in my head and my laptop for the last four years, growing in fits and starts. As always I'd love to hear any feedback from the readers. I hope you enjoyed!


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